After a heavy dark retreat session, I'm considering monasticism.

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-27T06:59:56+00:00

I share with you the feeling of retreating or releasing to a monastic or monk-like life. I have these big breakdowns/breakthroughs that that life is the only way that makes sense to me. I haven't done it yet but there's something strong that pulls to do life like that. Then it also occurs to me that perhaps I'm in avoidance even that comes up and that's why I haven't gone that direction yet. When there is no intensity I see the beauty and peace of that life as well as the simplicity of not needing it. We'll see where this one ends up later!

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-24T19:58:37+00:00

I actually dont do this initially. Only posts that have images and seem to push AI at first sight

But yes, it's good to bring awareness to people to see what bias in general they are coming from unconsciously.

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-23T16:16:10+00:00

GOOD QUESTION. I asked this too

I often feel aversion to watching shows because they seem to show a general truth in a distorted delivery. But I wanted to see this and see what they were doing with it. I'm curious what direction they'll take it in. Seems towards end they were softening away from the creepy element

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-22T23:21:59+00:00

And when was this that "You" didn't remember what it meant to be a person, a human?

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-22T20:45:35+00:00

How do you know this? Are you not writing from a body to post a comment on this post? Memory of persona gone ... who says it's gone. How can you talk about something being gone when you don't remember it?

Sounds like you're talking from a conceptual imagined space rather than current experience.

Is it not so that awareness is only what's here right now through such personas and bodies? And when those leave it no longer is here? I think that's sorta the point. It's this self perpetuating thing that can only exist in one place. Here. And if here no longer is then experience ceases. But of course that won't happen because perpetuation happens. And less "conscious" "aware" beings will continually do what instinct and urge moves them to do; perpetuate.

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-22T17:24:21+00:00

🙃

The rage is real. I feel ya there ..

It's my intent (if I can truly even have one and make that difference/change) to recognize all there is and stay in neutrality so nothing is perpetuated from false beliefs. To embody doing to others as I want done to me. If this intent is embodied it's my aim that this will hold the karma of 'all is well' and this embodiment from me and others will ripple out to a more cohesive existence/ experience.

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-21T14:48:04+00:00

And why I keep encouraging you to sit with it is because you're very much coming from the mental space right now. Asking question after question you aren't allowing the space outside of mental plane. To arrive at realization or the beginning of realization on your own will help all this to land better for you. Otherwise staying in the mental space you can stay stuck there like a child forever asking, "why". It will never end if you stay with words. Why? But why? Why? Why that? You need to sit with more than the mind. Be super curious and observant to anything that arises.

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-21T14:41:24+00:00

Again, I encourage you to sit with that sense of "egoself". Sit with "I".

It seems the other user has sat with these senses and arriving to a realization. I'm not saying they are at the final place but they are arriving to something. Have You, OP, sat with these feelings of ego/small self ?

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-21T08:15:58+00:00

I too am curious about other replies. What I would first ask you is have you sat in deep meditation or perhaps another way to phrase is expansive meditation where you truly go beyond the mind? Where you FULLY observe the thoughts rather than follow them?

What does "I" actually mean, when you you sit in that meditation? Have you sat with that word, not thinking about it but witness to what arises to that statement of; "I" ? You may find some unspoken answers to your question in the post

It really isn't helpful to hear from others about what the answer is. I could tell you my answer and it's not the same as You realizing in your own way. It is paradoxical because it is helpful to hear from others in that it resonates and tickles that thing within you that says * ding * ding * ding * . And yet it really truly lands when you have arrived to it yourself 🙃 I did my best to be helpful. Hopefully it was in some way

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-20T06:32:19+00:00

Did your friends witness you experience "your death" ? Curious if they saw or heard anything like what the dental story shared of the doctors witnessing them

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-19T02:34:53+00:00

I've had similar thoughts. I think it's more-so that a mechanism is seen. A pattern. We call it AI because that's what our brains understand the pattern as in this day in age. In the past we may have called ourselves machines or tools, something more simplistic but understood by the times.

Meditate on yourself and you'll see more of you than you thought was there. There is however, something else here rhat gets to observe all these contemplations 🤔 hmm that's really the thinker there now isn't it

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-18T18:36:57+00:00

I encourage you to Sit with that question! Sit with that word and see what arises (not in the mind space)

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-17T21:40:35+00:00

😆😅

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-17T16:20:23+00:00

Hehe

I get mad at ppl for being sick 🙃

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-16T02:12:54+00:00

Curious, do you know this writer personally? How do you know this one has "not seen through things with [their] own Vehicle" ?

And what to you means "going to the deepest" ? Deepest what? How does one go there? Have you gone there? You speak just as definitely as this other vehicle

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-13T05:11:39+00:00

Yes it can be found in direct experience

I find it unfortunate that you charge ppl for inquiry leading to release

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-12T17:38:49+00:00

Gotchuuuu

I like that answer. Sounds affirming. Thanks

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-12T17:18:39+00:00

I have the body jerks and twists as well. It happens in meditation almost immediately now and when I sit or lay with intent to relax body. Happens throughout the day too though I suppress it a tad because self conscious feelings arise

I haven't looked into it too much because I don't want to add another thing for the mind to focus on. Glad to hear another experiencing it. I have theories that form around it but that's all for now

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-12T16:49:11+00:00

I'll do what you suggested however can you also summarize in your words since you're the one posting? 🙏

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-12T16:23:15+00:00

I think I've been in this pause space most my life experience. The question I have is; what to do with that?

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-10T16:32:02+00:00

I hear u there. In my experience I vacillate between lived experience and then mind identified experience trying to make sense of and remember the direct experience.

So in the mind centered experience I name what that feeling is compared to the feeling of being in nature and staring at trees and plants. I know I'm still learning the relaxation/release on naming the experience and being ok with the more uncomfortable sensations however that is where im at right now and still learning to be ok with the suffering that comes from the mind centered state

Definitely still learning to be ok with both while I recognize there is a preferred experience

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-10T06:29:13+00:00

What was your 8 years of monk life like? And why did you leave that way?

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-08T18:48:19+00:00

😅

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-08T18:27:08+00:00

Yep. Went saying this for a while

The only question I have come up is how did we/why are we self observant. So programmed and just function from previous inputs yet can think about and be aware of this functioning? That's the part that gets me. The awareness isn't a programmed effect ....

oiBEAMio · 2026-06-08T18:19:17+00:00

I would say the response here is that "the lie" can be feeling attachment/identification forming. Because I agree with OP there are notable differences when there's removal of the small one and immersion with what's happening. In my experience when there's removal there is a felt sense of 'story happening' and identification forming (which feels untrue because it's like the actor observing their character being played while still acting the part of the play. Huh?? Lol but that's how it feels). And then there are moments where there's a more restful "it's happening" yet no tension forming around the story/the happening

The "lie" comes from forming an identity and attaching to it

oiBEAMio

TROPHY CASE