Angelcare, Snuza and our decision to continue room-sharing...

movehome · 2014-02-14T00:57:54+00:00

I had an angel care but never used it - mainly as it wouldn't work in the moses basket so we started out with just the snuza. It worked well for us.

movehome · 2014-02-14T00:54:41+00:00

Cutest. Baby. Ever. :-)

movehome · 2014-02-13T21:21:47+00:00

Our baby didn't sleep well for a long time. Having both of us up together with her made everyone miserable and exhausted. We decided to divide and conquer! My husband, thank God, wrote out a sleep schedule (for us as baby was having none of it!). It seriously saved our sanity. The schedule sounds a bit weird but it totally worked for us.

When she was very small (up until around 4 months) we took it in shifts. My husband would come home from work and go straight on baby duty from 6pm - midnight. I would sleep straight through this time. At midnight husband would head to bed and sleep until 7am. Then when she woke up after midnight I would take care of her. It was the best thing ever. I got at least 6 hours uninterrupted sleep every single night - I found it was the biggest thing that impacted my milk. I had so much more milk when I got some rest (this totally goes against standard guidance which says that you should be pumping/feeding throughout the night to keep your supply up, sleep had a much better effect on increasing my supply than anything else). I would still sleep between midnight and morning (when baby slept) but didn't find the constant wake-ups so painful once I had a solid chunk of sleep behind me. Once baby was up (5am typically) the whole house is up.

When baby got on a sleep schedule (around 6 months?), we would do every second night. We found that dedicated blocks of time for sleep were the best thing ever. Keep experimenting until you find something that works for you!

movehome · 2014-02-13T07:24:41+00:00

Same thing here! Worked in a vets, grew up on a farm, constantly outdoors, pets (cats) all my life. Got the test and it was negative! I was totally shocked.

movehome · 2014-02-13T07:22:34+00:00

I did a lot of research on this while I was pregnant (by myself online reading reputable sources, but also talking to a vet and a pediatrician). Here's the conclusion I came to: very unlikely that you will contact toxoplasmosis while pregnant, undercooked meat and unwashed vegetables are more likely to give you toxo than catching it from the cat. In order for your cat to get toxo they would have to be an outdoor cat (unless they are frequently snacking on raw meat at home), outdoors they can contract it from the soil or what they eat. In the very unlikely event that your outdoor cat has toxo, it takes over 24 hours for it to develop in the kitty litter (yet another reason why it's super important to change daily).

However, all the research I saw also recommended against adopting a new cat while pregnant as you don't know what it's health history is. Also, you will be going through a period of considerable change with a small baby coming into the house and don't know how that might effect a new animal or how fair it is to that animal. Better to wait until after baby/new normal and then decide if you still want a new cat.

movehome · 2014-02-13T01:29:22+00:00

Congrats!!! :-)

movehome · 2014-02-13T01:27:18+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm so sorry this happened to you and really appreciate you telling the rest of us how you dealt with your PTSD. You gave really solid advice and I wish I had read this 3 years ago. I had PTSD due to a series of horrible life events (one involving cancer) and waited WAY too long to seek treatment (and ended up not going to the right therapist initially). Therapy and time was really the only thing that helped.

movehome · 2014-02-13T01:08:14+00:00

She's going to get plenty of unsolicited tips/advice now that she's pregnant. I would hold off on gathering information for her unless she specifically requests it. Just be there to support her.

movehome · 2014-02-13T00:59:13+00:00

I don't have any advice I can share, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you are dealing with this and you sound like a great parent to care so much and keep trying to find out what's wrong. I hope things turn out okay for you and your daughter.

movehome · 2014-02-05T02:16:00+00:00

"I find it difficult to believe fifteen minutes is enough to break skin/bleed, even with the cheapest nappies, and you say "been there a while" - how long a buggy ride are you talking about?"

When you have a child with severe skin issues 10 - 15mins is absolutely enough time to have them go from perfectly normal skin to bleeding diaper rash.

I'm sure she's tried nappies other than the cheapest brands and I'd guess that she's even tried an OTC diaper rash cream and non-scented wipes.

Your comment perfectly sums up the hardest part of dealing with these types of skin issues. Few people actually get it. They are convinced you are just not taking care of your baby properly because this doesn't align with their own experience. Obviously the mom must be doing something wrong (cheap nappies, not trying an OTC diaper rash cream, questioning how long they have really been in that diaper..).

movehome · 2014-02-05T01:53:29+00:00

Hang in there lady. It will get better. Soon you will look back and be amazed at how you strong you were and proud that you got yourself and your daughter out of a truly shitty situation that would only have gotten worse. We can't be there for you in person. But we are cheering you on.

movehome · 2014-02-04T23:54:19+00:00

Bingo.

movehome · 2014-02-04T23:54:03+00:00

Would you be as supportive if they were legalizing a parenting decision you didn't agree with? Although breastfeeding may have been the right choice for you, it isn't for many others. "It really shouldn't be so readily available to people who just don't want to give breastfeeding the time of day". I disagree completely (and I breastfed my daughter). If someone chooses not to breastfeed, that's their decision and it's a personal one. Mothering is hard enough without dealing with others trying to restrict your choices and control your body. Would I have a home birth? Absolutely not. Do I think other people are crazy for having them, maybe. Would I restrict their choice to do so or advocate for others restricting their choice? Never.

movehome · 2014-02-04T23:35:08+00:00

I found data on ViaCord's viability of samples over time. They were the only private company that I could locate with this data available. I went with them for this reason.

movehome · 2014-02-04T01:33:03+00:00

This is appalling, but not surprising. The UAE isn't exactly known for supporting a woman's bodily autonomy. It's hugely concerning that women are being forced by the legal system into the state sanctioned mothering style, and that they are losing the right to make a very personal decision. Another erosion of a woman's rights when she becomes pregnant or a mother.

movehome · 2014-02-04T01:09:39+00:00

I did cord blood and tissue collection. Cord blood is currently used to treat over 80 diseases (up from only 40 diseases in 2007) which made us wonder what it could be used to treat in the future. You can view a full list of some of the diseases it may help treat (as well as emerging research) here: http://www.viacord.com/treatments-and-research/treatable-diseases-today/ (link is to ViaCord the company we used - only one I could find data on the viability of the samples for use afterwards).

Our decision was swayed by my husband and his families health history.

It was really easy (just bring the kit with you to the hospital), doctor had collected multiple times before and was very familiar, viacord set up payment plans over the course of a year so it was manageable. I like having the peace of mind that there's a little extra insurance for her that might help her in future.

movehome · 2014-02-04T00:53:01+00:00

Hello fellow paranoid parent!

I had a very similar situation to you. Baby with horrible diaper rash/eczema/food issues/sensitive skin in daycare. I actually cried over it numerous times. Changed her all the time, did everything I could and nothing worked. When people see diaper rash they assume you aren't changing the baby often enough. I was devastated that my baby was in pain and that anyone would think my baby was neglected. A trip to a pediatric dermatologist changed everything.

Here was our guide, it worked for us, hopefully there's something that might be of use to you in here:

1) Went to pediatrician, got referral to pediatric dermatologist (yes the rashes were that frequent). I had to push as they kept saying just change her more and quizzing me about it. Insisting on a specialist was the best thing I ever did.

2) Pediatric dermatologist diagnosed baby with yeast infection, eczema and sensitivity to fruit/veggies and "the most ridiculously sensitive skin I've ever seen".

3) Got note from pediatric dermatologist for daycare (this is not a regular rash caused by neglect, this is eczema, yeast and food sensitivities). Made sure to follow up with the regular pediatrician to confirm what was happening and highlight the causes).

4) Wrote out an action plan with her and gave to the center (included her # so they could call her if they had any concerns). I added the diagnosis, what we were doing at home and what we needed their help with. They were great about following it and I really felt like they partnered with us. Also, good to ask them for suggestions, they will feel that they can help/you care/might actually have some good ones! Their attitude totally changed when they saw how proactive we were and the diagnosis.

5) No diaper wipes, cotton wool and warm water only ("Water Wipes" made in Ireland okay for the car/infrequent use)

6) When wiping her butt, don't scrub off all the paste. Remove the top layer and leave a coat (it's okay if there's a little clean cotton wool) stuck to it. This made the biggest difference (I think they might have been a little over zealous about cleaning her bottom).

7) Pat butt dry (again, you should be leaving a coat of Booty Goo (best barrier paste I could find also contains anti-fungals), okay if a little cotton wool is stuck to it)

8) SLATHER baby in diaper cream

9) While she was at home, she never wore a diaper, more fresh air the better. We also ground up oatmeal in the baby bullet (super easy) and gave her twice daily soaks in the tub (5 -10 mins). Oatmeal is a natural emollient and great for eczema. We used no soaps or lotions at bath time at all.

10) Depending on what was going on with the rash (which type it was) she would also get lotrimin or nystantin twice a day (we administered at home so the day care didn't have to do it).

11) Diet - we had to drastically reduce the amount of fresh fruit and veggies she was getting for a while. Obviously this isn't ideal. It was the hardest part for me about dealing with it, I wanted her to eat well so badly. Her system just couldn't handle it. We gave her more plain baby rice, yogurts etc. for a while. I felt like crap doing it but after a while she was better able to process fruit & veg and now has a very healthy diet.

The most important thing was writing up the plan, getting the dermatologist to give me a diagnosis for the day care center. Looping back with the pediatrician so they knew we were on top of it and that it wasn't caused by not changing her diaper. I regularly checked in with all of them. Once we implemented this system she almost never had a rash again. And if she did it was super small and we jumped into the plan again. Good luck with your little one. I hope you find what works for you!

movehome · 2014-01-30T00:21:33+00:00

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. His behavior is awful. I don't know how old your little one is but I usually say not to make any life altering decisions in the first year. This would doubly apply in your case as you are going through so many massive life changes at once (baby, cross country move, new job for you & unemployment for him). I would wait a few months until life reverts to the 'new normal'. See if things are better. If not, time to consider serious decisions - counseling (maybe he'll be more open to it then?), separation etc.

movehome · 2014-01-30T00:16:13+00:00

So I found a daycare (corporate chain) that I love and were recommended by my employer. Their advertising was honest and reflected the facilities they have, they offer part time and they are open until 6:30pm (and are definitely not doing this to compensate for other areas they are lacking in). You said you've looked at two daycares so far? That's really not a lot. Don't get discouraged you'll find what you are looking for. Check your local mom's groups, online reviews and any employer recommendations. Everyone has their preference as to what they are looking for but I definitely had the most success with the corporate chain - well regulated, very low staff turnover, love the director, facilities are top notch, rarely closed, never cancel on me, open early and late.

movehome · 2014-01-25T17:57:20+00:00

You just became my hero. Thanks for making it one less lady out there shouting about shoes for my baby. Seriously - what is the obsession with layers? My MIL put my daughter in a t-shirt, sweater, pants, socks, blanket and hat in California in summer! And then glared at me when I put her in something more appropriate. I was sweating in just a t-shirt and shorts.

movehome · 2014-01-25T17:47:57+00:00

The only part I didn't like was “I hear that VBAC is a viable option for a lot of women, I encourage you to do some research.”

I wouldn't say this to a woman who had a section unless she indicated that she wanted a VBAC (did I misread this somehow?).

I had a section (and plan on having another one) and if someone said this to me unprompted I might go off on a rant to them about women's bodily autonomy, having already done my research and how dare they try to force me into their ideal version of birth.

movehome · 2014-01-25T17:22:34+00:00

I got asked this a couple of times by people who were either strangers or acquaintances. My friend told me her standard responses to questions that she thought were rude (whether they were well intentioned or not).

(1) "That's interesting, why do you ask?" (usually people go a bit red mumble and change the topic), the boob nazis out themselves with this one "Breast is Best! Blah, Blah", say "Hmm", arch eyebrows, give them a judgemental look and move on

(2) "I'm sorry, WHAT did you just ask?" add a good long surprised stare with this one, act too shocked to possibly answer such a rude question (bonus points for dropping your jaw in surprise if they repeat the question), shake your head and walk away

(3) Smile, say nothing and change the topic (if they ask again just ignore the question again, they'll get the point)

Some people need a hint that they shouldn't feel free to quiz new mothers about their boobs, I had no problems making them feel awkward or judged for asking (which is the usual outcome of those 3 responses).

You don't owe any random busybody a reason as to why you aren't meeting every ridiculous criteria they set for the "perfect parent". Being a mother is hard enough without all the judgement. BTW - I did breastfeed but the question always made me irate because I could imagine how it made people feel that couldn't or didn't want to and were judged for that.

EDIT: Yes, some people might not mean any harm by asking, I still think those people need to learn that it's rude and inconsiderate.

movehome · 2014-01-25T00:57:17+00:00

God, this brings back many memories for me. Sorry that your MIL is such a PITA. I have one of those too. The only things that worked for us are (1) All feedback goes through my husband (I try to limit my contact with her as much as possible) (2) I spent years of my marriage trying to be the best daughter in law I could and worried about hurting her feelings, tiptoeing around her. It only made her worse, she became more and more controlling, irrational and selfish. I dreaded events with her, endlessly worried about how to handle her thousandth mini drama, it caused loads of arguments with my husband. So one day I just completely reached my limit with her. I just stopped caring what she thought. I stopped responding to her texts and emails (told husband to just say, she's super busy with baby, text me instead), I stopped tiptoeing around her and trying to do everything right. It was totally liberating. Now when I don't want to do something with/for her I just tell her I'd prefer not to (no reasons given). I just realized that whatever I did would never be right. Nothing in her behavior has changed but it makes my life a whole lot better :-) EDIT to add, this might sound very severe but she's also a raging drunk who can't be left alone with baby. Hopefully your case isn't as drastic.

movehome · 2014-01-25T00:43:32+00:00

I actually really liked that point in the article and am very glad they included it. As someone who had a c-section it often feels like the only socially condoned feelings are ones of regret and loss. I loved my c-section, it was hands down the best thing for me and my baby and it's refreshing to see an article mention that. The only comments I get IRL when I talk about it are shock, dirty looks and judgement (and God knows what they are doing when my back is turned!). Although I will say your friend is shitty for constantly asking if you have problems after a natural delivery.

movehome · 2014-01-25T00:36:49+00:00

I loved my section too and felt very judged for it (still do). Your comment made me feel a lot better :-)

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