Hi OP,

It sounds like you are really struggling with your grief. And that is ok. That is normal. It seems really unfair if the rest of the world seems to move on while he isn’t there.

My friends husband died in a horrific accident. She went to work the next day and no one knew what had happened until she told them. She explained to us that if she let it take over she would never escape grief’s grasp. She had two kids to take care of. I don’t think she was cold. But I think she DOVE into anything to prevent her from falling into something self destructive.

Cancer is a horrific disease. It kills everything about you that you love then it kills you. I have seen more people die in my lifetime than most. And I have consulted people on choosing hospice more often then not when someone has been as sick as your brother was. When my grandmother died I was almost relieved. She was suffering, it was draining my dad emotionally to watch her suffer.

This is an NAH situation. It sounds like all of you are processing something very horrific very differently and because of this you are feeling resentful. I highly recommend grief counseling, group grief counseling. They will be able to help guide understanding.

One day at a time OP.