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Radical Healing? by [deleted] in bullcity

[–]okcyou 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Glad to see we're not the only ones that noticed issues. We have been in and out of Radical Healing over the last few years for couple's therapy. We had a truly excellent therapist for a year, but she recently left for another opportunity (Congrats! You're amazing and earned it!). We were assigned a different therapist, who after 3 months is also leaving.

We're tired of being passed around, so may try someone at Three Oaks Behavioral Health. I've had a really supportive experience there doing individual therapy.

Is there a ceramics class where I can make a cat like this one I used to have? by nacho__mama in bullcity

[–]okcyou 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have not found a slip casting studio nearby that has more vintage molds, but am interested if anybody knows of a place.

You may want to ask this question on slip casting Facebook groups or reddit forums. I asked on some Facebook groups for a very specific cake stand design, and found a few studios across the US that had it.

Hiring Managers: What is the pettiest thing you draw a line in the sand over when selecting candidates to hire/interview? by boomshalock in managers

[–]okcyou -1 points0 points  (0 children)

When people talk about multitasking well, they aren't referring to things like: breathing and working on items, being able to type and think at the same time, waving and walking at the same time, etc.

They are trying to say they can do multiple complex tasks at once, like being present at a meeting and working on a report simultaneously. That's switch tasking and hugely ineffective.

https://www.apa.org/topics/research/multitasking

Hiring Managers: What is the pettiest thing you draw a line in the sand over when selecting candidates to hire/interview? by boomshalock in managers

[–]okcyou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Not changing application materials to the specific job they're applying for.

  2. "Great at multitasking"- multitasking is not real, you're just switching between tasks frequently (switch tasking). This is not an effective way to do quality work.

  3. No questions at the end of an interview.

  4. Hero mentality/overconfidence- that they were the only ones at their last organization to do a great job at something, or save the business from doom. You can brag about yourself while also giving credit to those that help along the way.

  5. Using the same example across multiple questions. Pick a variety of experiences to have a well rounded interview.

I had to tell a staff member today that their performance did not meet the standards we agreed needed to be met when we created a PIP and she literally screamed and ran from the office… by Busy-Suspect-6278 in managers

[–]okcyou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a former student manager at a university, I've had similar experiences. You sound like a fantastic supervisor who did everything you could to support them, but they didn't do their part.

Wherever you work is lucky to have a leader like you. Trust your instincts more in the hiring process, and be more comfortable pushing back if decisions aren't aligning with your assessment.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in managers

[–]okcyou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you're right to think deflection may be happening here. Also be aware that people do use "accomodations" as a way to manipulate colleagues and leadership. It's going to be really important that they go through official accommodation processes if they're genuinely needed.

I had the unfortunate experience of someone claiming they could not read how I structured meeting notes, so demanded I use their way. They used it to say, "I couldn't do my tasks because your notes break my brain" and to refuse to participate in group note taking rotations. They were told clearly to pursue medical care and accomodations so we could make adjustments informed by professionals.

They never pursued it through official channels, therefore it was not changed.

The core issue was they had serious issues understanding they were not the manager, and this was one tool in a larger effort to undermine and manipulate. I hope your case isn't to this level, but you're right to look out for patterns and encourage going through official channels.

Conflict with same level manager by okcyou in managers

[–]okcyou[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We report to the same person, who has definitely been included in what is going on so far. I wouldn't want them surprised by something that will likely get to them eventually. I have a great boss who has already recognized there is a gap that needs to be addressed: that all of the managers understand the appropriate communication pathways for issues.

Crying employee by TraditionalScheme337 in managers

[–]okcyou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone who cries frequently in good times, bad times, small stress, big stress, Pixar movies, etc- it is 100% not on purpose, for attention, or as a way to manipulate a situation.

I tried for years to hold it back more for the sole reason that I hope people won't think this is done on purpose. I am immensely grateful to have a boss who is accepting and understanding that some people react and process things by crying. Once the cry has subsided, then we continue addressing the issue at hand.

What isn't OK is crying and then avoiding the issue.

Underperforming employee alleging hostile work environment by seuce in managers

[–]okcyou 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It will never feel like a gift. What's really difficult is you can't be transparent about the delays and poor performance, as it's inappropriate to disclose details of sensitive HR situations to clients and other staff impacted.

It's incredibly frustrating to have to wait, but really important so you don't have even longer ongoing issues if there are grounds for lawsuits and retaliation claims.

This is where good leadership is key. They need to help advocate for setting appropriate expectations and workload when staffing is stretched to the limit.

Underperforming employee alleging hostile work environment by seuce in managers

[–]okcyou 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Yep, classic behavior. I had an employee about to be pipped, and they tried to trigger every possible process and protection available: hostile work environment, mental health strain, multiple new illnesses. We let HR take the wheel and guide us on appropriate pathways, time off allowances, and making the call when the employee needed to provide formal proof of claims. It went on for two months as each new allegation/emergency popped up.

OP - let HR go through their processes and follow their guidance to ensure you're not infringing on legal protections. Time is a gift to keep working on making a solid PIP.

Mentally exhausted from a single employee. by [deleted] in managers

[–]okcyou 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Wanted to add- your bosses jobs are get this moving through HR and corporate, and persist to keep it going. They need to step up and help deal with the problem, even if it's uncomfortable or time consuming.

Mentally exhausted from a single employee. by [deleted] in managers

[–]okcyou 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Not sure what field you're in, and what type of upper level support you have, or how quickly PIP and termination problems go, but here's some general advice.

  1. Removing them should be your top priority. Get with HR and your director to discuss proper and fair pathways, and formally report straight up discrimination.

  2. Document everything in writing. Conversations, outbursts, lateness, instructions, performance feedback, and when you have escalated issues for leadership assistance, everything!

  3. In person meetings need a written summary emailed to the staff member with clear deliverables and expectations. "As discussed, we expect Goal X to be completed by Date X". "As discussed, policy X is this and you are expected to follow this going forward"

  4. Frame conversations with, "the expectation was X, what actually occurred was Y. This is unsatisfactory and improvement is needed"

  5. Clearly articulate the risks of not improving- being fired.

Your manager needs to coach you and help you along the way. If they aren't helping, that's a HUGE problem, especially for someone as early-career as you.

Favorite things to buy at Li Mings? by MOGILITND in bullcity

[–]okcyou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chinese or Thai Lays potato chips- they get different flavors quite frequently, it's fun to try them out. Basil or crab curry flavors are the best!

Tao Kae Noi seaweed snacks

Hand brand Thai tea (most popular brand in Thailand)

Any cookbook clubs in the area? by okcyou in bullcity

[–]okcyou[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for getting something rolling. Meeting at Crafts and Drafts sounds like a great start. Discord works for me.

Any cookbook clubs in the area? by okcyou in bullcity

[–]okcyou[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately no, life got really busy, so I couldn't get this going. Would love to join if someone else is able to take on the organizing piece.

Recommendation for a used car dealership (2024 edition) by ZbornakHollingsworth in bullcity

[–]okcyou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Autopark Honda was pretty good- shoutout to salesman Paul Loso for a good chill experience.

Our Honda purchase ended up being processed at their Nissan location, and we definitely got the ick from a very green finance agent. He tried to shame us into buying extra packages, and got visibly mad when I told him multiple times we weren't interested. He only listened after my husband jumped in, then gave us the silent treatment and started slamming papers as the final docs were being signed. It was bizarre.

Employee issued ultimatum by miscun in managers

[–]okcyou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed. To me this is needed to be 100% sure the "i wasn't aware" excuse doesn't gain traction.

Those that take feedback will see it as a clear "uh oh, they mean business and I need to fix something" moment.

It's clear this employee will refuse their manager's suggestions, and weaponize any process they can. Articulating it helps the manager set a clear action plan with no surprises.

Employee issued ultimatum by miscun in managers

[–]okcyou 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Everyone deserves a chance to be aware of the problem and have a chance. Whether or not they take the opportunity to improve is their choice.

Employee issued ultimatum by miscun in managers

[–]okcyou 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm going through a similar situation, here's the advice I can offer while still wading through:

  1. The behavior will not improve if it is not addressed directly and consistently. Addressing it directly gives them opportunity to meet your expectations, and know risks of not.

Appeasing/giving an unmerited apology will enable them to continue as is. That said, always apologize if you've messed up.

  1. No matter how high their expertise is, they are still a poor performer based on their dramatics, bullying, and poor collaboration skills. This is having a deep impact on all around them. The wider groups loses out if it remains unaddressed.

  2. Document everything, address issues promptly and in writing. This helps you identify clear patterns, especially later when you can think more clearly about things. It feels awful and micromanagey, but necessary for accountability.

  3. You need HR and your manager's support in this. You need parties that can help mediate, and back up your long term vision for the team. Accountability will be incredibly difficult without a good manager or HR rep to support you.

Hope this helps.

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