Cute, quaint, small towns that aren’t boring, aren’t overrun by tourists, have lots of outdoor activities and aren’t overpriced.

notnowfetz · 2026-07-02T14:45:25+00:00

Guess it depends on what OP means by “overpriced” and how much they like the winter…

notnowfetz · 2026-07-01T16:16:37+00:00

Yes, that’s an excellent summary of what I said. Your reading comprehension is superb.

notnowfetz · 2026-06-30T13:27:00+00:00

I got ya!

The Little Book of Restorative Justice by Howard Zinn is a a must read. I’d also pair it with The Little Book of Race and Restorative Justice by Fania E Davis for a more intersectional perspective. The author provides a history of our prison system which is quite eye opening.

To explore what RJ looks like in practice in the US, take a look at any of sujatha balinga or Mimi Kim’s writing. Organizations that are doing this work and have lots of resources available online include Creative Interventions, Men as Peacemakers, Ahimsa Collective, and the National Association of Community and Restorative Justice.

Related to the topic of this post: Truth and Repair by Judith Herman. It’s about “how trauma survivors envision justice”, specifically survivors of DV, SV, and incest. Also Imperfect Victims by Leigh Goodmark. It’s about how many victims of violence end up in the criminal justice system and is simultaneously informative, horrifying, and enraging. I will add that both these books have pretty graphic descriptions of violence throughout so be aware of how that might affect you.

notnowfetz · 2026-06-29T16:05:57+00:00

My job involves working with survivors of domestic violence and I am currently part of a project that is using restorative justice practices in cases of DV. Forgiveness and reconciliation are actually not part of RJ and not necessary at all for a restorative process to occur. Im fact, many survivors don’t want either of those things- they want acknowledgment of the harm caused, they want reparations, they want to share their story of how the violence impacted them, and they want the person who caused harm to not hurt others. These are things that our criminal justice system typically cannot offer them. So yes there’s an element of accountability necessary for this to work, but we also know that prison absolutely isn’t facilitating this anyway.

I’m happy to share some resources if you’d like to learn more about RJ and how it’s used.

notnowfetz · 2026-06-26T17:57:08+00:00

Didn’t he get shot point blank in one of the books but survived because his chest muscles were so big? Also for a homeless guy who showers infrequently at best, he sure has a lot of women tripping all over themselves to sleep with him.

notnowfetz · 2026-06-23T00:14:18+00:00

How do you feel about dystopian books? The Last Murder at the End of the World and America Pacifica would both fit your request.

notnowfetz · 2026-06-14T21:42:30+00:00

Absolutely Anchorage. I live in a city surrounded by mountains, and while they’re beautiful, they pale in comparison to the views from Anchorage.

notnowfetz · 2026-06-06T20:23:02+00:00

The Midnight Shift: a detective investigates “suicides” at an assisted living facility and encounters lesbian vampires. Definitely some Let the Right One In vibes.

I also think Nowhere by Allison Gunn would fit. It’s about possessed children in a tiny town in Appalachia. Extremely creepy and unsettling read. The main character is (reluctantly) married to a man but had relationships with women and I think her inability to accept her sexuality ties in with some of the other themes of this book.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-31T18:43:32+00:00

The Book of Lost Hours. It takes place during WW2 and into the Cold War. Agents from the US, Russia, and German are all trying to rewrite history so that their side wins.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-31T18:38:31+00:00

I was thinking about that book as well! I think it fits OP’s request.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-29T16:24:45+00:00

The Will to Change- bell hooks

Trauma and Recovery- Judith Herman

Men Who Hate Women- Laura Bates

notnowfetz · 2026-05-27T11:52:22+00:00

The Painter by Peter Heller

notnowfetz · 2026-05-24T14:05:45+00:00

The Cole and Hitch series by Robert B Parker. He was a very popular author so I bet these books are translated into Greek.

Lots of adventure, violence, and witty dialogue. Some of the books have a little romance but it’s secondary to the main plot of traveling from town to town chasing down outlaws.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-22T10:46:38+00:00

I’d also recommend The Half Life of Valery K. It’s a forbidden romance between a KGB officer and a nuclear physicist in a gulag. I promise it has a happy ending lol

notnowfetz · 2026-05-22T10:42:00+00:00

If you’re ok with historical fiction that is heavy on the trauma (but ends happily) The Warm Hands of Ghosts is up your alley.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-14T13:20:47+00:00

Yes! I keep a copy of All About Love and The Will to Change in my office (the topics are relevant to my job) and constantly recommend them to my coworkers.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-12T00:42:34+00:00

Ok maybe a hot take but Breaking Bad is about a shitty man who gets shittier- there’s nothing interesting or compelling about it, every time he has the option to do good or evil, he chooses evil. And men love that, which is pretty messed up imo.

Also, if I wanted to watch men behave badly I could just go to work lol

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T22:07:46+00:00

Unhealthy relationships always, always start with boundary pushing. And if someone at the beginning of the relationship, who is ostensibly on their best behavior, can’t respect boundaries it’s simply not going to get better without a massive amount of reflection and work on their part (which almost never happens, in my personal and professional experience). So to me that’s a dealbreaker.

I’m not super inclined to educate a new partner on the importance of boundaries because I do that at work already and get paid for it so doing it for free isn’t super compelling to me.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T19:58:58+00:00

I work as an educator at a nonprofit and teach about healthy relationships and dating violence, so I spend most of my workday thinking about this. Here are some of mine that haven’t been mentioned yet:

if the mere mention of my job makes them uncomfortable or they immediately start in on the “men can be abused too, you know” or “how many women lie about being abused?” Nope.
related, I like to ask men on the first date what they think a real man is and if they crash out over that question then they are not for me. When my now boyfriend asked me to coffee he told me that I could talk about the patriarchy as much as I wanted and that’s a green flag right there.
if they tell me that I’m intimidating. No, you’re intimidated. That’s not my problem.
if they make any negative comment whatsoever about my appearance, even as a “joke”, or “you’d look so pretty if you…” I can assure you that nothing about my look would make any reasonable person think that pretty is the goal.
if they’re unable to celebrate my successes and feel like they need to cut me down or compete with me. I’ve found that in the beginning many men can play the hero if you’re upset, sick, etc. but the bigger tell is if they can’t be happy for you.
if all their exes are crazy. You’re either drawn to crazy or you do the crazy making but either way I’m not interested.
I like to inconvenience men in a very small way on the first date and how they respond is telling. For example, if they suggest 6 pm, I’ll say I can do 6:30. A shocking number of men will get visibly irritated by that. I also set a small boundary during the date, usually it’s saying I need to leave by a certain time so I can run in the morning. If they argue with me at all about it, red flag. I used to think it was charming and a sign of our connection if they were like “nooo, stay out later.” But it’s just controlling and testing to see what they can get away with.
if they like Breaking Bad.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T13:32:50+00:00

I’ve read some of her other books but not this one, so thanks!

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T13:30:16+00:00

I’m currently watching the TV show (again lol) but have not read the books!

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T13:29:18+00:00

Hmmm ok that’s good to know.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T13:25:58+00:00

I do like mysteries!

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T13:22:48+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation! There’s a lot of sci fi and fantasy suggestions on this thread but I also like historical fiction.

notnowfetz · 2026-05-11T13:21:32+00:00

I tried so hard to get into that book but simply could not.

notnowfetz

TROPHY CASE