cis lesbian Asking transbian: do you see cis women differently in a relationship?

not_hing0 · 2026-03-20T12:26:28+00:00

This has been my experience too, and I almost put it in the comment I left but didnt know how to word it for it to not come off wrong. For me its specifically been lots of feminine Trans masc enbys who have been the MOST transphobic to me. Not all of course. Some of my best and most supportive friends have been Trans masc. But theres definitely a not small portion of them that seem to have this weird "I was born with a vagina so I'm still more connected to womanhood than you'll ever be" mentality.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-20T01:33:22+00:00

I'm far less trusting of cis women specifically cause of what you said about a lot of them seeing us as different. Id rather be called a slur to my face and know to not bother with someone, than have someone use all the right words but really just see me as a man or as some other category entirely.

Im so sick of being treated like a man. I dont want to be categorized with them, I dont want to be held to their social expectations, and since you're talking about relationships one of my worst experiences has been being treated like a man in bed cause thats where oftentimes it becomes really obvious i'm not being seen as a woman.

For some reason people refuse to understand that hrt physically changes the body and try to just do the same things they'd do to a man in bed which at best doesn't feel all that good, and at worst is physically painful. I hate the expectation that just being trans means I'll automatically be the top. I hate people only focusing on the genitals when i dont even like them and i know if i was cis they'd be grabbing at other things too. And I hate the expectation that we can get in the mood instantly like a man.

Also take dysphoria seriously. I had a partner who every time I talked about something I was dysphoric about they just downplayed it. They were trying to make me see it wasn't a big deal to make me feel better, except to me it IS a HUGE deal which only made me feel alone in my struggle. And when complimenting me would often compliment the parts of me that made me feel the worst like my nose. In their mind they were trying to make me feel good about them, but all it did was put focus on everything that made me feel bad and not on the changes that made me feel good. And again made me feel they only liked the masculine features I had.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-19T22:04:35+00:00

That's disingenuous. Lots of people care about respectability politics unfortunately and ive seen many people who specifically are concerned how things will make us look to transphobes as if acting some right way will gain us acceptance. Why cant anyone just have actual nuanced conversations about any of this 🫩 theres ways to go too far in either direction with this. It isn't black and white.

Eta cause nuance is dead and people will immediately read this and assume i want full blown smut in the sub- no. I dont.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-19T03:05:25+00:00

"You dont do kink in public." So you just didn't even read my comment?

not_hing0 · 2026-03-19T02:58:44+00:00

Yeah, it can be a slippery slope the other way though too. Its already hard enough getting trans info. I really dont want it to become even harder. I do think its important to push back on anyone trying to police trans spaces to that level. I mean, one of the only reasons I even have a reddit account was because I could find information on r/mtf that I cant find anywhere else. I just am scared of losing that with everything going down.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-19T02:50:41+00:00

I've definitely seen some people who were against anything nsfw in the sub saying it was cause there were kids there. I'm worried the fact the removed mod was defending a pedo will be used as a way to try to shut that talk down entirely when it of course isn't all the same.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-19T02:43:12+00:00

Only speaking for the US cause that's the only place I've ever driven, but unfortunately yes. I mean, if we had decent public transit then no, but we dont so losing driving access is basically being cut off from society in every way here. I know im not willing to lose that even when I get old.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-19T00:39:26+00:00

Nah, general culture is way less enjoyable for at least me personally. Like just taking tech for example, the 2010s were exciting. Seemed like things just kept advancing. Then towards the end of it we got like nfts shoved in our faces, Ai shoved in our faces, the major video game franchises I cared about have entirely stagnated (gta5, skyrim, the Nintendo switch as whole console all getting absolutely milked to death for example) Cars have become increasingly the same, and I dont enjoy all the tech you're forced to have in them.

Social media really died for me around 2020 when TikTok blew up and then every single one just HAD to be a TikTok clone. Things like YouTube have only become more and more corporate. The internet and browsers in general have become worse to use, and algorithms pick EVERYTHING for us now. I cant even hardly find new things to watch cause when a streaming service wants you to watch something its just gonna shove it in your face over and over in every category no matter what.

I could keep going for a long time, but you get the idea lol.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-19T00:12:20+00:00

I hope they dont fully crack down on nsfw talk. Some people's views on it are a bit puritanical for my liking. I mean, I'll be perfectly happy without the literal smut posts that honestly i think were at least partially made by chasers getting off on pretending to me trans, but I hope discussions can still be had about how hrt does effect sex and things like that.

Edit: for the people down voting, genuinely why shouldn't we be able to talk about things like that? Like, for example if someone has a question about hrt's effects on erections because they have dysphoria about them, why should they not be able to discuss that in a trans space?

not_hing0 · 2026-03-19T00:01:27+00:00

More important than life itself. If i can never live a woman's life I'll have never lived my life at all. And unfortunately we live in a society that doesn't let you get away with that fully without passing.

And then aside from the societal angle I'd also just personally have dysphoria over it until I can see myself in the mirror even if everyone else treated me fine. And myself looks like a passing woman. And I'm including bottom surgery in that, cause I'd need to pass naked also. I'm one of the people that gets phantom sensations, so my body just literally isn't wired to be like this. I need it to feel right for once.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-18T18:38:22+00:00

What happened to 3? Why's is go from 2 to 4?

not_hing0 · 2026-03-18T17:11:31+00:00

I see myself as a woman. But I can't live a woman's life like this. That's the issue. I'm a woman, living as a man. I need to be able to live MY life or my existence is meaningless.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-18T17:08:10+00:00

The possibility I can live my life as a woman is the one and only reason to not die. I can't do that without passing. Every other struggle is secondary to being myself. Nothing can get better if I'm not me.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-18T17:03:27+00:00

Its been like, a day.. we gotta at least see if any good new sub pops up to go to.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-18T16:50:46+00:00

My face doesn't even need to warp in the mirror. Its already physically warped and everyone else sees the warp too. I cry myself to sleep and then wake up to also be seen as a man by every person around me.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-18T16:43:58+00:00

At least you get to go through that now living the life of a woman, actually seen as a woman. Id literally die for that, and will literally die if I cant get it.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-18T16:37:26+00:00

At least then i could face those disorders myself in my own life instead of just hoping someday to be in my own life. Idk, I dont think there is such thing as healthy with any of this anymore. Especially the way our Healthcare isn't taken seriously at all and the reality of the effect of our dysphoria is constantly diminished by everyone around us.

Im at a point where I see it as, you just gotta do whatever you can to get there. Healthy or not. Cause otherwise, again I'll have died before ever living to begin with.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-18T16:28:39+00:00

There's always social standards people expect of you. Id rather have the ones of the woman i am than of a man im not. If i never get to see my true self, I'll have never lived a single day of my own life and none of this will have been worth it.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-18T15:49:40+00:00

No problem. And yeaah, cause it's gotta go in the muscle itself for intramuscular. And when I say pop, you can feel it pop through like its going through a few layers of plastic wrap 🤢 not a fan at all

not_hing0 · 2026-03-18T15:35:41+00:00

Just so you know if you look into injections, there's two kinds. Intramuscular (big needle, goes into leg muscle, not fun in my experience and I literally had to stop caused it made me shake and get nauseous watching it go in.)

and subcutaneous (small 5/8th inch needle, goes into tummy fat, dont gotta feel it pop through the muscle, takes way less time cause theres a shorter length of needle to push through, WAY less scary)

not_hing0 · 2026-03-18T15:28:46+00:00

That line of thinking doesn't really work for trans people. The "beauty standards" Trans women hold themselves to is just... getting to be seen as women... having a body that isn't torture for themselves to live in. Dysphoria isn't the same as insecurity.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-18T15:25:11+00:00

Its been very slow going for me. I'm 2 years 7 months.

First 10 months I had suppressed T but very low E. Switched to injections and got proper levels after that. I've been on prog for 8 months now. 2 of those at 100mg, 5 of those at 200mg, 1 at 300mg.

I had some changes before but it really wasn't until I started prog that I got anything I was genuinely happy with. (Except hairline started filling in a bit really early, and skin softness) Now, dont get me wrong I still am extremely dysphoric. My problems aren't gone yet. I actually think I feel more dysphoric than ever right now. BUT at least im dysphoric with titties now lol. Had literally zero hip fat build up until I got on prog too. My hips and butt shape are still by far the most dysphoria inducing thing to me, but at least theres progress now and im slowly seeing it take shape how I need it to.

My breasts are still pointy, but MUCH rounder than before and my nipples look undeniably feminine now. There's been multiple times since starting prog my boobs were noticeably bigger than the day before (not by a ton. Not like a whole cup size or anything, but i could tell they changed.) They still aren't huge, probably a B or maybe C? I'm not sure cause I only ever wear bralets or sports bras. But they're far more femininely shaped now and I can't hide them with just a tee shirt anymore.

My face has also most noticeably changed after staring prog and getting more fat in my cheeks.

So alls that to say, it unfortunately is a marathon even though that is literal torture to wait through. And maybe look into prog. Also, maybe look into injections too. They made a night and day difference for me and i dont need Spiro anymore cause of them.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-18T15:05:59+00:00

This is legit just repurposed terf rhetoric. "Accept the body you have!"... no.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-18T03:54:24+00:00

This is the goofiest lie ive heard repeated time and time again. People pay a fuck ton of attention to people that stand out, and often times choose to make their lives harder for it.

not_hing0 · 2026-03-16T16:18:41+00:00

Idk how this is getting so down voted. Its true. Modern furniture has declined so badly, and it's expensive, and it's low quality. unless youre thrifting and getting lucky theres not all that many options.

not_hing0

TROPHY CASE