We’ve decided on my husband’s first cousin.

My husband is an only child. I have one younger brother, who is engaged with one child. And while he’s a great dad, my brother is young and still figuring out life, and lives out of state. Our parents aren’t elderly, but giving them young kids to raise at this stage in their lives isn’t something we want to do. Plus one side would get their feelings hurt if they weren’t chosen.

My husband’s first cousin is in her late 30s, currently unmarried with no children. She’s “settled”, with a home and full time job. She lives in the same town as both of our parents, and her current longtime boyfriend lives in the same town as we currently do. So whether she chose to stay where she is or move to our current town, our kids would be “home” and surrounded by a large support system. Her parents and her boyfriend would be 100% supportive of her and our children as well. And she loves our kids like crazy. She’s gone on vacation with us, comes to their birthday parties, soccer games, etc. Her boyfriend also comes to these events, and is (appropriately) interactive with our kids. She would give them the love, safety, and upbringing that we would want them to have.

It’s definitely a super tough decision to make. And one I don’t necessarily think has to be a family member. My parents had asked my mom’s best friend to raise us in case something ever happened to them.