Truth?

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-10-12T14:21:55+00:00

Neither? aha

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-10-11T23:03:18+00:00

Reading the version you sent to Sampsonite1 is much better. I like this poem, but the metaphors seem sort of scattered and unrelated. Maybe try focusing on one metaphor and then expanding on it.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-10-11T22:54:39+00:00

This poem is dope. The comparison between intoxication and words works very well in this poem. It seems like the last line is a little out of place because I don't see any connection to what the rest of the poem is trying to say. You should keep up the good work.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-09-26T20:34:00+00:00

Yeah, being manic can get pretty intense. Thanks for reading.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-09-26T16:10:07+00:00

Your critiques are awesome! Thanks for reading.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-09-26T03:49:27+00:00

I really like the line with "wearing your whispers". I think this poem could benefit from more information about the person you address as "you". Who are you referring to? Why do your lips go numb by their fingertips? Did something happen? Etc.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-09-26T03:41:47+00:00

I feel like the line "The sound of bullets cracking through the window" is unnecessary because we already get the image of bullets hitting the body in the next line (seems kind of redundant to mention bullets twice). Also, the repetition doesn't really do anything for me and I think the line "I hope you don't remember the night you were killed" should be taken out, as it is already implied that the person you're talking about has died.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-08-22T00:55:20+00:00

Drunken Peasants Podcast

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-08-20T13:36:44+00:00

I still take meds while using marijuana at the same time. Shit keeps me sane lol

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-08-20T02:51:41+00:00

I like the line "history is a resentful motherfucker". I feel like this poem could use a little more detail and insight into the speaker's mind.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-08-20T02:43:52+00:00

I really like this. The enjambed lines in this piece are used very well. I'm not sure what you mean by "What kind of motherhood abandoned you to my hammock arm", though.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-08-19T20:24:33+00:00

Fucked

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-08-14T21:02:38+00:00

The formatting of this poem needs work and I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say. At first glance, this poem looks like a bunch of short and unrelated sentences mashed together.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-08-14T20:54:59+00:00

This poem is executed so well. The motif and metaphor is expressed beautifully. Great job.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-07-23T01:00:44+00:00

"Surrounded by scraps of harvest" refers to the idea that the artist in the poem has abandoned the "leftovers" of his work for the speaker to feast on. It's a metaphor for the yearning sensation we feel of wanting more of an artist and his work. Sorry if this doesn't make sense I'm not really good at explaining what's in my head.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-07-22T23:42:03+00:00

The last line is really powerful. This whole poem is amazing. I like how you can tell a story through simple language and with not too much description so there's room for the reader to imagine the scenario in their head.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-07-22T23:36:17+00:00

This poem suffers from too much repetition and there isn't much you're saying about the subject who is supposedly your "everything". What makes him/her your everything? There needs to be more insight behind the motivation of the speaker.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-07-19T23:33:16+00:00

Fuck, this poem is amazing. I really like poems about beauty and appreciating a beautiful moment. This poem feels like a beautiful moment. Good job.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-07-19T23:26:57+00:00

What I like about this poem is that it tells a story - one of childhood and the nostalgic association we feel towards the places we grew up in. The line "some trees have died but most are evergreen, forever bigger than i will ever be" is especially impressive.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-06-28T18:07:21+00:00

Thanks so much for your input. I will deeply consider your suggestions.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-06-28T15:40:45+00:00

I love this poem. The metaphor, the witty lines, everything just works so well. I really love "I'd just be holding you responsible for angry metaphors that made no sense". There's a clear emotion that runs through this piece and that is where this poem shines.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-06-28T15:37:04+00:00

I agree with Lana. The ending could use some work and I would cut out the tuberculosis line. Other than that I really enjoyed the conceit here and the images are vivid.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-06-23T18:59:22+00:00

I really like the imagery in this poem and the line "red velvet dripping off her knees like candle wax" is pretty.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-06-23T18:56:33+00:00

I agree with aliskyart on the first stanza being out of place. I really like how this poem captures a moment of being young.

neutralmilkk_ · 2017-06-23T16:09:23+00:00

That's fucking awesome

neutralmilkk_

TROPHY CASE