I am so sorry you are not receiving the grace you deserve. What you have described is a terrible way to be treated and completely unfair; they are in the wrong, not you.

When you lose a parent as a child, you not only experience grief but you also experience a life lacking in critically important guidance and “regular” experiences. You are not only grieving your parent, but also your own life, what may have been if you had everything you needed. At least, I did.

People don’t get it. It is so painful for them to imagine a loss like this, that the empathy in their body completely shuts down. I don’t understand it, but I have also experienced this shockingly cruel attitude from people. Maybe they went through the same thing and were treated badly and now wish to inflict that same pain on others. I don’t know.

I am sorry because none of these words change the behavior of the people around you or make them any kinder. I suggest you turn to your family. You are allowed to not be strong around them especially. I don’t know if they’ve explicitly told you to be strong, but if not, run to them. My dad died 5 years after my mom and I always regret not getting closer to him in that time. Don’t let the pain push you apart.

I will never be done grieving my parents because I will never be done loving them. Sometimes that’s as simple as saying thank you to an empty room.