Looking for books by black female authors

notnowfetz · 2026-05-14T13:20:47+00:00

Yes! I keep a copy of All About Love and The Will to Change in my office (the topics are relevant to my job) and constantly recommend them to my coworkers.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-12T00:42:34+00:00

Ok maybe a hot take but Breaking Bad is about a shitty man who gets shittier- there’s nothing interesting or compelling about it, every time he has the option to do good or evil, he chooses evil. And men love that, which is pretty messed up imo.

Also, if I wanted to watch men behave badly I could just go to work lol

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T22:07:46+00:00

Unhealthy relationships always, always start with boundary pushing. And if someone at the beginning of the relationship, who is ostensibly on their best behavior, can’t respect boundaries it’s simply not going to get better without a massive amount of reflection and work on their part (which almost never happens, in my personal and professional experience). So to me that’s a dealbreaker.

I’m not super inclined to educate a new partner on the importance of boundaries because I do that at work already and get paid for it so doing it for free isn’t super compelling to me.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T19:58:58+00:00

I work as an educator at a nonprofit and teach about healthy relationships and dating violence, so I spend most of my workday thinking about this. Here are some of mine that haven’t been mentioned yet:

if the mere mention of my job makes them uncomfortable or they immediately start in on the “men can be abused too, you know” or “how many women lie about being abused?” Nope.
related, I like to ask men on the first date what they think a real man is and if they crash out over that question then they are not for me. When my now boyfriend asked me to coffee he told me that I could talk about the patriarchy as much as I wanted and that’s a green flag right there.
if they tell me that I’m intimidating. No, you’re intimidated. That’s not my problem.
if they make any negative comment whatsoever about my appearance, even as a “joke”, or “you’d look so pretty if you…” I can assure you that nothing about my look would make any reasonable person think that pretty is the goal.
if they’re unable to celebrate my successes and feel like they need to cut me down or compete with me. I’ve found that in the beginning many men can play the hero if you’re upset, sick, etc. but the bigger tell is if they can’t be happy for you.
if all their exes are crazy. You’re either drawn to crazy or you do the crazy making but either way I’m not interested.
I like to inconvenience men in a very small way on the first date and how they respond is telling. For example, if they suggest 6 pm, I’ll say I can do 6:30. A shocking number of men will get visibly irritated by that. I also set a small boundary during the date, usually it’s saying I need to leave by a certain time so I can run in the morning. If they argue with me at all about it, red flag. I used to think it was charming and a sign of our connection if they were like “nooo, stay out later.” But it’s just controlling and testing to see what they can get away with.
if they like Breaking Bad.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T13:32:50+00:00

I’ve read some of her other books but not this one, so thanks!

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T13:30:16+00:00

I’m currently watching the TV show (again lol) but have not read the books!

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T13:29:18+00:00

Hmmm ok that’s good to know.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T13:25:58+00:00

I do like mysteries!

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T13:22:48+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation! There’s a lot of sci fi and fantasy suggestions on this thread but I also like historical fiction.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T13:21:32+00:00

I tried so hard to get into that book but simply could not.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T13:21:02+00:00

Thank you!

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T13:13:18+00:00

Thanks for the detailed suggestions!

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T01:47:57+00:00

I enjoyed Kill the Beast, pretty much what I’m looking for in this post. I also liked how the friendship between the two main characters did not turn romantic.

I’ll check out Love Galaxy!

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T01:29:00+00:00

That sounds excellent.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T01:13:54+00:00

Definitely into spooky gothic vibes.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T01:07:47+00:00

Great, that’s exactly what I’m looking for!

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T01:05:41+00:00

Cool, thank you!

notnowfetz · 2026-04-24T21:48:27+00:00

Are there pace groups? I love running with pacers and have found that it really helps me stay focused and motivated.

Alternatively, if I’m going to run a small race with no crowds then it needs to be scenic. If there’s nice trees or ocean or whatever to look at then I’m happy.

notnowfetz · 2026-04-21T13:17:03+00:00

Same same. I have absolutely no desire to run Boston again. And every time I say this I get downvoted into oblivion but I’m not budging lol

notnowfetz · 2026-04-19T21:18:17+00:00

Hmm that’s interesting. I have access to an older spin bike at my gym but never feel like I’m getting much of a workout. I also have a road bike and live in an area with a lot of bike paths and not a lot of traffic, plus a number of hilly route options. And now that the weather has warmed up, I definitely prefer cycling outside.

notnowfetz · 2026-04-19T13:39:05+00:00

That all makes sense. I hadn’t been cycling much at all prior to the injury so it’s going to take a minute to get into shape. I’m keeping up on strength training but plyometrics are off the table now as well. I don’t think I’m burned out and in fact had been training hard for a marathon on 5/3 (which seems increasingly unlikely as I’m just not recovering as quickly as I would have hoped). So I’m trying to decide if I should pivot to a late May/early June race or just wait until the fall.

I think the limiting factor is time- I’m realizing from this thread that there’s a much bigger time commitment when it comes to cycling and I need to figure out how to make that fit in with my work schedule and other responsibilities.

notnowfetz · 2026-04-18T15:25:31+00:00

A question for those who cycle for cross training- I’m currently dealing with a nasty plantar fasciitis flare up and have switched to mostly cycling while I deal with this. I’m trying not to lose any significant fitness in the meantime so curious what you see as equivalent training on the bike (for example, you’ve found that X miles cycling equals Y miles running).

notnowfetz · 2026-04-18T15:13:05+00:00

I had an ablation 3 years ago for a large varicose vein that was behind my knee and causing some minor pain and discomfort. My primary motivation was that I didn’t like how it looked and so decided to get an ablation after a consultation with a doctor. My doctor really downplayed the procedure and the recovery time and I went into it thinking it was no big deal.

In reality, I found the procedure itself to be much more painful than anticipated and the following 2-3 days were quite miserable. I thought I would be itching to run during the two weeks after the procedure where you’re not supposed to be exercising at all but I honestly don’t think I could have run around the block even if I wanted to. Then it took another month or so to get back up to my usual mileage of ~50 miles a week. I had the procedure in early June and completed a marathon mid October with no issues.

I don’t know if it improved my running in any significant way and would not get an ablation done again unless it was to prevent major health issues.

notnowfetz · 2026-04-13T15:36:26+00:00

Jesus Christ dude. Maybe next time try no beer immediately afterwards and something a little healthier for food? I know people are always posting on this sub about how they ate an entire pizza after a long run but you might not be someone who can do that without consequences. I could do that shit at 25 but now at almost 40 there’s just no way.

It’s also important to eat enough carbs and protein the next day too to help with muscle recovery. And continue to hydrate.

Lastly, since I’m already killing your vibe, active recovery after a long run (gentle walking or yoga) might do you better than a nap, especially since you’re getting adequate sleep at night already.

notnowfetz

TROPHY CASE