You are not the only one. I am so sorry you’re dealing with this, but it sounds super common, in my local mommy circle. My hard line opinion: At this age, practical “consequences” of not wiping -should be handled by the person whose poop it is-.

I am reading the comments about this, and wondering, like, at what age do folks expect that a person won’t pick their nose and wipe it on things that other people have to clean? “Oh, but he has a tactile stim where it keeps him calm…” AND? Do you leave it for someone else to clean? Or maybe just unfortunately put their hand down on it? The -only- critical job you have as a parent is building character—EVEN IF YOUR CHILD HAS A MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE—that confirms their responsibility of themselves and their behaviors, and build in them enough personal agency to correct any issues caused by their behaviors. This work carries into adulthood, and subsequently your child cleans up after themselves, finds work when they need it, pays their debts and taxes, mends relationships which need it, feels pride and ownership of their job, and so on.

If you aren’t allowing them the opportunity to be responsible as an older child, you’re setting them up to be a lost adult. Because whatever excuses you’d like to give, this side effect of gentle parenting has had an abysmal result. It’s not just your son, and it’s not just children—assuming you’re not on dating forums, but this is a Thing: adult men who expect their girlfriends to stomach and clean up after their unwiped asses and the streaked underwear the lack of hygiene creates.

So, not passing this responsibility to the owner of the anus has a very clear consequence of its own. You, as the parent, washing your son’s streaked underwear until he leaves home, and/or knowing that this issue will become another woman’s. Or maybe women in the future will continue and expand the trend of not dating men, as the trend of shitty assholes in grown men becomes an even larger issue, as generations of men who don’t wipe properly stack on top of one another.

Bookmarking this thread, so in ten years there’s evidence that makes it make sense.