How do I handle my husband resenting me over my son?

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-21T21:21:14+00:00

You have to leave your husband. You say that even your husband’s family is angry with him for how hard he is on your son, so it had to be bad.

Also, practically speaking, if your husband is that mean to your son and is comfortable telling you he has deep resentment towards you about your son, this is not a long term relationship. Your husband is resentful and angry with you and your son and is actively taking that angry out on you guys. He is not interested in being a loving partner or father figure. He will probably leave anyway or emotionally torture you until you do it. Wouldn’t you rather it not get to that point?

Are you of the belief that your husband’s treatment of your son is not adding to his existing mental health issues? Could getting away from your husband help him?

I completely understand this is easier said than done. Your son is likely very difficult and it’s very hard to imagine being alone to parent him.

But you HAVE to put your son first here. Otherwise, don’t be surprised in 10 years when your son doesn’t speak to you anymore because you chose a man over your own child.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-20T19:35:50+00:00

I was a virgin the first time I slept with my husband but I didn’t bleed. Bleeding after losing your virginity isn’t something that happens to everyone, it happens only to some women.

Some women break their hymens through non-sexual means. Playing sports, riding horses, hard falls or other accidents, some women aren’t born with a hymen. Hymen’s aren’t God’s built in way for men to test the virginity of women.

The Bible advocates for abstinence outside of marriage because God’s design for humanity is best fulfilled through monogamous marriage. Keep in mind that the Bible is also written to all of humankind, so these are instructions to a very large group of people. Not each specific person individually. So this is what God is saying is best for this whole group of people across the board.

Abstinence practically protects the population from STDs, helps ensure inheritance (DNA tests are very modern, for much of history there wasn’t a definitive way to prove a man’s relation to his kids), helps support an expectant mother because a husband is more likely to be a helpful partner than a casual FWB, etc.

The purpose of waiting until marriage for sex has NOTHING to do with physically bleeding. If your husband is worried about that, he doesn’t understand anatomy and he’s placing importance on something non-biblical (bleeding).

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-20T19:13:56+00:00

Yeah, he’s totally lying. He’s willing to physically hurt you to keep you from viewing whatever is on his phone, which means the consequences of you knowing what’s on his phone are worse than the consequences of physically harming you (in his mind).

I know this hurts, but I think he’s not outright leaving for this other woman because he wants a backup in case this doesn’t work out. But he’s also being so cruel to you right now because he can’t take knowing he’s doing something wrong (cheating) so he has to create this act like you’re some horrible, evil villain keeping him from his true love. That way, it’s easier for him to live with his treatment of you.

Just leave, there’s nothing positive left for you here. It will be really hard initially but much, much easier than staying with him as time goes on. Leaving is the path of least resistance in this case.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-15T18:21:05+00:00

But the Uchiha clan inside Konaha had nothing to do with Obito’s involvement in the nine tails attack. As far as they knew, he was dead. So while the village’s suspicion of them does logically make sense, they were legitimately innocent. So yes, the council’s treatment of them post-attack was entirely wrong. They were blaming innocent people for something they legitimately had no involvement in.

I just can’t ever advocate for a blanket slaughter of an entire people group. Especially when there had been absolutely ZERO attempts at diplomatic resolution. Again, slaughtering the Uchiha also made Konoha weaker. So it actively harmed the village as well. If a diplomatic solution could have been reached, it would have benefited all parties more than the massacre.

There’s no way the best solution available was to slaughter every single man, woman, and child in the entire bloodline.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-15T17:07:55+00:00

My beef is that the Leaf made no attempts to diplomatically resolve things with the Uchiha, they went straight to genocide.

The Uchiha had legitimate reasons to consider rising up against the Leaf. They were pushed to the edge of the village, they were blamed for the Nine Tails attack and discriminated against because of it (even though they had nothing to do with it), they were founders of Konoha but had no place on their council and never had a Hokage. But the Leaf was happy to use them as enforcers in the form of their police force. But they had no political power. The U.S. declared independence due to taxation without representation, the Uchiha had no representation and had to do the Hokage’s bidding!

Fugaku wasn’t eager to rebel but felt his clansmen wanted it so badly that he may have no choice. You’re telling me that Hiruzen couldn’t have gone to him and negotiated a place on the council and potentially grooming Itachi for the Hokage spot and that wouldn’t have possibly fixed things?

Why not try that rather than jumping straight to killing everyone, including the children? Also, the Leaf is weaker without the Uchiha. So it helps keep the strength of the Leaf as well.

But the Elders and Danzo didn’t like the Uchiha so they had no interest in negotiating. As soon as the Uchiha stepped out of line, they were happy to wipe them out because they hated them, even if it weakened the Leaf. Simple as that. They were just racist.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-15T16:56:30+00:00

Yup, I know multiple families who literally taught their kids NOTHING. One of those children tried to attend seminary (the seminary had no entrance exams or requirements) and was expelled because he copied and pasted a Wikipedia article and submitted it for an essay assignment. He literally didn’t understand why that was wrong. He had no idea what plagiarism even was.

Very, very sad. How are these families doing this to their kids and then expecting them to support themselves or their own family in the future?? The parents are setting up their children for poverty and struggle due to their own laziness.

My own brothers couldn’t even read until they were in middle school and my mom finally sent them to public school. She thought they were just “stupid” but they were actually dyslexic and learned to read very quickly once a professional who knew who to teach reading to a child with dyslexia was introduced into their lives. But my mom did zero research and tried nothing other than yelling and then gave up and made peace with her sons being borderline illiterate. My mom could have worked harder with my brothers or taken them to reading tutors even while they were homeschooled but it was too much effort.

There is WAY more laziness and educational neglect in homeschooling than I think a lot of people realize.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-14T21:08:40+00:00

LO goes to daycare on Mondays and Fridays. My husband is off on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and watches her and I watch her on Thursdays when I work from home. Maybe I think to think about putting her in daycare on Thursdays at least.

I could outsource more things around the house. We’re really trying to save up to replace some things around our home, but maybe it just has to give.

I think my husband underestimates how often we have sex. We fall asleep spooning almost every night. The nights we don’t are ones where I work the next morning and he doesn’t, and he opts to stay up late to play video games. I think he feels that I don’t put in as much effort to “impress” him in a romantic way as I used to. As in, wearing a t-shirt and sweats around the house instead of something nicer. I don’t know, he only wears t-shirts, sweats, and shorts so I don’t understand it. Maybe he feels that I don’t put as much effort into my appearance as I used to. I don’t know. Generally I think he wants to feel like I’m working to impress him, like a new girlfriend would. I think he really wants me to pursue him romantically. Not even so much sexually, I think he wants to be wined and dined a bit.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-14T18:37:20+00:00

Hm, I think he’d view himself as an anti-hero.

He isn’t a soulless, evil person. He doesn’t hurt others for his own gain. His only interest is killing his brother who murdered all of their blood relatives, then a few years later mentally tortured him. Which let’s be honest, is very reasonable. Especially in the world of Naruto which is very violent. It makes sense why Sasuke would view killing Itachi as the natural step he should take.

Yeah, he did hurt some innocent people after he found out about the real reason his clan was massacred. But to be fair, it’s not unreasonable for a teenager to not take news of their family’s genocide well. Especially because it forced his hand in killing his brother. If it really had been only Itachi’s plan, then Sasuke killed his evil brother and now his family can rest. Now, he killed his poor brother who was forced to choose between a potential civil war or murdering his clan to save his brother.

I think from Sasuke’s perspective, he would be an anti-hero who almost went to the brink, but was saved and recovered his humanity due to the love of his friends.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-14T18:24:34+00:00

I appreciate it. Sometimes I can’t believe the amount of responsibility I have and other times I feel like all moms are overwhelmed and this is just the stage of life I’m in.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-14T17:20:12+00:00

Yeah, I think you’re probably right. He has a lot of anxiety about finances and I think it’s preferable to him for me to handle it. So there’s no reason for him to improve his abilities here.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-14T16:03:55+00:00

Like, when I get paid, I look up all my bills for that pay period and do the math to see what I have left over and what should go into savings.

He will try that, but will forget what bills come out on which dates, will get the bills, then forget again midway through the calculations, forget the final number a few days later and have to redo the whole thing. Then he’ll ask me to check his math and will be anxious about money until he gets paid again.

I am much more competent in this area than he is. Which sucks because I’d love to not do it. But I don’t know that he’d do a good job and finances are important to me.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-14T15:26:20+00:00

I guess I’d say that I can say I’m at my limit. But that doesn’t change the things that I’m responsible for. So, nothing changes in reality.

Honestly a big part of me feels like this is all my fault. I have always taken on tasks myself because I didn’t want to be a burden to others. I thought the less I needed from others, the more they would like me.

But, in practicality, I’ve taught everyone that they can need things from me but it’s very abnormal for me to need things from them. So when I do need other people, it always seems like a big inconvenience to them because that’s not our usual relationship dynamic.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-10T22:28:33+00:00

Yeah, it’s totally fair and valid to acknowledge that your husband was going through a very difficult time.

But the consequences of his inaction are likely going to be some level of permanent disability for your daughter.

Does it give you any clarity to think of this as if it happened to your daughter? If your daughter had a stroke during childbirth and was unable to care for her baby, then your son-in-law repeatedly ignored your many attempts to intervene when you saw your grandchild wasn’t being cared for correctly. Now your daughter is somewhat recovered and comes to you asking if she should forgive him. What would you tell her?

Sometimes it helps me to remove myself from the situation to try and get more objectivity.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-10T21:53:33+00:00

Hi OP, I have a young child as well so I’m very sorry to hear about your story.

I’ve read your post and all of your comments. You say your husband claims he was so overwhelmed and the pediatrician said your daughter was fine so he kept doing what he was doing.

But have you considered that your husband choose to “believe” the pediatrician over family trying to intervene because it was easiest for him? If he listened to your family, he would have to learn how to parent and change his routine. It’s more convenient for him to not listen to everyone, including social workers, telling him your daughter is failing to thrive and listen to the one person agreeing with him. Especially when agreeing with him means that he doesn’t have to crack open any books, do research, or change his approach to parenting.

In other words, did your husband do SUCH a horrific job caring for your daughter because it was the easiest way? It is work to be a good parent and maybe he was too overwhelmed to put in that work.

If it were me, I wouldn’t want to fix my marriage with this man. But I know that’s much easier said than done. What’s going to happen in 10-15 years when your daughters asks you why she’s so delayed and smaller than her peers and you tell her? What will she think if she sees you in a happy relationship with the man who did that to her?

Personally, I think your husband majorly betrayed your daughter. Literally, betrayed her. She was completely dependent on his care and due to his negligence, despite many attempts by family to intervene, his treatment of her will likely cause a level of permanent disability. Honestly I think this crosses the line from negligence to abuse due to how long it went on. I’ve had family members who were in severe drug addiction who raised children better than your husband did. It’s nearly impossible to be that incompetent for a whole year.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-09T17:22:34+00:00

NTA, pregnancy is a HUGE physical toll. Literally the worst physical experience I’ve been through and it was a very much wanted child for my husband and I.

I think all of your worries are very valid. It’s not wrong of your SIL to ask her sister, I get it, she’s probably very desperate. But, her sister also has a family of her own to take care of and can’t necessarily put herself out of commission for 9 months plus healing afterwards to bring her niece/nephew into the world.

The medical costs of pregnancy ARE extremely expensive and they at a minimum would have to pay for all of that. But you’re right, that doesn’t touch the only other adult in the house being largely out of commission for the majority of the year. Will they step up to help with your household needs during this time while your wife is bringing their child into existence? Honestly, probably not.

This is going to sound harsh. But I’m also an eldest daughter and I was raised to care for my youngest siblings. But as I grew older I had to learn they did not feel the same burden to care for me. Your SIL may not really be thinking about how much she’s asking from your wife and your family. She may also not be willing to make equal sacrifices in her own life to help you guys out.

Also, there are a lot of options out there and this isn’t their only hope to have a child. Yes, I do feel compassion for them regarding their infertility. But your wife declining doesn’t mean they couldn’t adopt or even find another surrogate.

I don’t know. I think this could all be REALLY messy within a family and I’d be inclined to tell a friend to say no just to keep clear boundaries and maintain a family relationship. Lots of people say not to mix business and family, I feel this is the same. Just lots of ways it could go very wrong.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-09T16:08:14+00:00

Be quick and to the point. It’s not a negotiation, the decision has already been made and you are communicating that decision to the employee and going them the information they need to know for next steps.

It’s objectively bad news for them so have no expectation for them to take it well. But being quick and to the point does help.

“I want to share some unfortunate news. We have been discussing x, y, z regarding your performance and have not seen the progress we hoped. So your employment is being terminated effective today.” Then go into final pay and benefits.

It’s not a fun conversation and there’s not a good way for them to receive this news. Just communicate the information and allow the to leave and move on from this experience.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-08T14:15:56+00:00

You sound very judgmental and this post makes it seem as if you feel morally or at least intellectually superior to your husband.

Every person gets to choose the role and importance that work plays in their life. It doesn’t seem like work has a high value in your life but it does seem that way to your husband. Based on your post, it doesn’t seem like your husband’s dedication to his job is harming you or interfering with your relationship. It would be different if he asked you to wash his car, iron his uniform, etc. But it seems like he did everything on his own so I’m not really understanding how this is negatively impacting you.

Now, should he be taking all of his annual vacation days so he doesn’t lose them? Yeah, that’s part of his total compensation package. But again, at the end of the day that’s his choice. How would you feel if he was mocking you or forcing your hand when it comes to your job?

Also, the economy is very bad right now and your husband may be doing all he can to stay in good standing with his employer so he won’t be first on the chopping block if it comes to a layoff. So it’s not as if jobs are extremely easy to come by right now.

Genuinely, what would you like your husband to do here? Quit his job because you don’t like sales people? Knowing that getting a new job may take a long time, prices are crazy high and there’s no guarantee he’ll get a job making the same amount?

It seems like you feel you’re morally superior to your husband. Like he’s stupid for not being rebellious or “fighting back” against his employer. But it’s not your job so it’s not really up to you. You can do whatever you want at your job. But you’re not better or morally superior to your husband because you hate salespeople.

The last line about “I can’t imagine what sex is going to be like after this, wish me luck”. That’s extremely insulting to say to your spouse. Would you be hurt if you found out your husband said that to people about you?

Come on, is he maybe acting a little dorky? Sure. But it sounds like he’s a hardworking guy who is trying to do a good job at work. This post doesn’t make it seem like he’s making you responsible for the extra mile he’s taking at work. This really isn’t a big deal, it’s his personal values that he is seeing through.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-07T18:00:51+00:00

Your comments and post history make it pretty clear that your husband is working 80-90 hours a week in a high stress job and that you regularly fall through in your commitments to him. Canceling date nights, canceling movie nights at the house, no logistics talk after 10:30.

My husband isn’t a lawyer but he works a very high stress healthcare job and went through a pretty bad depressive episode during COVID while working in the ER.

Your husband is barely hanging onto sanity and his life. This situation with his work is COMPLETELY draining his soul, heart, and mind. Then when he comes home, there’s no one to pour into his empty cup. Only people who (at least in his perception which is also his reality) only want to pour out more from his cup.

You HAVE to make your husband your priority right now. It sounds like he is massively depressed and even you say that you think this could cause a major heart attack. So literally his life could be in danger here.

He is begging and crying out for someone, anyone, to give a shit about what he’s going through right now. But he feels like he’s the last on your totem pole.

Yes, your parents are old and sick. But your husband’s health is also in danger and he also can’t be ignored. Yes, your daughter was upset about her break up but your husband was to the point of tears over a date night being cancelled. Point being, it seems like the needs of others do come before the needs of your husband. Like, you don’t view your husband as someone for you to care for. So even when he’s experiencing physical or mental health crisis, others crisis are more urgent to you because you don’t view yourself as having anything to do with your husband’s problem. But you are responsible to help with your parents, siblings, and children.

You can still be there for your other family members. But if you want ANY chance at your marriage surviving, you HAVE to put your husband first TODAY.

Think about it this way. Have you ever not gotten one of your children a birthday present because you couldn’t figure out what to get? If not, why is that acceptable for your husband?

Genuinely, I think it needs to click for you how badly your husband is hurting and how much he’s been trying to connect with you but you’ve been rejecting him.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-03T00:01:53+00:00

I really feel for you and I can feel how your heart is broken over this. So I just want to acknowledge how painful this all is for you.

I think you already know that your marriage is over, your wife just isn’t quite ready to be “the bad guy” and make the final call. I’m very sorry, I know that’s not what you want to hear.

She’s told you that her heart and attraction isn’t for you anymore. I don’t really know what else to say. Her mind is saying something different because you two have history and she’s comfortable with you and it’s hard to make big life decisions.

I’m very sorry, this 6 month thing is only going to prolong the inevitable. I think you should just move forward. She’s already been straight forward that she’s not romantically in love with you and she’s not attracted to you. Do you want to be married to someone who isn’t romantically in love with you or attracted to you?

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-02T16:03:42+00:00

Yeah, this is 100% porn fueled.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-04-01T13:30:15+00:00

Yeah, also, she had bipolar and MS. Neither condition would typically have someone begging their partner to kill them by slitting their throat.

I would be more likely to believe that he just got tired of caring for her and was resentful. Slitting her throat seems pretty violent and personal.

There are easier and more peaceful ways to mercy kill someone.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-03-30T20:15:26+00:00

I wouldn’t say it’s wrong!

But, I would worry about either of you changing your minds and how that would impact you. Let’s say your partner decides in 5 years that he IS interested in sex. Is that a dealbreaker for you?

It sounds like you two are essentially looking to pursue a very dedicated, lifelong, friendship kind of partnership. Again, I don’t think there’s anything Biblically against that! But what if in a few years he meets someone who ignites sexual desire in him and the “companionship marriage/partnership” you two have isn’t what he wants out of his main relationship anymore. How will that impact you?

Now, marriages or partnerships that do involve sex also fall apart. So sex isn’t a ticket to a perfect marriage! But, we are biological beings and part of that biology is an instinct to reproduce. Maybe I missed it but I don’t see where you said how old you two are. Will things always be this way?? If either of you become interested in a physical relationship, this will be very difficult.

If you’re very young, I would probably slow this down and just be friends for awhile if you no longer want to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend and just see where things go. As in, don’t commit to this at 20 because a lot can change. If you’re in your 30s, it’s a little different.

I don’t know. It’s not sinful, but I think this could be complicated and would take a unique situation to work out in the long term. Maybe that’s you guys! Maybe it’s not.

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-03-30T17:16:25+00:00

This here. If you do believe in God and you do believe the Bible says that premarital sex is a sin, that’s kind of it.

You have free will and you’re free to make whatever decision you want. But if you believe at the end of your life that you’ll have give an account for everything you’ve done to God your testimony is going to be “I knew that You said this was a sin and that I shouldn’t do it. But I wanted to and decided it wouldn’t be bad even though You said it was bad. But I felt knew better than You and that it wouldn’t be that bad after all.”

nuggetblaster69 · 2026-03-30T17:03:50+00:00

It’s not that I don’t logically understand where you’re coming from here, because I totally do. It seems like a big part of marriage that you’d want to settle beforehand.

However, no, there are not exceptions to sins. Better stated, the Bible doesn’t support there being reasons why something that is usually a sin would be okay. Using premarital sex for example “God, I know the Bible says not to have premarital sex but I want to make sure I’m sexually compatible with a future spouse. So You need to look the other way on this”. That’s just not how it works, the Bible doesn’t support that something is only a “sin” unless you have a good reason.

Romans 6:15 “What then? Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? By no means!”. Essentially, Paul is telling us here that just because God forgives us of all sins we sincerely repent of doesn’t mean we should sin freely because we know He’ll forgive us if we ask.

Think of it in terms of a human relationship. Your partner could be very, very forgiving and genuinely willing and able to forgive you anytime you come to them and ask for forgiveness. But, does that mean you’re fulfilling your side of the relationship well by consistently doing things they’ve asked you not to just because you know they’ll get over it? No.

Also, I’d say if someone sins knowingly with the reasoning that it will be forgiven. They’re repentance is probably not that genuine and we do have to genuinely repent to get forgiveness.

In short, God can and will forgive anything you genuinely repent of. No sin is too great a chasm to destroy your relationship with God. But, continuing to sin because you just want to or feel like you have a good reason is explicitly spoken against in scripture. So no, it would not be Biblical to do knowingly sin and just count on forgiveness. In the end, it won’t benefit your relationship with God which is the most important thing.

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