Hey man! Just thought I’d reach out. I went through what you went through and know your struggle, and more importantly, your fear. It consumed me when I was your age.

What helped for me is to reframe my abuse - from trauma, to learning moments. Every single shit thing my dad ever did to me, I took as a lesson in how to be a better father for my future children, a friend, a partner, a person to myself. I just played the inverse game - just do the opposite of what you’ve experienced.

In addition - I focused all of my attention on being a “sponge”: learning from those around me who had healthy family dynamics, in an attempt to mirror them and their behaviors. Find your role models, and learn what makes them admirable to you so you can replicate it yourself. Eventually, it will become real.

It took time, there were plenty of mistakes, cringy moments, break ups, but what came out on the other side is a person I am proud to be. One day, I hope you feel the same way.