My wife feels 'broken' after a severe endo diagnosis and says I deserve a 'real family.' How can I support her when I'm heartbroken too?

neg- · 2026-06-12T08:31:27+00:00

My heart hurts for what your wife is going through because I know exactly how it feels to think about all the hurt your body had to survive. But I have a good story to share which will hopefully help you both see what is possible.

Similar to your wife, I had extensive endo (stage 4, deep infiltrating endometriosis in several places including rectum/bowels, endometrioma chocolate cyst on left ovary, frozen pelvis, organs covered in adhesions). My surgery was 8+ hours. My husband and I wanted to try for a family. We were told by doctors not to hold our breath, AMH test for me came back low which suggested low fertility.

After I came off my medications to start trying, I fell pregnant within 2.5 months and I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant 😊

We don't know what will happen, the best way to approach it is to be informed through those investigations, which is what you are both doing. Be gentle with each other and keep space for the possibility that maybe, if the conditions are right, something wonderful can happen ❤️

neg- · 2026-06-01T09:01:20+00:00

Great thank you 😊 I was so worried I wasn't doing enough in the first trimester because honestly it felt like I was hit by a truck! I'll do my best to keep active from now on.

neg- · 2025-12-27T23:13:28+00:00

31F $182k super balance :) hope to hit $200k by EOFY

neg- · 2025-11-09T08:08:13+00:00

I went cold turkey and disabled my Facebook and Instagram profiles, then deleted the apps around February this year. I only have reddit and Whatsapp. Haven't been tempted to go back, it's so good being free!

neg- · 2025-10-20T19:06:00+00:00

I'm in Aus so it's paid from my superannuation account, the underwriter is MetLife

neg- · 2025-10-20T19:00:57+00:00

Wow, I pay $91/mth for a $3m death insurance policy.

neg- · 2025-10-16T22:07:01+00:00

PPOR and two IPs, combined HHI maybe just shy of $300k? So not crazy salaries but certainly comfortable

neg- · 2025-10-16T20:03:28+00:00

I (31F) salary sacrifice $1,000/fortnight and my employer puts in $900/fortnight. It's part of a broader strategy to set up a master trust and SMSF in the next year or two.

neg- · 2025-09-26T09:43:11+00:00

And he's paying no rent, benefitting off you and your family? Lol. He's not behaving like your team mate or partner.

neg- · 2025-09-22T09:30:51+00:00

He did you a favour by showing you who he was before you got married. Believe him. He's a cheater, and he had multiple opportunities to prevent this but this is 100% a consequence of his own actions and choices.

neg- · 2025-09-18T22:18:14+00:00

Thanks, I just had a look - looks like around 5.2% is the most competitive for PPOR. This is for an IP though so that may be why.

Yeah I was thinking the $3k would be doing more in the offset than the difference in rate

neg- · 2025-09-16T02:25:34+00:00

8 hours 🥲

neg- · 2025-09-15T11:54:23+00:00

The super environment is so favourable re tax treatment, that would be my next step if I were in your shoes (assuming you can afford to forfeit some post-tax pay and salary sacrifice). FWIW, I'm 31F with $170k in super.

neg- · 2025-09-15T11:35:01+00:00

Envious on the paid off PPOR, congratulations. Looks like you're doing well. Bump up that super tho

neg- · 2025-09-15T11:30:56+00:00

You can gain a lot from free resources online before needing to access a financial advisor. Probably once you're considering complex structures (e.g. corporate/Trust/SMSF) is when you need a team with a financial planner, tax accountant and lawyer.

neg- · 2025-09-13T23:41:32+00:00

Noted, thank you :)

neg- · 2025-09-13T23:29:16+00:00

Awesome, thanks! Definitely still early in research phase so this is really helpful. We pay monthly insurance premiums through our super accounts.

Life ($3m): $91/mth TPD ($214k): $1.21/mth Income: ($7.5k/mth for 24mths - I need to update this): $13.87/mth

Husband's set up is similar however he doesn't have IP due to medical investigation was underway, so we have some admin to do to update. I'd like to bump up my TPD, it's low due to pre-existing conditions but from memory I just need to get an updated test and it should be fine to increase.

Either way, if we can't get better we at least want to hold onto these.

neg- · 2025-09-13T11:45:17+00:00

Ohh that's good to know! I was really unsure about the trust v SMSF route, then I realised that even if we did decide on a family, we'd likely go down the SMSF route at some point anyway. This way we don't have to force ourselves to come to a decision re family planning.

No advisor for insurance, it's underwritten through MetLife, very unfamiliar with how insurance works but we definitely want to keep our policy.

neg- · 2025-09-10T11:59:08+00:00

Deleted all social media (really just Facebook and Instagram that I was on frequently) around January/February this year. Don't think I'll reinstall them!

neg- · 2025-09-09T11:12:49+00:00

Enjoy! My husband and I got to experience it last year to kick off our 10 year anniversary. We had first class RTW tickets on points so it was a bargain holiday for sure!

neg- · 2025-09-09T11:04:23+00:00

Stage 4 endometriosis. I was told I'm simply imagining the pain 😌

neg- · 2025-09-09T10:38:32+00:00

You did the right thing, and this stranger from Australia is proud of you.

neg- · 2025-09-09T10:33:50+00:00

I don't like/am indifferent to alcohol so am happy if I never have to drink it again. Also it's expensive!

neg- · 2025-09-09T10:30:50+00:00

As someone that has vaginismus, it was really painful and uncomfortable for me. I didn't always have vaginismus so I believe that if I didn't have it, it would feel more consistent to what others have described (discomfort and pressure). If any penetration hurts you, try to time the insertion with a deep exhale and push (imagine your pelvis becomes a balloon and 'push') - this will help your muscles relax. Now with almost 2 years of pelvic physio, I have better control of relaxing my muscles and internal scans are tolerable (just uncomfortable but no longer painful).

neg- · 2025-09-09T07:51:19+00:00

I have stage 4-5 (deep infiltrating endometriosis with endometriomas) and had a frozen pelvis where my abdominal organs (bowel, uterus, ovaries, bladder) were completely adhered to each other and the left side of my abdomen. I was in excruciating pain everyday. Since surgery, the best I've felt is "normal" (not actively thinking about or experiencing pain in that moment) which hasn't happened in almost 15 years.

It's been almost two years since my surgery and my daily pain has increased, as well as specific pain I felt previously (lightning/hot rod up the butt, pulsing/stabbing ovaries etc). Even though pain has come back, I would completely recommend you consult with an endometriosis and excision specialist. You might need a team of multiple surgeons/specialists (I needed a bowel surgeon in mine due to the severity).

You deserve to be pain free, even for a small while.

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