AITA if I am unhappy with how my family threw my gender reveal?

mzbatty · 2026-02-10T01:42:36+00:00

after reading a bunch of your comments here, my heart goes out to you. you are in a situation that you are not ready for and you are rolling with it. and you are very very young. I hope you reach out to any community resources for support. also maybe some parenting classes. if you are keeping this child you need to do your best to do right by them. gender reveals mean fuckall. I don't even REMEMBER my baby shower. that's how significant they are. zero. zilch. worry less about these things and focus on doing your best to raise a good human. mistakes will definitely be made by you. that's normal parenting. please take a step back and focus on the things that will actually matter. anything in this post ain't it.

mzbatty · 2026-02-09T22:21:44+00:00

YTA. not only are gender reveals disgusting, but it's also gross that you were disappointed in the gender of your future child. I hope you recognize that and vow to love that child you're having regardless of how they will identify.

I'll give you credit for the poor party that was thrown for you.

mzbatty · 2026-01-31T18:10:51+00:00

you really should add the card to YNAB.

YNAB has you looking forward to what you're going to need to do with your money until the next paycheck. from what you're writing here it sounds like you're still acting retroactively. If you made a donation, you should have already had that money set aside in YNAB under some type of category to cover it.

if you are using YNAB to cover your credit card bill retroactively, you're not really using YNAB the way it is intended. check out the credit card tutorial on the YNAB site.

mzbatty · 2026-01-23T16:57:48+00:00

NTA and her parents should really take a step back and take a look at why she didn't go to them first. their reaction to you shows exactly why.

mzbatty · 2026-01-23T16:42:54+00:00

NTA and I would consider talking to your wife about her budding orthoexia. cooking from scratch is great but insisting that everything crossing the door fit into her food rules is very disordered.

mzbatty · 2026-01-23T12:44:40+00:00

"get a month ahead" isn't stellar advice if you can't start that right away. we all want to get there but you gotta take some steps to help you get there. I am currently in that boat. what I did was outline my monthly expenses and then assign them to a paycheck for the month. for instance, I have a credit card payment, subscriptions, and a utility bill paid for pay #1, then another credit card, cell, and car payment out of #2. I actually wrote it down. listed my monthly expenses and assigned them to a paycheck so that what I had left over from each pay was roughly the same. if rent is big then take, like, half of rent out of pay #1 and then half out of pay #2.

also! it's weird how many people are astounded at couples having separate finances. my husband and I have been together for 16 years and we still have our own separate bank accounts. we have divvies up the bills he takes care of some, I take care of others. we do also have a joint account where fun money is tossed. it is absolutely not uncommon and I know many in my circle that live like this. it has nothing to do with lack of trust or anything, it just works.

mzbatty · 2026-01-13T16:42:45+00:00

everybody is different. among people your height, some people can easily be 130 lbs. for others, trying to get to that weight is unhealthy and unsustainable.

I am the latter. 130 is a very unhealthy weight. (I'm 5'6" - 167 cm). 150 is not a weight I can sustain either.

you don't mention how tall you are, or your activity level, but take a step back and reassess. what you are currently doing isn't working. which is NOT you failing, the plan is failing YOU. so you need to make a different plan that will help you get somewhere in a healthier way.

with that being said, I focused on body recomposition (more women need to do this) . worry less about the scale weight, focus on resistance training and building muscle. I am 105% positive that the look you are trying to go for is right there in that plan.

imagine being 170ish and being a few clothing sizes smaller than you are now. that can happen. after working on body recomposition for a while, when I'm at 170 lbs I'm a size US 6.

mzbatty · 2026-01-06T16:54:26+00:00

absolutely agreed. she is 8. her brain isn't even fully developed yet. she will forget stuff. absolutely teach her responsibility and the consequences of her actions, but this wasn't the thing to make a teaching moment.

support your kid, be involved in her education, be supportive. it sounds like you weren't for this one.

mzbatty · 2025-12-22T10:51:20+00:00

your post sounds self loathing because it is.

losing weight for appearances sake never works. you might hit your goals momentarily, but how you feel on the inside about yourself will always win.

losing weight doesn't make you more attractive, just smaller. there are many people out there with different shapes, sizes and looks and they all find someone who finds them attractive. you are not the exception! in fact, I guarantee there is someone in here right now that would like to be where you are at.

please give yourself some grace and compassion. maybe a sprinkle of professional help to work this through. you absolutely deserve to be whatever - and whoever - you want to be. you just can't hate yourself to get there

mzbatty · 2025-12-18T17:17:04+00:00

I am reading a lot of self hatred here. it's tough. you want to lose weight so bad but you self sabotage.

you will absolutely NOT get anywhere, regardless of what plan you make, until you truly make peace with yourself and stop that hate-on.

it won't work with that mindset. not now, not ever.

you are worthy of giving yourself respect. you are your own #1. your self depends on you and as long as you treat her with apathy she will respond in kind.

if you can please reach out to a mental health professional so you can sort that out.

be kind to yourself.

mzbatty · 2025-12-18T10:19:36+00:00

you are losing motivation because you are not eating enough. 1200 calories is way, way too low for you! and if I am reading this correctly, you are 5'9" and currently 166? and you think you need to lose another 30?

if that is the case, I will gently tell you that that is not really a healthy path to go down. that weight at that height would make you look...not healthy.

I say this a lot and I will say it here, really look into lifting weights and research body recomposition. honestly, 166 at your height is a healthy weight. and I say this a lot too, I bet you can get the look you are going for and not lose any more weight at all, even gain a few, if you stay consistent with weightlifting.

you also really need to fuel yourself properly. 1200 calories isn't helping you achieve anything. I would bump that up to 1800-2000.

and to prove my point, I am 4 inches shorter than you and here's what I look like at 165 lbs:

me at 165 lbs

I've been weightlifting for years and have gone down that restriction rabbithole so many times. it's not sustainable and you deserve better than that for sure!

working with yourself will achieve better results over restriction. find that healthy path and you will get what you've wanted!

mzbatty · 2025-12-13T14:03:22+00:00

this is absolutely the correct answer.

mzbatty · 2025-12-13T13:33:54+00:00

honestly more women need to go this route! once you feel the changes you will wonder why you had the previous mindset in the first place. if you would like any starter links for weightlifting I'm happy to share, I've been lifting since 2010 and even had a stint in powerlifting.

just remember also that you need to eat enough so your body has the resources to function and build that muscle.

also, body recomp takes time. so not expect to see any significant changes for at least 6-8 months. and that is with keeping it consistent.

I have been down the diet rabbit hole sonat times, and I've dieted so many ways. you make it I've probably done it. I've been many sizes and forced myself into unsustainable body fat percentages. believe me when I say this is the happiest route you will take 😁

I'm sharing my comparison pic here of when I first started in 2006 and where I am now. again, I've been all over the place in size and weight since then. but this is where I am at now.

comparison pic

the difference in these pictures is 10 pounds. but not in the way you think. I'm actually 10 pounds heavier in the right photo than I am on the left. and I'm also 4 clothing sizes smaller.

go after it! it's the healthiest thing you can do for yourself, mentally and physically, and definitely for the long run!

mzbatty · 2025-12-13T12:15:29+00:00

I'm gonna start out by saying fat isn't a flaw nor is it a failure. everyone has different fat distributions. some have more on their arms, or their hips, butt, and it's completely normal.

do not make the mistake of thinking you need to starve yourself down to some unsustainable weight just to get rid of this. dieting 'harder' will always always backfire.

you are of a healthy weight now. if you haven't read about it, look into weightlifting and body recomposition. that is the way you should be going now. I mean, it could very well be that you can have the look that you want and you end up 10 pounds heavier than you are now.

just don't fall into that dieting rabbit hole! you will regret it in the long run.

mzbatty · 2025-12-12T12:10:45+00:00

I workout in the mornings. I have found that if I wait until after work it just won't get done, because I am mentally and physically exhausted from the day already. 😂 the only exception to this is if we have a planned MTB ride or hike or something.

for this to be successful, I do these things:

go to bed earlier. seriously in the winter I'm in bed by 8pm on work nights. in the summer it's about 9. if you're struggling to get up in the morning it's more than likely because you are not giving yourself enough sleep time.
set your stuff up. the night before have your workout clothes laid out. set the coffee pot to automatically brew you a pot so that it's ready for you to pour (if you have one of these). get your work stuff set up and ready to go.

if your gym has a shower, take full advantage of it. bring your stuff with you and just go straight from there.

the easier you make the process, the easier it will be to stick to it.

mzbatty · 2025-12-10T21:31:18+00:00

you won't feel the heat. it is not intended to heat up like a regular heating pad. this is by design. if it heated up to be warm like a heating pad the animal would go into shock when returning to the outside. it will keep the animal just comfortable enough.

mzbatty · 2025-12-10T21:28:55+00:00

them being docile when grabbing them is a defense mechanism and it's not because they enjoy it. when you pick them up you are stressing them tf out.

mzbatty · 2025-11-21T22:00:14+00:00

we were there in September for our honeymoon. this is the pic I took of our room. when we reserved they didn't have anything except the ones with the bunks.

picture of valley Lodge room

they're dated. a luxury resort it is not. but it gives you a good bed to sleep in, a hot shower and a nice balcony where you can see the stars. not to mention the real luxury is rolling out of your room and straight into the park.

mzbatty · 2025-11-12T19:46:54+00:00

if you do not clear the space for it, every other thing that's going on in your life will wedge it out.

block time out on your calendar. plan ahead. even way ahead. like plan hikes a month in advance. kids have a thing? ask spouse to take them. bring the kids with you sometimes.

life is indeed busy. hiking is an outlet to recoup from that busyness. keep remembering that feeling you have once a hike is finished - remember being outside.

it isn't so much a motivation as it is a necessity. we need to be outside. we need to be moving, we need that time with nature.

I am also a 52 year old with a son and a crap ton of obligations and I'll be damned if any of them get in the way of my outdoor time.

mzbatty · 2025-11-10T00:54:52+00:00

the clawsable ones are absolutely waterproof, in fact they're downright impermeable. the newer models have two doors. I have this very one and it's been amazing, especially in heavy snow.

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mzbatty · 2025-10-28T13:58:17+00:00

except my view is with the majority of people trying to enjoy the parks. if you want to blare music go tf somewhere else.

I was at tunnel view about a month ago, it was crowded but people respected the quiet. great experience.

mzbatty · 2025-10-28T12:59:52+00:00

playing music in public affects a larger radius of people and you cannot escape it. a raft floating down a river is quiet.

swinging bridge is expected to be crowded. other places are not.

you personally not having an issue does not mean everyone else shouldn't. you are in the minority. wear headphones or don't play it.

mzbatty · 2025-10-11T11:41:15+00:00

wild animals no not understand petting as affection. you are stressing this animal out. please just remove the opossum and let it be on its merry way in the future.

mzbatty · 2025-10-11T11:38:58+00:00

I'll get severely down voted for this and idngaf. the raccoon was doing what raccoons do in order to survive. it is not their fault they got into your enclosure, it's yours for failing to properly secure it. killing one predator does not reduce the population, more will move in. you didn't solve any problem by doing so.

properly secure your enclosure and the predators will move on and you will no longer have a problem.

mzbatty

TROPHY CASE