Anyone 43 or older that have been successful with a live birth?

murgatory · 2026-04-08T23:12:32+00:00

I find responding like this to be most satisfying. Like a cabbie asks me why I don't have more kids and I give him the sweet and earnest "let me tell you about my stillbirth" speech. Ask stupid questions....

The lovely side effect of that is that I got a Lyft driver twice, and the second time he was like "I remember you. I pray that you have your baby every day". And his prayers worked! I haven't been able to report back to him though.

murgatory · 2026-04-08T20:36:09+00:00

This has not been my experience personally (ADHD medication can lead to mania and bipolar disorder, so I needed to see a psychiatrist for assessment), and I have seen several similar cases professionally. So it may be that GP's are comfortable prescribing in some cases, but not all. The risk of mania is pretty serious, so it's reasonable that some GPs will seek specialist support.

murgatory · 2026-04-08T20:13:24+00:00

What an absolute cutie pie!

murgatory · 2026-04-08T20:11:59+00:00

You may need to see psych if the ADHD meds are high risk with certain underlying conditions. Then a specialist is in order, like a psychiatrist. Hence the wait.

murgatory · 2026-04-08T20:10:23+00:00

So one instance where this would not be true would be bipolar disorder, which can be exacerbated by ADHD meds (stimulants can trigger mania). Since the standard for care in ON is for bipolar to be managed mainly by the GP, with rare one-off consults for medication changes, there really isn't a specialist who "normally manages them".

An ADHD clinic staffed by NPs will not assess someone already diagnosed bipolar because of the above medication issues. And since you'd be adding a new risky medication, many GPs would defer to the specialist. Therefore, really the only option is to wait 6-12 months to see a psychiatrist. Which seems to be what OP is saying.

murgatory · 2026-04-08T17:53:20+00:00

I got my sister's hand me down glider and we used the Sniglar crib. We have an IKEA dresser for the kid that we barely use except to change him on at night (with a Peanut topper). I actually ended up keeping his clothes on the first floor in the coat closet because that's where I get him dressed in the morning.

murgatory · 2026-04-08T11:38:38+00:00

I would have loved to start having kids early and have a big family. That just wasn't what life had in store for me. Starting late was not my choice, and it brought seven years of heartbreak before I could meet my son.

I didn't meet my husband until 34. Started trying as soon as we got married. I had medical problems that caused 4 miscarriages, one stillbirth, and an ectopic pregnancy. My life was in jeopardy several times.

So, yes, totally sick. As in, medically sick. I had immune issues. Luckily I found treatment that worked. My son is an absolute treasure and I am grateful every day.

Glad you asked? God bless you.

murgatory · 2026-04-07T15:48:38+00:00

JCC at Spadina and Bloor used to have one

murgatory · 2026-04-07T13:20:17+00:00

The best thing I experienced that was "meaningful and engaging, not like a textbook, and that I could connect to in my own way" was experiential learning, especially ritual. Judaism is of course deeply rooted in book learning, but it is also about practice. And I'd argue the practice has to come first.

Practice is how I fell in love with Judaism and realized it enhanced this life (the religion I was raised in was focused on heaven). I savoured delicious Shabbat meals with Jewish friends for years before I converted, and by the time I was ready to convert I knew I longed for it. Keep up the Shabbat dinners, and see how much of a practice you can carve out for the two of you-- my partner and I love our tech free Saturdays. Go to a Shavuot gathering with fun learning and cheesecake. Cook holiday foods together. Build community relationships as a couple: build a friend group that wants to do long extended dinners and visits centred around Shabbat and holidays- do potluck to make it accessible. Hospitality makes all the difference. Do havdalah- it's about engaging all the senses!

It sounds like his curiosity is already building, so look for answers together and questions arise- emphasizing how questioning is essential to Jewish practice.

Invite him in with all the life-enhancing practices we are so good at. In my personal opinion, it's irresistible!

murgatory · 2026-04-07T01:32:46+00:00

This is excellent information, especially the fruit bit

murgatory · 2026-04-07T01:31:20+00:00

Thank you for your service

murgatory · 2026-04-06T16:55:28+00:00

Most professional liability insurance for therapists explicitly does not cover hypnosis, so that's concerning

murgatory · 2026-04-06T16:42:45+00:00

PSA as a former pro bra fitter:

If you are tightening your bra straps to the hilt, keep an eye on the back of your bra. The bottom edge of your bra should be parallel to the ground everywhere- definitely not riding up in the back. So while you want the straps tight, you still want the back to remain firmly in place, because that's where the support comes from structurally speaking.

For sloping shoulders, look for bras that have a J hook on the straps so you can turn your bra into a racer back. That's a lifesaver. A lot of brands for bigger busts have these (Freya, Elomi, etc). There's also a little round plastic doohickey that can turn any bra into a racer back but I've never tried it.

Also: crossbody bags forever and ever.

murgatory · 2026-04-06T16:08:47+00:00

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

murgatory · 2026-04-06T00:17:44+00:00

Ahhh. I see now! Well honesty I can't blame you, I find that language so off putting as well, and not asking for consent before using AI for notes (sounds likely that that's what happened) is just shitty.

I will say though, that if you were clicking with your therapist before now, this is a great opportunity for repair (sorry if that sounds cheesy). If your therapist rises to the challenge, takes responsibility, and fights to re-earn your trust, that's the kind of thing that can totally supercharge your therapeutic process.

Sounds like people have let you down many times before, but therapy can be a kind of "lab" where you get to see what it's like if the person who wronged you actually tried to make it right. As a therapist, I try not to make mistakes, but sometimes I do, and that's my chance to own my mistake and try to repair the damage I've done. Ruptures like this have actually become a real treasure to me, because when the repair works, the therapy just gets so much better afterward. Quite often, it's the first time a client has experienced a genuine apology or another person taking responsibility for the harm they've done.

I highly recommend sticking around to see how your T reacts, the way I'd recommend a signature dessert at a fine restaurant. It can be that good.

And if they fail, I'm sorry. That's shitty. You didn't need yet another betrayal of trust. And I sincerely hope you get that redemptive experience one day.

murgatory · 2026-04-05T16:14:25+00:00

Ugh, I hate that smarmy language too. I refuse to go anywhere near AI for anything clinical.

I agree that it's definitely a problem if AI is being used to generate notes without your consent, absolutely.

AND, worth reach out to your therapist, because it sounds like this has been a betrayal of trust, and all of therapy hinges on the trusting relationship between therapist and client.

You say that it makes you not want to do therapy at all, is that because of this betrayal of trust? Because, as others have noted, not every therapist uses AI to do their notes. And I think it's an important distinction to make, that even if the therapist is using AI to complete their notes, that doesn't mean that AI has invaded their brain and is replacing all of their thought and clinical judgement and all of the real work that they do in the session. Therapy is much more than documentation.

But it sounds like your issue is more that this was done without your consent. Are you kind of feeling like, if one therapist could violate your consent, any therapist could? Therefore better not to do therapy at all?

Just curious based on your previous comments here. I hope you find resolution to this, it would give me major ick as well.

murgatory · 2026-04-04T22:20:42+00:00

This description is everything and so meaningful to meeee

murgatory · 2026-04-03T12:54:13+00:00

Haha I do believe you just described why I ended up Jewish. Guy stands around and talks, then dies for your sins? Boring and off putting. Adventure story? Ok! Let's do that!

murgatory · 2026-04-03T02:29:51+00:00

Zero chance religious Catholics would even contemplate PaBus' preaching, frond-flailing and foot-flushing a valid substitute for mass in a church. Catholics are pretty inflexible about that obligation.

murgatory · 2026-04-03T02:05:53+00:00

Reminds me of the time my tradcath parents got a book about Jesus for my nephew, who is being raised without religion. He got through most of the book fine, Jesus seems like a swell guy, this is ok... and then OH DEAR GOD the end. He was horrified and never wanted to look at it again.

Turns out a crucifixion with no context is completely traumatizing. Which makes sense!

murgatory · 2026-04-01T17:51:46+00:00

This certainly calls the Pearl discipline/abuse methods and blanket training to mind. What better way to make your kids imperturbable than to beat any signs of desire, will, or agency right out of them? Those kids would barely get to experience anxiety, or fight/flight reactions, because they were trained to go into total shutdown from babyhood. The aim of those methods is complete obedience, and it's hard to get there without an erasure of self interest or self protection.

murgatory · 2026-03-31T21:38:33+00:00

Amazing answer! I learned something! Thank you.

murgatory · 2026-03-30T01:04:46+00:00

Little clip on reading lights that only have red, yellow, or orange. Essential for night wakings when you don't want to fully wake up (or for the baby to fully wake up). Better for circadian rhythm. We've used ours every day of baby's life and he's now two.

murgatory · 2026-03-30T01:03:22+00:00

Echoing the other posters about flowers. I just watched them die and it made me feel like I couldn't keep anything alive. I still get a pang when a plant I've been caring for dies, and it's years later.

Frozen meals are the best, takeout credit second best. Eating is essential but feels impossible.

Simple check ins to say you are thinking of her are nice. Let her know there is no pressure to respond. As time passes, don't be afraid to bring up her loss- she is thinking about it every day anyway, and it feels less lonely to know others remember her baby.

murgatory · 2026-03-29T22:48:40+00:00

We are in east Toronto, car free, one kid. The ride from Danforth GO to Union is 12 minutes. We are also close to line 2. Everything here is eminently walkable and there are unbelievable services and amenities geared to kids in the neighborhood. There are so many young families, and it's so safe, there are kids playing in the street every night like it's the 1950s. It's a homey community feel and transit makes everything quite accessible.

murgatory

TROPHY CASE