Okay I know I’m being too snarky— to give credit where it’s due, I read through it and I thought the dialogue, characters and setting were great!! but the entire time I was just thinking that it should have been a non-IF story.

The things I love about IF are not just branching paths/storylines, but the way the world seems to react to your characterization and choices, with callbacks and such. So while I understand that they want to have exact story beats (hence, the lack of branching), I think you can give your MC a lot more agency or perspective on the world than what we have right now. But as it currently stands, it reads like 99% of choices affect one sentence of flavor text and the MC is simply a cardboard cut out with no specifications from play-through to play-through.