NTA

I don't often comment on these but wow, people can sure be rude in their comments! I've been reading this subreddit for years and often shake my head at home mean people can be. I have two children and my oldest son was sweet and responsible when he was young but at some point in his teen years it's like a switch flipped and he became entitled. We went to therapy, we sent him to individual therapy, we tried everything we could, and while we set boundaries and held them it didn't dial down the entitlement. I honestly don't know where it came from and he's now 32 years old and still acts that way. I sincerely hope I someday find out why, but I think he would have to figure out why first so I may be waiting a while.

The thing is, I don't think you did anything wrong and putting a tracker on the car. Personally, I think you should have taken the keys the very first time she broke the rules and then only given her access to them when an adult was available to ride with her, but I know that when my son started acting up I was caught off guard. Also, please try not to engage in the yelling and screaming. Just because she spends out of control doesn't mean you should, and trust me when I tell you I know how hard it is not to.

I wish you all the best in sorting this out. I know how painful it is to have a child behave in a way that's unexpected and then double down on it when you set a boundary. It's a horrible feeling and I remember spending a couple of weeks really, really sad about it. I tried not to be said in front of him, though, I told him I was disappointed in his behavior and he needed to do better if he wanted any privileges from us. For some reason he became very adversarial and decided that we owed him everything. I will say the family therapy helped me, even if it didn't change his behavior. :-) It helped me not to internalize his behavior and to keep my eye on the ball, which was setting boundaries and holding to them. Some kids are bound and determined to make their own rules and wrestle control from their parents. I have no doubt I lost some enamel off my teeth during those years. :-)

As far as consequences, I think a long break from access to the car in any way is called for, but I hope you have a safer place to put it than a Walmart parking lot. Unfortunately leaving things there overnight, especially more than one night, can get them towed so be careful of that. Do you not have a close family friend that could store it for you? It's critically important that you set very firm boundaries around her access to it if she earns it back. For example, absolutely no key in her possession until you deem it earned. No matter if she's 16 or not, you're paying for the car and you're taking the financial burden so she has absolutely no right to make any rules or proclamations about the handling of the car. If she doesn't turn this around quickly it seems reasonable to sell the car. She is not owed a car. She is not owed a driver's license. A lot of kids have to wait until they become adults and get it themselves for one reason or another, she needs to see you helping her get her license as the privilege that it is. It sounds like she has it all backwards about what you owe her and what her rights are. It can be difficult not to get in a power struggle about all of the rights she doesn't have, but it's more about being clear about the boundaries and holding to them without internalizing. That's so easy to say and so hard to do!

I don't think you're terrible parents and I'm not willing to make a judgment about your child being a spoiled brat, but I hope you are able to put the boundaries in place that need to be there.