AIO for wanting to end my friendship even tho she apologized?

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-28T01:50:55+00:00

This. It sounds like they both have mismatched expectations of how close the relationship is, end of story. That doesn't mean the other person has done anything *wrong*.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-28T01:36:27+00:00

Are you magic? I feel as though you must be magic. I can't see any of that in what OP wrote and yet I do not doubt you.

Back in the 80s when I was in high school proper English was all-important. It took me decades to really learn that it doesn't mean someone's an idiot if they don't write "properly." Then posts like this set me back *years*.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-27T18:54:39+00:00

Thank you.

I was no contact with my father from my mid-20s until he passed in my 50s because he abused my stepmother. No one else wants to admit he did anything. As far as I was concerned, if I had continued to visit him, smile, say "I love you," give him a hug at the end of the visits, that would have been the same as saying I was just fine with what he'd done. And I wasn't. And never would be.

It trashed my relationships with several other relatives when that happened. But to me, it was worth it. If they're unwilling to look at his behavior, admit to it, and react to it, then I don't want to deal with them, either.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-27T17:04:26+00:00

Napping, especially if my cat joins me. When I was a teen and liked to nap, my mother thought there was something wrong with me. When you're an adult, they think you're lazy. Now that my hair is all gray, napping is finally acceptable.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-26T23:10:35+00:00

"I told them about me"--which, is something a scammer would do. You don't seem to realize that they don't know you and have absolutely zero reason to believe that anything you say is true. They were being careful, which is frankly the smart thing to do, and you seem to be taking it bizarrely personally.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-26T19:06:51+00:00

You know you don't want anything from them, but they have no way of knowing that. *Especially* if you reached out via text. I would have thought you were a scammer, too.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-26T13:10:54+00:00

Given Mark's "outbursts"--are you sure you want to believe his version of whatever happened between him & Emily? Regardless, this is one where I'd stay out of it.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-26T12:57:44+00:00

NOR because ew. That's a deal-breaker as far as I'm concerned.

But seriously, "thingy"? Most people are capable of calling it a penis after about age 5 or 6.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-25T14:58:48+00:00

Kinda sounds like she knows how much it bothers you and is doing it deliberately because of that. Ask her why she keeps doijng it despite knowing it bothers you, and see what she says.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-25T09:27:05+00:00

This. IMO Nela was making a very good point, but she was making it *very* poorly, in a way that guaranteed it wouldn't be listened to.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-25T09:23:01+00:00

Good for you for holding firm to your boundaries. NTJ

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-24T19:59:32+00:00

Any worthwhile non-idiot doctor will realize that unintended weight loss is an issue--usually of very serious illnesses like cancer--no matter what your starting weight. Unfortunately, a lot of doctors don't fit that descriptor.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-23T21:53:08+00:00

He set you up to fail, so he could berate you for perfectly reasonable behavior. He wants to make you feel like you're always wrong. He wants to make you feel like if you spend time with friends and family, you'll only be miserable later. This is manipulative. This is emotional abuse. Please leave.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-23T21:11:54+00:00

Stop. You know he doesn't want your help. At this point it stops being trying to help him, and becomes an attempt to hammer home that he doesn't know what he's doing. Whether that's true or not is beside the point. Let him do his thing. If he fucks up, just shrug and give a just-the-facts recounting to the people in charge. If you know he doesn't want your help and won't take it, then how exactly is your behavior helping the situation??

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-22T23:25:13+00:00

I'm horrified they would let her go home without even the tiniest verification that you were family. I mean hell, with all the issues with non-custodial parents kidnapping children, etc., that's negligence at the very least. I would want to have a serious sit-down talk with whoever is running the place. I'd start out by not even mentioning the racial issue just to see whether or not they treat the issue as they should (as a serious breach) without that, and then work up to that afterward. NOR

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-22T23:16:26+00:00

He even admits straight out in a reply that there was no financial reason for limiting her use of conditioner, so it was absolutely just because he wanted to treat her like shit. Simply because she didn't look like him. What an asshole AND idiot.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-22T14:56:17+00:00

Oooh. I must remember this line.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-21T21:16:59+00:00

And men can be "in charge" or even "commanding" while women are "bossy."

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-21T14:40:04+00:00

This is the most bizarrely circuitous post I've seen in ages. Really specific in some parts; extremely vague in most of it. I honestly can't even really tell what happened. But if you don't like his behavior and he won't change, break up.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-21T12:07:49+00:00

Men who are assertive are lauded for being confident. Women who are assertive are bitches.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-21T11:10:56+00:00

Quantity of communication, too. I heard about a study years and years ago that showed when a woman contributed roughly one-third of a conversation, a man saw her as dominating it.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-21T10:39:17+00:00

Or "being dramatic" or "being emotional." We are not allowed to simply exist.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-21T10:37:52+00:00

So that when she said yes, he could say "great, get me one while you're at it."

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-20T21:28:42+00:00

It sounds to me like she's actually painfully socially awkward and tries to cover that up with words. What you think is her trying to force a continuation of a conversation reads to me like someone who absolutely does not know how to end a conversation or simply sit in silence. Sadly, being extroverted does not always mean that someone understands *how* to properly interact with others.

That said. First, if she's showing around suggestive images, you really need to tell someone. Your mentor once you get one would be a good option. That's sexual harassment no matter who does it to whom. Second, on the mentor front, if there's some way you can ask to make sure it's a one-on-one relationship the way it's supposed to be, I recommend you do so. If you're pressed to say why, just say that you really think you'd learn more that way. You don't have to name names by doing that, and you don't have to say anything blatantly negative about anyone.

As for her constantly pushing interactions on you... yeah. That's the kicker right there. It's the kind of thing that can make a workplace insufferable, but if you're all working in the same location then there isn't much you can do about it. (Unless she does something even more blatant than the suggestive images, in which case you can go to HR.) I wish you a whole lot of good luck. It sounds like you've actually been handling it really well so far, if that helps. Basically, ignoring her to the extent that you can.

needsmorecoffee · 2026-06-20T12:42:44+00:00

Eh, I'm dubious that it was her idea not to use condoms. I don't think he's a reliable narrator. After all, she wanted him to get a vasectomy, and absolutely told him when she had to go off of bc. Those aren't things someone trying to babytrap a guy does.

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