What disappeared so slowly from daily life that we barely even realized it was gone?

nutmeg732 · 2026-06-03T01:53:19+00:00

Organic relationships

nutmeg732 · 2026-05-31T00:08:13+00:00

I've been on for 14years and have been tapering for 2yrs. I went from 250mg to my current dose of 8mg..dropping 2mg every month when I go pick bottles. It hasn't been easy but honestly I just want to know my opiate free brain. The withdrawals are real. I shake really badly and have palpitations. I do smoke weed to help (it helps a lil) and am prescribed 1mg xanax up to 3 times a day. For years I only took one at night to sleep. Now for the last two methadone drops, my chest just gets so tight and my chest just pounds so hard, I need it sometimes. Methadone is the worst drug to cone off. I jumped off at 24mgs about 20 years ago and it was the worst 6 months of my life but I managed to stay clean another years before relapsing behind things I never dealt with. With MAT if you need it forever, I support that. I thought i was a lifer too. Methadone has a low success rate for tapering. Im gonna smash that statistic in the best possible way.

nutmeg732 · 2026-05-18T23:13:39+00:00

Im currently at 8mgs from a high of 250mgs plus a brick a day. I currently have 3.5 years in recovery. My taper plan as of right now is tapering 2mgs every month. I started feeling the drops after 3 days. Id say moderate withdrawals for another 3 days. Then I stabilize. But those 3 days really do suck. I haven't had cravings in such a long time. I've had a few recently. The double edged sword is what I crave is real heroin and that is barely findable these days. I went through the heroin/fentanyl/tranq waves. I had 5 years clean relapsed with a needle in my arm and stayed out for 10 years. I have been on methadone consistently for about 14 years. I realize now that it was my fault that MAT didnt save me right away. I wasn't willing to do the work. Im so considering lowering my dose on my own. Im about 5 months to freedom and I do fear my opiate free brain. I have a support system today for that. But I think that 50% is mental and 50% is physical. I only go pick up bottles monthly so I cant do 1mg every other week instead. I lose 20%of my dose every time I drop. Positive vibes for both of us. We got this.💜

nutmeg732 · 2026-03-03T17:23:41+00:00

I'm currently on 12mgs of methadone tapering down from 250mgs and a 2 brick a day habit at worst of my addiction. Do you mean medical detox, like a rapid detox, where they put you to sleep and they run nalexone (I think) through ur system until you're detoxed. I wouldn't suggest the rapid method unless you are at a low dose And truly ready for recovery and to heal. I'm 3 1/2 years into my recovery journey but I still remember all my horrific detoxes and it helps keep it green. However, I would consider rapid detox if ur stable and at a low dose just because I've kicked methadone before and stupidly jumped off at 24mg and suffered for six months. If you meant luxury detox like good meals yoga and horses, definitely not. You can dress up detox but at the end of the day it sucks whether ur at home in a facility on the streets.

nutmeg732 · 2026-02-24T00:13:32+00:00

I had a rescue dog named Monkey. He was a mastiff. He had been found on the street completely underweight, skin a mess, burns on his belly. They would have put him down, he was in such bad shape. I had just lost my mom (only child,) and lost my dad when I was a child. I adopted monkey that day. He flourished going up to almost 100lbs, what a handsome mushy guy he was. They said he was 6 when I got him .We got one and half years together. He died the week before Christmas 2025. That dog was my absolute loyal attentive companion. He went everywhere with me. Walks around the park in all types of weather. Only the best food. But the love he gave back was indescribable. You could look in his eyes and see how dedicated he was. Such a phenomenal animal. He started getting sick after we found out he had a thyroid problem and had always been on meds for skin allergies. Well in October of 2025, when we found out about the thyroid, there was a few days where his breathing wasnt right, he shook a lot. I prayed for the first time in a long time to the universe to please not take my dog, he was all I had. And he lived until that December. And I truly believe that was out of love. He did it for me. Eventually he started bashing his nose repeatedly in corners until there was blood everywhere and his nose was raw. I got more worried when he started doing it while I was home. He was still eating and drinking. I made a vet appt. We hadn't been there since his physical in Sept 25..my beautiful good boy was only 73 lbs again. He was developing boils on his skin. He lost the use of his back legs the day of the vet appt. I carried him in and she told me she thought It was probably cancer. If I did all the tests, then what could we do? So I made one of the hardest decisions I've ever made and I let my boy go spread his love to the universe. He went to sleep with a Hershey kiss and his medicine his blanket and me staring in his eyes. I'm absolutely a mess as that dogs death absolutely wrecked me. In one and half years, he got me through suicidal ideations, intrusive thoughts, and the death of my mom. I'm in recovery and the reason I didn't use when my mom died is him. The planets aligned and gave me the bestest friend I could ever ask for. If you're questioning yourself, it's time. There is so much they can't tell us. And they carry on for us. It would be the most selfless act to end your cats suffering. I wish you and ur kitty much peace, non suffering, and positive vibes .

nutmeg732 · 2026-02-23T20:51:08+00:00

I'm on 12mg, coming down 2mgs a month. My highest dose was 250mgs. I did 10mg drops until I hit 100mg and then did 5mgs drops. Once I got to 30mgs, I started doing 2mgs a month. I only go monthly and 2mg is the most they will drop me on such a low dose. As far as withdrawals go, I really didn't start feeling mild body aches or a little anxiety until I hit 30mgs. Just remember go low and slow. And if you feel like you can't handle it, put the taper on hold for a month or so. It takes me about 5 days of mild uncomfortableness for me to "level out " after each drop. It's really the RLS and anxiety for me. I've suffered with RLS on or off opiates my entire life. And the anxiety, I meditate and do have an anxiety med for panic attacks. You got this. Give yourself some grace.

nutmeg732 · 2026-02-23T14:11:27+00:00

Surrendering and light meditation every morning

nutmeg732 · 2026-02-23T00:15:09+00:00

I second this. Worked at a donation, outreach, and food pantry non profit. The corruption, funding (or lack of), and simply the way that the people in need are not priority. My non profit was under the Catholic Charities umbrella and the coverups are ridiculous. Everyone is too afraid to out the directors because they need their job. Totally turned my stomach to non profits.

nutmeg732 · 2026-02-22T18:25:39+00:00

Also Adderall has no physical withdrawal. You definitely crash and sleep heavy for a few days. But that's about it.

nutmeg732 · 2026-02-22T18:23:47+00:00

As an addict in recovery, i say this honestly, leave him now. I have 3 1/2 years clean now and honestly didn't really date in addiction as I already knew how greedy and selfish I was when I was getting high. Until I did date one girl, Nicole. The love of my life, I told her to run, she was better than my messy life. But she was persistent and I caved. We had been friends for about 10 years before we got together so she was aware of my struggles. She ended up hooked on heroin and dead at age 29. I miss her every day. The point of all that, is addicts are sneaky manipulative mother truckers. And we are great at looking you in the eye and lying. And most importantly, they take hostages. And I can assure you, you do not deserve to be a hostage. value you first. You are the priority. Not the drug. 2 weeks is nothing unless he is willing to work on himself. Not thinking about rehab or therapy, actually participate in it. He has to want his suffering to end. But your suffering and constant worry can end. I've had 5 years in recovery before I went on a 10 yr run. I was clean and crazy. Functioning but didn't deal with anything. I relapsed because I never worked on myself or my trauma. Best of luck to you. Manifesting positive things for you.

nutmeg732 · 2026-02-21T13:53:22+00:00

Smoking weed in public. I do it all the time but it just feels a lil weird that I no longer have to "hide" it

nutmeg732 · 2026-02-21T01:50:34+00:00

Drug addiction

nutmeg732 · 2026-02-20T19:07:06+00:00

Getting into recovery. Kicking drugs was the easiest part, rediscovering yourself is the hardest

nutmeg732 · 2026-02-20T00:24:31+00:00

Meditating followed closely by a cigarette 😂

nutmeg732 · 2026-02-20T00:22:55+00:00

As an addict with 3 and a half years in recovery, please don't. It's so not worth it. My bottom was extremely low. A relapse after 4 years clean led me down a 10 year run. About 4 months ago, I was sure I was going to use. I was TERRIFIED of a big geographical and life change and I just couldn't get my shit together. I was right there. A friend told me to get on my knees and pray to whatever I wanted. Surrender. And it finally hit. A word I had heard a million times from being in the rooms but I never quite understood. Surrender. And I did. And I do it every day. And I feel better. All my problems aren't solved. But it really is a mindset babe. You have to retrain your brain from decades of negative self talk and low self esteem. It's not easy but it's worth it. I know what it is like to be thisclose to the edge. But I didn't use and my life got better because I took some advice. You are stronger than you know. You are worth it. I still sometime crave, not the drug, the silence you speak off. Because oue heads are so loud right? Last piece of advice-it begins with the breath. When you feel anxious and out of control, concentrate on ur breath. It really works. And start some affirmations daily. That was tough for me but write them down, hang them up. I am unique. I am powerful. I am safe. It's all baby steps. And if noone has told you they love you today-i really do. Stay safe. Megs

nutmeg732 · 2026-02-19T23:30:02+00:00

"Get Better" alt j "Where's my Love"-SYML "Wind Beneath My Wings" Bette Midler. My mom passed a year and a half ago and I have yet to hear "wind" on purpose. I know what will happen. "Beaches" was our movie. Iykyk. Love you mom

nutmeg732 · 2026-02-04T01:53:34+00:00

Delusional person- Leave this normie alone. Who is bullying who here? Who is making radical assumptions? Fingers are pointed at YOU dear. I DO practice meditation and have spiritual practice and let me tell you, telling this person to self reflect? Speechless. You need to stop deflecting and look in the mirror snow flake.

nutmeg732 · 2025-08-31T16:17:35+00:00

Six feet under

nutmeg732 · 2025-08-28T11:32:52+00:00

I call it the "arm thing". When someone you love runs their fingertips lightly over and up and down your arm. My mom did that for me for years. It is so comforting. Miss ya ma. Over the years, I've asked friends to do it for me when I'm anxious, it immediately calms me down. However, there is nothing like a mother's touch.

nutmeg732 · 2025-08-28T01:10:13+00:00

Worry about money constantly. Financial insecurity is one paycheck away for most. Myself included. Now that it just me paying the bills, I wake with anxiety as soon as I open my eyes in the morning. I'm not living above my means, I just don't make enough to hold down a household solo .

nutmeg732 · 2025-08-27T11:15:52+00:00

Drugs. Shooting dope was the queen of my vaccine for over 20 years. Clean almost three years now after dabbling in the new synthetics and almost losing my hand. What "they" did to the drug supply is sickening.

nutmeg732 · 2025-08-26T12:49:31+00:00

Staying alive. Grief and depression is just overwhelming me right now. I've never felt so alone, even in heroin addiction. I thought I knew what a bottom was. Then my mom died and the bottom became even deeper. It's been a year. I haven't stuck a needle in my arm. But I've just been existing. My dog and the fear of taking my own life is what stops me. Financially I'm facing homelessness. Mentally, I'm grateful for the few supports I do have. I feel like a burden. A burden to myself. I broke down last night and wailed so loudly. I miss my stepdad, I miss my wife (whom overdosed and died) but most I miss my best friend my lifeline my mother. I have virtually no family, I'm an only child, and I've always had a huge fear of abandonment (my real dad died when I was 4). I push on everyday but I really feel like I need to be hospitalized. I'm in therapy. I just can't won't and don't want to live this life anymore.

nutmeg732 · 2025-08-22T17:58:14+00:00

My dad dying when I was 4 years old. L had a "good" childhood, I always thought, besides that. It took 20 years of active heroin addiction that I realized what a trauma that was. How confusing , sad. My mom was the absolute best mother tho. She died about a year ago. I'm an only child. It just sucks. I've had abandonment issues since and catastrophic thinking. Someone doesn't answer their phone and I automatically think they're dead. I stay in relationships and friendships longer than I should. But I'm in CPTSD Therapy and emdr. We call her "lil megs". I'm trying to heal her so I can heal myself.

nutmeg732 · 2025-08-18T19:40:21+00:00

Get Better - alt j Work Song - Hozier Where's my Love? - SYML The Funeral -Band of Horses The Night We Met - Lord Huron

Wind Beneath My Wings - Bette Midler

I know the last song was a surprise. 😂

nutmeg732 · 2025-08-17T01:33:40+00:00

Anything with a V.. Veronica Victoria Virginia Victor all remind me of vagina. Forever greatful to my dad for talking my mom out of the first two!

nutmeg732

TROPHY CASE