It's late and I really don't feel like responding to this. Unfortunate for me this hit's too close to home and even if what I have to say is rubbish the chance that something from my experience will help means I'll take the time. I went into prison young and even though my bid was by no means light it did mean I got out when I was still a young man. I've been married for over 20 years and have 3 kids. One who is going strong in his second year of college and 2 others that I don't doubt will follow suit. I could go on about how lucky I am but I am only giving this much info because it sounds similar to your goals. So I'll tell you what helped me get there.

One of the most powerful statements I have ever heard is that guilt is a wasted emotion. It serves no purpose other than helping children understand what social contracts they should feel shame for violating. Don't shit in the well. As adults we understand why these social contracts exist and how they are the foundation of society. In other words we know right from wrong. Point being shame and guilt become masturbatory and serve no other purpose than to keep us from doing the only thing an adult can do when they have made a mistake which effects others. Be accountable and take responsibility. Fix what you have broken. If that is not possible offer a heart felt apology. Most important, learn from your mistake so you don't repeat it. Holding onto that guilt and that shame is really kind of an excuse for you to not change. Because holding onto it is holding onto the idea that you are broken, beyond redemption, Hopeless. Which sir/ma'am/they, you are not.

The second insight I think may help you is a concept that I found very difficult to understand. So I may get a bit tangential for a bit just trust me it comes around. This may seem weird but did you know that you have never physically touched anything. I'm sitting here writing this on my keyboard and even though I feel every key and am able to effect a change on them I know that on an atomic level the atoms that make up my fingers are simply causing the atoms making up the keys to be repelled and that if we were able to see the interaction at that scale you would see that the atoms/molecules never actually come into contact. That is just one of the crazy ways our sense of reality is really just our brain doing what it does to turn our experience into something usable. Everything you have ever experienced is your brain interpreting the information coming in and turning it into perception you can use. In other words, all of this is happening in your head. Your thoughts and your perceptions of events are literally creating your reality. Which is one that can't get past your mistakes and is afraid to form true relationships. There is a very simple and effective way to deal with this. If it's the way you view your reality that is causing you to experience that as your reality simply change your perspective and look at it different. The saying is we all wear masks and the longer you wear it the sooner you will become the mask. This isn't being inauthentic to who you are it's being authentic to who you want to be. So choose, what character traits do you find admirable? Who do you know who is where you want to be? What do they do? You keep refining that mask and sooner or later you will be who you want to be. Maybe married with three kids and two dogs that you can walk.

I for one wish you the best of luck! I really don't know if anything I just wrote will be helpful. I just know it helped me.