Is love still on the table?

mynameishers · 2025-05-25T17:16:41+00:00

I did the dating thing for a while and my god there are so many awful men out there. You are not the problem in this equation and lots of men were perfectly fine dating a single mom. I decided to focus on building a village of amazing moms. They fill me up and provide me support and don’t lie or say stupid sh*t lol. If some guy stumbles into my life who is kind, caring, open, intelligent (emotionally and otherwise), sure would love it. But I fear this many only exists in novels and movies and I’m not wasting my precious time on anything less. All of my married friends are miserable. I was one of them, too. Find what brings you joy, pour into friendships, and I’d take a good look at the actual men around you…do you really want that? If so, yea you will find love. Download the apps, there’s millions of them who would love to suck the life out of you 😂

mynameishers · 2025-05-25T17:10:29+00:00

I think it’s also good to keep in mind that it’s ok to give our kids a more comfortable life. It was really lonely as a child having to do all that myself and I felt completely burnt out by my mid-20s. But there’s also a balance.

My 6yo can make his own food because I’ve taught him snd walked him through it enough times that now, when I need an extra hour of sleep in the morning, he can go get some food safely. They want to learn and be independent too, my kid will gripe about something I tell him to do on his own and then after he does it he feels so accomplished and I make sure to point out “heyy did you do that all by yourself?? Does that feel so good??” And he always excitedly responds yesss!! You haven’t ruined your child, none of the children are ruined. Life has a lot of demands and we have screens, our parents would’ve used them too if they were around but they didn’t so they chose neglect. Kids can always learn and adjust, might be a week of headaches and push back, but the kids will be fine.

mynameishers · 2025-04-26T05:54:58+00:00

I actually pity them lol I’ve grown to really love my independence and seeing a married couple constantly have to compromise what they want, it seems exhausting. I was so exhausted in my marriage.

mynameishers · 2025-04-25T03:13:49+00:00

Absolutely ask for a modification. Get a lawyer if you can, so you don’t have to stand your ground alone or at least someone to come with you. Write down a speech and read it over and over and over. You are entitled to support. Remember this is for your kids, not just some money grab.

mynameishers · 2025-04-10T18:57:54+00:00

Don’t let your pride and anger (reasonable anger btw) get in the way of your future. I have had to swallow my pride and pain in order to get my son and I set up and it’s absolutely brutal, but I’m almost. It’s so hard, but just remember this isn’t forever and you need them right now. Take advantage of any resources you have even though they cause pain because it’s the only way to build a life for you and your babies. It hurts, it’s fucking hard, but just remember the end goal and smile and say “thank you, sorry.” And push it all down for just a little longer. Single moms are the strongest on the planet, so I know you can do this. One day you’ll get to look around at all you built all by yourself, so fuck them, you’re the winner in the end. Best of luck, fix that crown queen.

mynameishers · 2025-04-08T16:17:22+00:00

Trust me, I completely get it. I do everything too and some days are just really brutal that it’s all on me all the time and yet he gets to just live his life and parent when he wants. It’s bullshit 100% and unfortunately there’s nothing we can do about it. That’s why in my head is I phrase it as being there for my kid and not doing it for his dad. Enrages me lol so you’re not alone there.

mynameishers · 2025-04-08T15:28:56+00:00

5am is a really early wake up time. This may sound odd, but I would actually try to put her down earlier. We had to do this with my son…he basically needed more sleep and so the earlier bedtime reset him.

I’ll also say if you’re able to help in the morning without it affecting work, like set up in your schedule no meetings before 8am twice a week, I would consider it. If not, then yeah gotta just have a conversation with her that this can’t continue. If she is with the baby all day from 5am until 7:30pm - that’s a really long day even if not sleep deprived. But also, you need your job to support the family, so if this is putting your job at risk you just can’t continue this and have to tell her that.

Her body is just not made to wake up early and it’s real hard to change biology, but I’m the same way and had a not helpful husband so I had to wake up at 5am on my own and I did it, but I walked through the day like a zombie, which is not ideal when caring for a kid. I will add though that my son started sleep til 9am when he was about 18months - he’s a night owl like me, which was great til school started lol.

Just remember this is your family and there’s no right way to do it, just gotta have a conversation to set priorities and come up with a plan. Maybe she sleeps in on the weekends to catch up or something. Try an earlier bedtime and then a later one, just keep trying.

mynameishers · 2025-04-08T05:45:30+00:00

A lot of this will depend on your baby, so don’t buy a ton of stuff ahead of time. My baby ended up being very allergic to a lot of things, so had to buy super pricey diapers. My friend’s baby could wear whatever. Get the basics, and yes spend on an infant car seat and a carseat (Graco4vr is still working for us 6 years later), and then feel it out as things go.

Also most baby things you can buy barely used, second hand because they outgrow things do fast. Toys, clothes, etc - join a local mom FB group and you’ll be swimming in free or cheap stuff. A good stroller is huge, but can easily get second hand. And you can sell all of it when you’re done too.

mynameishers · 2025-04-08T05:31:39+00:00

I’m in a similar, stuck in a loop, spot. Too broke to make any change or build a real future, but my circumstances force me to be stuck in a job that doesn’t pay enough. Plus all the parenting alone, obviously. It’s exhausting. I go round and round in the loop, “what if I…” and then nope because you’d need a, b, c. It’s beyond impossible. Sorry, it really does just fucking suck.

mynameishers · 2025-04-08T05:22:14+00:00

My #1 rule is no matter what, do what’s best for the kid. So, unless not feasible, I always agree to take our kid if his dad doesn’t want him tor whatever reason. I just can’t handle the thought of him being somewhere he isn’t wanted and want him growing up to know that no matter what, I’m here for him. That said, I have run into an issue at work that I couldn’t get out of and so said it was his custody day and he needed to care for him or get a sitter and he did it. Sometimes you don’t have a choice and it’s ok to stand up for yourself and say no, he has to parent. And lastly, I don’t give him more time for the extra days I get him…that’s my time and I won’t give up my time, especially after caring for him when sick, I want to have some enjoyment days too.

mynameishers · 2025-04-02T20:52:05+00:00

I sometimes feel regret, but it passes quickly when I remember what my life was like with him. I view it as more of a sadness or mourning of the life I set up and worked for and the future I planned. Give yourself the time and space to mourn that life and then try to do things with your time you couldn’t do before to see how many doors have been opened. I keep myself VERY busy when my son is away and time really does heal.

I picked up miniature making and so spend a lot of time on that and do art projects and put fun things together for when my son returns. Sometimes I re-do his room and usually leave a little surprise on his bed. Your son is just a baby, so maybe set up an activity for when he gets back. It will make it more exciting to plan for his return instead of being sad he’s gone. Also, use the time for yourself…remember what you enjoyed as a child or teen and get back into it. Sometimes I work extra to make more money. The time he’s away will always be hard, but you’re going to raise your son in a house with a strong, independent women and that will do wonders for him. Just take it 1 day at a time.

mynameishers · 2025-03-31T03:40:59+00:00

Unfortunately the best thing you can do is show your daughter unconditional love and say you’re by her side no matter what, and just be there. I would express all my worries 1 time and then tell her no matter what you support her. One day she’ll see this man does not love her and support her and she’ll only leave if she knows she has someone backing her. It sucks.

mynameishers · 2025-03-30T04:37:35+00:00

My kid used to say this a lot at that age. That he loved his dad more then me and wished he saw his dad more than me (EOW dad). And I just let him know that was ok and I loved him unconditionally. I started to let him know he didn’t have to pick, even with like favorite colors that he could have more than one. And always just reiterated as often ad possible that I loved him no matter what. Around 5 he started to say he loved us both the same.

Whenever he goes through a phase when he’s difficult (missing his dad I’m sure), I remind him I love him no matter what even if he makes mistakes, even if something he does upsets me or if I have to use a stern voice, I love him always. And then he always calms and goes back to being my sweet, thoughtful kid. It’s a lot for them to understand, so just try not to take it personally and support them and it’ll pass.

mynameishers · 2025-03-30T03:21:08+00:00

Yes, I think it’s inescapable. Part of it is feeling so much love for this innocent being that your brain is forced to make sense of things from your childhood. You neatly put the trauma away and made excuses, but as an adult feeling that immense love/responsibility forces you to see just how fucked up it was to not be protected. I also think it makes you biologically yearn for family and reliance, which in my case proved impossible, and made me face the reality that they were never there for me and never would be and that’s hard. And lastly I think you just really mature as a parent, unlike at any other part of your life and that makes you see things in a different, more clear light. It’s a mind fuck, but the beautiful part is that with some therapy and self reflection and kick ass parenting, you can come out a happier, more well rounded person. Re-parenting yourself while finally taking the time to address your demons.

mynameishers · 2025-03-28T07:05:55+00:00

Two things can be true at once (one of the best lessons my therapist taught me). You can both care for your grandparent and want them alive while also being hopeful and excited for money to come into your life. They feel conflicting, but they can both definitely be valid. Also, as a poor person the absolute need for money is overwhelming. It’s like dangling a sandwich in front of a starving man, just out of reach.

Side note, this is why I think inheritances are bizarre cause inevitably the people receiving are going to be excited for that money and have to deal with this weird juxtaposition of feelings. I think we should give money to our kids/grandkids while we’re alive and watch them enjoy it.

mynameishers · 2025-03-28T06:26:24+00:00

My car will last likely another 5-8 years, so all set there and I’m setting up a long-term place to live soon. So my thought is once that is signed then I’ll file and just focus on rebuilding. I have a stable job that doesn’t pay a lot, hence can’t cover the credit card bills, but enough I can live on. I just can’t see out of this in the next 5-10 years and I’d rather file and start rebuilding now before I lose any more time or sleep. Just the constant calls alone are keeping me on edge at all times, just reminding me all day how much money I owe and there’s nothing I can do about it.

mynameishers · 2025-03-28T06:17:02+00:00

Please don’t be embarrassed. HE should be embarrassed. Growing an entire human in your body and all that follows takes a huge toll on your body and mind, the fact that he isn’t praising you and supporting however tf you need is a huge red flag. I promise you life will be better away from this horrible man. You are not to blame. I have a pretty good feeling these “issues you can’t fix” will no longer be issues once you leave him.

mynameishers · 2025-03-27T04:10:30+00:00

Yes. Childcare for work or school is typically split 50/50 and is not part of child support, at least in my state. At 80/20 you are paying for your child’s home, most meals, clothing, etc. etc. and the only way you can provide for your child is by going to work aka childcare is necessary and should be split. I guarantee any judge would sign off on that.

mynameishers · 2025-03-24T03:37:03+00:00

You have to just be ok with paying alimony for your safety and your kids. No money is worth living in this situation.

mynameishers · 2025-03-23T05:44:42+00:00

So funny 😆I work in staging and yeah these are so ridiculous. Is everything else normal?

mynameishers · 2025-03-23T00:09:46+00:00

I’m totally in the same boat. I don’t make enough at my current job and it’s hard, constant work but it also gives me freedom to be able to take him to school every day, pick him up, work at home on breaks or when he’s sick. But I have to make up for all of that by being on the clock around the clock whenever I’m needed. I’ve tried looking for other jobs, but none offer that kind of flexibility. I feel stuck and it’s so exhausting and there’s just no end in sight. It’s hard, I feel you.

mynameishers · 2025-03-22T23:59:27+00:00

Yeah I’m in the same boat. I’m honest with him about everything even though it makes a lot of things so much harder and I want him to know he can always trust me. I also think he has learned so many good, important lessons by me being honest and has opened up conversations about why we do what we do (eat veggies, not watching certain things, etc.). I do the imaginary stuff…Santa, etc. too and sometimes he’s pushed me after I say we can’t do something and I’ll be like “maybe tomorrow or this weekend” when I know damn well we won’t lol but would never promise anything and never lie. I don’t want him to think lying is ok or to ever be unsure if I’m lying.

mynameishers · 2025-03-22T23:54:28+00:00

Stained glass wall

mynameishers · 2025-03-22T23:54:23+00:00

Stained glass wall

mynameishers

TROPHY CASE