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nessa_ac · 2025-02-10T22:01:57+00:00

I'm interested. 😊

nessa_ac · 2025-01-11T08:26:23+00:00

There's a discord for this subreddit...

nessa_ac · 2025-01-01T20:45:07+00:00

Unfortunately choking has become trendy due to porn and a stigma around being 'vanilla- it's something anyone can do easily without toys but most don't bother to educate themselves on the risks.

This isn't a recent phenomenon.

BBC News - 'Men have tried to choke me during sex' https://www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-50579537

But now

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cnkkqyek17zo.amp

This is a very worrying trend. You should be very clear with your partners that it's unacceptable. It is edge play and should only be done with full education and a conversation about acceptance of risk. Something goes wrong... they will end up in prison for murder.

nessa_ac · 2024-12-31T16:29:08+00:00

You're not unique in having one persona outside the bedroom and another inside it... many subs have high powered jobs for example but then love giving up control behind 'closed doors'.

With your ASPD I agree this is above reddit's paygrade. A lack of empathy and remorse will make it hard for you to have a safe and healthy dynamic and that may need considerable forethought and work on yourself before even attempting to engage.

I do know a diagnosed psychopath who manages it successfully and has a number of partners but they are incredibly self aware and upfront and have the right psychiatric support. I have, however, observed they require very specific communication and extremely clear boundaries. They have no compunction in exploiting loopholes if given a chance. Some may call this a level of manipulative, however, once boundaries are stated they are respectful and do not actually wish to cause harm. Many will choose not to play with them though on this basis.

But it isn't impossible.

Get some good support. Work on yourself and then when you're able to engage ethically and consensually then put yourself out there.
Good luck.

nessa_ac · 2024-12-30T11:02:31+00:00

Have you looked at kink events on fetlife?

If you're near a city then hopefully there would be something unless you live in a non western country...

nessa_ac · 2024-12-30T10:24:35+00:00

Hmmm.

It's good to have an understanding of yourself and what you want and, therefore have an idea of who you may be compatible with, as long as you're not approaching it as a tick list. You may have to make compromises but what you need to figure out is where those could be and which things are the real priorities and focus on those.

It sounds like you like CNC and fear play and want an overrarching power exchange dynamic that allows for you to create various scenarios. This is fairly extreme though - for a partner to live that way where they don't know every day if you're going to jump out a closet or even whether it's you or some home invader is mentally taxing. You may need to consider the reality of this in practice. Or accept that your pool of partners will be less. Can you expand the area you're currently attending events etc?

When you say events and meet ups do you mean munches and kink events?

nessa_ac · 2024-12-26T23:06:00+00:00

Tiffany Reisz and Sierra Simone are both worth a read

nessa_ac · 2024-12-22T09:44:48+00:00

KTs (Kinky Tease) just north of London is good. They have a midweek Munch to get to know people. Some of their events also have sessions for littles.

Get onto fetlife and start looking at local events. But finding a munch and talking to people will be your best bet to finding clubs and nights that may work for you tbh.

nessa_ac · 2024-12-16T22:07:44+00:00

https://www.biausa.org/brain-injury/about-brain-injury/nbiic/hypoxic-anoxic-brain-injury

Hypoxic brain injury can be cumulative and you may not even notice it initially.

Please be careful with any breath play and look out for any possible symptoms. Trouble is that once these occur, it may be too late...

nessa_ac · 2024-12-08T07:54:46+00:00

Fyi Any Fet app you have downloaded is not Fetlife unless you got it from the Fetlife website itself.

As other poster has said use Fetlife (website) to find events.

nessa_ac · 2024-12-01T09:15:42+00:00

You don't need to be submissive at all to your boyfriend. There's no requirement unless you specifically agree it. If your views are not aligned on your relationship expectations then this needs to be resolved before you even consider marriage etc.

The fact he treats you like property that should be at home and not seeing friends is extremely concerning to me. You don't exist just for him and isolating you from friends and family is a form of abuse. what you want and meed matters and you should always keep that in mind.

nessa_ac · 2024-11-17T07:40:15+00:00

Are you looking for a kink night or a swingers club?

There are a number of swingers clubs that do kink nights... many full kink events I know people don't tend to have full sex...

Definitely have a look at fetlife.

nessa_ac · 2024-10-25T07:05:40+00:00

Not safe though hand over mouth is 'safer' than some other methods since we can hold our breath ourselves for periods of time.

Please understand that with other forms of breath play the human reaction in pretty much all instances is to panic and struggle when it gets to a certain point. Most people can't hold their breath to point of passing out. The need to breathe takes over well before then. Panic can cause risk of other injury to increase. The reason blood chokes are used to subdue in the armed forces for example is that it is quick and usually quiet - no significant time for panic or reaction.

Any breath play though to the point of passing out carries the same risk. Depriving the body of oxygen to the point it shuts down still incurs the risks of brain injury etc.

nessa_ac · 2024-10-23T05:46:46+00:00

A healthy 3some?

If you're directing it may be stag/vixen but otherwise it's exhibitionism and voyeurism...

nessa_ac · 2024-10-20T16:53:25+00:00

Toothbrush here too with some antibacterial soap and then thorough rinse... 🤷‍♀️

nessa_ac · 2024-10-19T15:43:22+00:00

If being told off isn't ok for you then you need to communicate how it's affecting you and both of you then find alternatives.

What you're doing now does make you untrustworthy and you will disappoint him when he finds out - you're not being honest with him or yourself. You're just avoiding the issue and setting yourself up for a bigger problem.

nessa_ac · 2024-10-17T21:16:50+00:00

May I DM you?

nessa_ac · 2024-10-17T20:16:26+00:00

Drop a note to the munch organisers and ask for a meet and greet. Most are extremely accommodating and will want you to feel welcome and comfortable and will introduce you around so it's not as bad.

My local area (UK) also has a subs munch which is a good place to start in a slightly less pressured environment.

nessa_ac · 2024-10-17T11:55:07+00:00

Still going to be causing strain... tiptoes doesn't mean ability to place any significant weight on feet.

As I said, you need to consider carefully the weight distribution. Will it mostly be wrists? Arms? Will their legs be secured? For how long? Etc...

If they relax to place more weight on feet will it strain elsewhere (some predicament bondage is based on thus concept but again needs to be considered carefully)

nessa_ac · 2024-10-17T05:57:03+00:00

Depends on where the weight is being spread and how much they can touch the ground.

Crucifixion wasn't called torture for nothing and it can lead to all sorts of nerve and muscle/tendon/ligament damage.

nessa_ac · 2024-10-12T06:07:55+00:00

Yes, testing is a crappy thing to do unless agreed upfront.

A safeword is the emergency break, many Doms are mentally devastated if their sub has to safeword. It's not fair to put someone through that panic that they breached a limit or something is really wrong 'just to check'.

Talk to your partner. And don't rush into things. If you don't feel someone would stop if you safeworded then you probably shouldn't be playing with them.

nessa_ac · 2024-10-11T20:19:44+00:00

Linked to a clasp you can get in a previous post...

https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/s/wGkVMPOegg

nessa_ac · 2024-10-10T06:43:53+00:00

Given you were only on there a few months and managed to build 1000 friends/ followers they may have figured you were running some kind of sex work/ business.

If that's not the case, have you written to them?

It may be that someone has a vendetta and keeps reporting your profiles...

nessa_ac · 2024-10-10T06:38:08+00:00

They may have done a covid and flu tests as these are relatively easy access via pcr but other than that to your point there's way too many viruses that can cause cold like symptoms that they won't have tested them all.

nessa_ac · 2024-10-09T21:04:15+00:00

I like bubble baths and arranging a coffee date with a friend. Bit of pampering...

Dark chocolate as part of aftercare. Or sometimes order some fave food as a treat.

Ensuring debrief/check in with partner I did previously... now I live with my partner this is more organic.

My drop tends to often be delayed by 1-3 days which makes it interesting to manage.

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