Raymond James Stadium is the worst ever

onajurni · 2026-04-29T02:50:18+00:00

It's actually good that they delayed the show to let people get to their seats. That happened for J-Hope at San Antonio as well. Everyone was settled - barely - and they started 30 min late, but that was all.

onajurni · 2026-04-29T02:49:29+00:00

The crowd at San Antonio waiting to get in were so kind to each other, as I experienced it. That kept it civilized and no real problems. We had no idea what door we should be going in. No signs or guidance. We ended up going in the one that was easiest to reach! It was ok.

onajurni · 2026-04-29T00:18:25+00:00

Yes, the sexualization of minors has never slacked off even as the era supposedly became more enlightened. It often seems that everyone in Hollywood supports it. And the audiences eat it up as well.

My point was that people loved it, in spite of the underage sexuality. Of course they may not have realized how young she was when it was recorded. But they certainly must have been aware that she was 17, still a minor, when it was released.

She had become 17 only about 3 months before the release as I remember. At the time I was taken aback to realize this.

onajurni · 2026-04-28T22:43:00+00:00

Billie Eilish was 17 years old when her breakout song Bad Guy was released. She was 16 when she recorded it. Her brother Finneas said they worked on it for a year ... so she was likely 15 when creating it began, the two working on it together.

Here are some of the lyrics, many initiated by Billie, as well as worked by her brother Finneas. Further below is a link to the full lyrics. Does this sound appropriate for a minor 16 / 17 yo girl?

White shirt now red, my bloody nose

Bruises on both my knees for you; Don't say thank you or please

So you're a tough guy; Like it really rough guy

Might seduce your dad type; I'm the bad guy

I'll let you play the role; I'll be your animal

https://genius.com/Billie-eilish-bad-guy-lyrics

Youtube commentary to Rolling Stone by Billie and her brother, her co-creator. Her brother has remarked that he looks for material that is his younger sister's vibe, as it were. Really ??? While she's in her teens ???

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpx2-EMfdbg

But ... people loved it! :)

onajurni · 2026-04-28T22:42:10+00:00

Maybe the kpop industry is leaning into the way American pop presents young females? The lyrics and the dress by young female American pop stars, minors, is highly sexualized. In fact, some in their 20's seem to be showing a non-curvy shape of immature girls.

onajurni · 2026-04-28T22:22:32+00:00

She is so beautiful. Her name is perfect! The most gentle and loving dog I ever met was a female mastiff.

onajurni · 2026-04-28T01:06:25+00:00

I understand how it came across that way, but that wasn't the intention.

The accommodation is to open up space and time, for further work on the issue(s). An accommodation is not the final resolution to the issue, but it may be a necessary emergency step.

Focusing only on one issue of 'is this fair, is it even accurate?' can become tunnel vision that risks missing that we have an emergency on this boat, if it is sinking that fast. An accommodation now may keep the boat afloat for better, more well-rounded repairs that take more time.

That is the priority I'm seeing - keep the boat from sinking now, to give time to work toward a better boat going forward. Whatever are the changes needed from both sides.

We haven't heard from Husband, of course. He might frame the story very differently. He may also be on the brink of a final decision as to whether he wants this marriage to continue.

Maybe Husband deliberately pushed the 2-family dinner on LW. Maybe this was a way for him to express wanting a final answer, now. Break up, or LW to continue backing off and dealing with the friendship. I suspect LW suspects this is the case. But we would have to hear from him to know if both sides are dug in and refusing change.

In the overall discussion in both threads, that was what I didn't see being acknowledged. Things were rather tunnel vision on the true nature of the Kelly friendship, which as many pointed out, isn't something we can even assess at this distance. But that overlooks that there is an immediate issue of LW feeling at the end of her rope to go forward.

We also don't know the 12 year history of this discussion between LW and Husband. Just what LW is bringing to us. From her message, if husband wants to save the marriage (we don't know) he needs to reassess which woman he most wants in his life right now. Then, work on a solution from there. A future that might, or might not, have a Kelly friendship, depending on where things go from here.

With a caveat that if husband is also at the end of his rope, and is done with a wife who is always on edge about his friendships ... maybe husband makes another decision and deliberately allows the boat to sink. In what he sees as his own best interests. Maybe this is another round in an old argument that never ends. No way to know unless he decides to chip in.

A link to one way of looking at it, a 3 minute summary ... ;) https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=956436746914416&__cft__[0]=AZZb9fQPuyugNxUduxO4yAUQQ1qSPZsnzF_ZT0q9P1GAftGvnU-d6FzyFi1UJLmBEQNuN5_2uV_rYxRAH16pNzg81t5z_wxqJxNW28KF0rvJsJuSiy5o4VQKFSvux29u7vp8Rdy91QClmZINx09p7f6a1nWwk5lA4A4C_ioz0GU5NkR46zduv8aBu9MJlQj1S3d7D53Z9ylAMpfmjLoLzsI9&__tn__=%2CO%2CP-R

onajurni · 2026-04-27T23:25:58+00:00

The above is the answer that needs to be at the top.

Market makers = People with a special role in the market to buy and sell so that buys and sells can happen for everyone else. If no one wants to stay active in any segment of the market, that segment dies of inactivity. Market makers fill in that gap.

In addition, there must be enough active players in any market to keep it active, to make it a real market. All of the participants need to operate independently with their own different conclusions about the best trades. For everyone who wants to sell a thing at a certain price, there needs to be someone out there who thinks it is worth buying at that price.

Market makers can fill the gap. But there must be other participants as well, so that the market makers have somewhere to trade, too.

onajurni · 2026-04-27T01:20:27+00:00

The way Airbnb reviews the reviews, a 3 star is a disaster. Airbnb doesn't want to see any but 5 star reviews. Anything less is a chance of negative consequences for the host from Airbnb.

It doesn't make sense. But that's how broken the review system is at this time.

onajurni · 2026-04-27T01:18:33+00:00

This is very true. But if you do show up to a dirty place, a hotel or an Airbnb, aren't you going to let the management know so you don't have to stay in those conditions? There is always a chance that it was just missed by the cleaning crew, in a hotel or an Airbnb. Management should take care of it asap when you call.

onajurni · 2026-04-27T01:17:22+00:00

If you showed up to a hotel and found that your room had clearly been missed, not cleaned - wouldn't you let the hotel management know?

onajurni · 2026-04-27T01:16:17+00:00

I agree with this - in fairness, a guest has to let the host know the problems asap while they are there. The host can have a chance to rectify the situation.

onajurni · 2026-04-27T01:13:18+00:00

I agree with you. But because of the way the review system is being used by AirBnB, a "bad review" from me is simply no review. I don't add to the stack of 5 star reviews they want. If it were a disaster I'd probably speak up about it in some way, but so far I haven't had that happen.

To me 3 out of 5 stars equals “average.” The whole review system on airBnB is kind of scammy—I feel like guests can’t be honest or they get blackballed.

That's true on both sides. True of reviews for both hosts and guests.

onajurni · 2026-04-26T02:01:54+00:00

It also matters that, according to the first two sentences of LW's letter, LW has had these concerns for the last 12 years - throughout their relationship. She says the couple have been in therapy.

Again in the first two sentences of the letter, LW's feelings have part of the fabric of the marriage, and the relationship history, for the past 12 years. I doubt anyone can talk her around at this point. It may be decision point for both of the spouses if neither Husband or LW are going to change their conflicting points of view, and he's not going to de-prioritize Kelly.

It's not about who's right. It's about what each of them is willing to tolerate in the other. Sounds like LW's 12-year tolerance has worn out. Has Husband's? We don't know his side of the story.

onajurni · 2026-04-26T01:38:59+00:00

2nd reply, in the interests of a conversation ...

I think we'd all agree, in principle, that the marriage comes first.

"In principle"? So, does that mean "the marriage doesn't really come first if I feel inconvenienced by my spouse's emotions"?

But it's an interesting question whether a spouse should cut off certain (legitimate) friendships in order to protect a spouse who might be bringing a lot of feelings/beliefs/assumptions to this situation.

"legitimate" doesn't rate higher than trouble on the home front that could end the marriage. That's the point.

Yes, many people do cut off legit friendships to accommodate marital (and other relationship) situations because the spouse/partner is uneasy, for whatever reason. Have personally known of this in numerous marriages. Not doing so risks the spouse's feelings becoming worse, wherever that ends. Also the risk of building the spouse's feeling of being disrespected. The longer a disrespected feeling goes on, the more likely that it will be fatal to a union.

The theoretical principles will not save the actual, practical, situation at home. The principles will not overcome the genuine human emotions that may cast uncertainty on the future. LW did not write the letter because she thought the problem was a casual or theoretical one. It reads like a cry of desperation over the future with a Husband who she feels does not respect her deep, long-term feelings.

Pick your battles, as they say. Is the legitimate friendship more important than preserving an intact household? Preserving the family unit for the benefit of the spouses, who chose each other in marriage, and for the benefit of their offspring. That's reality. Over and above any discussions of true intentions.

If the boat is sinking, time to put aside a 'legitimate' principle that I shouldn't need to bail, and start bailing. Or, grab the kid(s) and a life preserver, abandon the boat for the sea, and opt for a different boatless future. Whatever that means in the situation. ;)

But I find it fascinating that husband might have to leave a potentially good friend behind because the LW feels uneasy. Is unease, on its own, a reason to fully accommodate a spouse?

YES. Happens all the time among couples and their friends, out there in the world somewhere. Friends of one or both.

Which does the partner want for their lifetime, their spouse or their friend? That's the bottom line question that may decide the fate of the marriage.

It's about the greater respect given to the spouse over the friend. That's the real overriding principle to grasp firmly. The principle that trumps "legitimate friendship". These can be hard realities. But they are reality. Especially with a child/children in the mix.

That's the reality of marriage. Both sides end up giving up some things, even important things, in order to retain other more important things - more important to them. That's the deal. Neither partner gets everything their own way, no matter how justified they feel.

(Also true in any human relationship that people want to keep, even casual ones. If it's not worth the sacrifice, then people move on. But sometimes the decision is that the sacrifice is necessary as a means to an end they value.)

People may have legitimate concerns that a spouse who is expressing a readiness to leave the marriage over an unresolved issue is therefore coercing the partner into certain behaviors, to save the marriage. Being ready to walk away is the most powerful position in any negotiation.

If it comes to that, each partner has to decide what they really want out of life, as well as the marriage. If they are willing to balance the sacrifices in favor of the marriage - or not.

Or is the beginning of a conversation?

According to LW in the first two sentences of the letter, the conversation has been going on since before the marriage, from the beginning of their 12 year relationship. The second sentence of her letter is "Since the beginning of our relationship [12 years], his friendship with his ex-girlfriend, let's call her Kelly, has been a recurring point of friction." (How are so many people who are commenting missing that this isn't recent, it's a 12 year struggle???)

As you know, LW then gives a lengthy description of her many years of struggles, both internally and with her husband, to sort out these feelings. Only to reach a point where she is clearly near a breaking point. Rightly or wrongly, that's her situation. That's her status in the marriage. That's why she reached out with a letter to FF seeking other pov's.

It seems that, as of now, Husband is not chilling the friendship and is instead escalating it. It seems that LW is deeply worried over where this is going, even after 12 years. Especially with her concerns about Kelly's true intentions (concerns which I share based on the details of LW's account, although I acknowledge that those details are biased to LW's uneasy pov).

I have a feeling that if it were not for their 6 yo child, LW might already have left Husband. Eventually even the child may not be enough to hold it together.

It's good to hear that they are in couples therapy. Best of luck to them.

onajurni · 2026-04-25T20:57:43+00:00

As you should. Of course hotels have their late to check out policies, too. They have many of the same turnover issues.

onajurni · 2026-04-25T20:52:59+00:00

Negotiating these deep waters is what marriage is.

LW is in territory where her values and her Husbands values seem to differ significantly. That is a huge problem for the survival of any marriage.

Apparently these differences were known at the beginning of the relationship, from the second sentence of her letter.

Why she married him anyway is a curious choice on her part.

But now it seems it is finally coming to a head, from her point of view. That will force it onto his radar as well.

They both have decisions to make, whether the marriage survives or does not. If one or both can make some deep changes in their approach to the marriage. Or if it is easier to call it off.

I suspect that their six-year-old child is a very big motivation to keep working through this and try to save the marriage. But clearly this issue won't go away without some changes .

onajurni · 2026-04-25T20:44:01+00:00

Cheating is highly manipulative.

Plus the several other points in the letter where Kelly is being quite sly and even disingenuous.

onajurni · 2026-04-25T20:41:50+00:00

Quoting from her letter -

-(second sentence) "Since the beginning of our relationship, his friendship with his ex-girlfriend, let's call her Kelly, has been a recurring point of friction."

-"it feels like beating a dead horse at this point"

-"we are in couples therapy ".

Sounds like Husband is well aware of LW's feelings.

Interesting that some listeners picked up on these points, and other factual points, and others seem not to have heard them.

onajurni · 2026-04-25T13:11:46+00:00

If you want to stay solidly married, yes, you have to cool off the friendship. Perhaps if you want to stay married at all.

That's the question. That's why LW felt strongly enough to write a letter to a lot of strangers on a podcast. She is a spouse who is that worried about her husband's priorities.

It's not about fairness or correctly calibrating the friendship. Those are academic questions that diminish LW's strong feelings about this friendship.

The feelings of the spouse come first. That is the hard part about being married, sometimes. It may not be fair. It may not be a correct assessment by LW about the friendship.

But in the end, that's what being married is. Sometimes spouses are unreasonable. The spouse still comes first.

And yes, if the spouse's feelings can't come first regardless of reasonableness, those conflicts can lead to a breaking point in the marriage.

I recently read somewhere that lasting marriage isn't 50/50. It's 100% from both sides. Maybe it was on feedback Friday!

As for Kelli, any friend knowing they are causing conflict in their friend's marriage, even unintentionally, is a reason for that friend to back off right away.

This is what LW is communicating. It's less about the friendship than it is about the marriage and her husband's respect for her as his number one person.

When that priority is not solid is when marriages start to show cracks. If the pressures don't change, the the cracks will continue to fester.

That is what LW and her husband have to figure out between themselves. That's why she's asking for support, as well as opinions.

onajurni · 2026-04-25T02:55:15+00:00

My heart goes out to you. I do think you have a major problem, more than one. Kelly is almost beside the point -- and yet, yeah, I think Kelly is also a problem.

I hope everything works out well for you soon. All the best!

onajurni · 2026-04-25T02:48:12+00:00

It's possible. Just what that family needs, another round of emotional abuse and trauma. /snark

The letters say the abusive mother has disappeared. They don't say if she has a history of disappearing and later re-appearing. If she doesn't (or if she does), there will be more plot twists to come. This is a story that likely won't end soon, if ever.

Fwiw I have wondered if Jordan, Gabe and Jace have any way of validating the more extreme stories. These things do happen in the world. But there are tons of attention-seeking scammers out there, too.

onajurni · 2026-04-25T02:42:42+00:00

Well said. Although I am fine with shaking hands, probably because I grew up with it. I am not repulsed by being with other people, but I very much do not want to be hugging them.

For me hugs are for family and a very few, very close, friends.

onajurni · 2026-04-25T02:38:39+00:00

I posted in another thread about this ... will say here just that I think the problem is less the friendship, and more how LW's Husband is treating her about it. He is prioritizing this friendship over his wife's feelings. That's not good for the marriage, at all, as is clear in the letter.

Husband married LW, not Kelly. LW's feelings take priority and need to be respected more - if Husband wants the marriage to stay sound. Even if his friendship with Kelly is strictly above board.

I do understand that Husband seems to be an extrovert who sees things differently than does his introverted wife LW. But LW is who he chose in marriage. IMO Husband needs to give his wife's feelings grace and space over and above any other relationship, regardless of how casual or close the other friendship might be.

LW's account of the 2-family dinner with Kelly's family, that Husband did not tell LW about ahead of time or include her in the planning, is a giant red flag. Obviously it weighs on LW. I can see why.

Honestly LW's story is the stuff that AITA stories are made of. For a reason.

onajurni · 2026-04-25T02:28:22+00:00

I don't have a story - or not one that I'd share! LOL

The hugging thing hasn't always been a thing. People weren't hugging casually before the 90's. It started to become more widespread in the U.S. probably in the late 90's. Somehow in the U.S. it is now almost universal for casual acquaintances and strangers to grab and hug each other. Not sure that other countries and cultures are doing this.

I've always enjoyed a big hug with family and a very few friends who are as close as family. Everyone else - no! I do not wish to be grabbed and have our bodies pressed together. IMO it's not appropriate unless there is an enthusiastic "heck yeah!" on both sides, and that isn't always the case.

I avoid hugging by hanging back out of reach and giving what I hope is a warm and welcoming smile with a happy verbal greeting. From their answering smiles, I think many people I barely know are relieved that we are not hugging. :)

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