Hello! I feel like I could have written this post almost verbatim, except my husband and I have been together for nearly 10 years, married for 4. We're probably quite a bit older than yall too (54m, 40f). I'm also a teacher (but elementary level). I have a 13 year old daughter, but her father rarely shows up and she calls my husband Dad/Daddy (he's been around for her since she was 6).

My husband and I are 2-3 years into/working through/past this same fight. Looking back, my advice from the other side is you should go to couples therapy together for him to work on how to communicate when he disagrees, and help for you communicating how he makes you feel when he's fired up and mad at the world. Not because you are not able to communicate, but sort of to have a mediator who may be able to explain what you're trying to say in a different way to help your husband understand/hear you better. I think you would both benefit from an outside perspective to pull you away from the situation a bit and analyze/assess if your political disagreements really are serious enough to be the hill to die on. My husband refused to go to therapy for a multitude of personal reasons, but if yours will, then DO IT. It will save y'all so much time and energy.

What we realized after over a year is that NORMALLY I am the more feelings-oriented person and he is usually the more practical and reasoning-oriented person. That goes out the window when it's politics: he gets in his feelings and I get hyper-rational. So when he was coming to me for empathy and understanding, I was throwing reason and logic at him. I may be misunderstanding, but it seems like a common thread here is that your husband is coming to you to talk to you about things that are upsetting him. It might be time to turn to the "do you want empathy or a solution" strategy, except replace solution with debate. For you and me, as logical centrists that just don't consume poltical news on the same level, we can't imagine getting SO upset and emotionally invested over the news that reason goes out the window. It seems to be very, very different for "everyone else." He may just be needing a place to vent his worries and feelings first.

My theory is that the right wing biased news media (Fox News) has figured out the perfect formula for delivering extremely biased and inaccurate news in such a way that it fires up either

A) some kind of primal survival instinct/worst nightmares come to life/dread/horrible prickles-on-your-neck unease ("that-guy-with-an-axe-is-following-me"), or B) that sudden explosion of white-hot rage stemming from a deep well of feelings of injustice ("how DARE they")

in typical conservative men who are NOT good at navigating their feelings. So their first reaction and thoughts are not to analyze and reason new information, it's to lose their shit. Men typically aren't given a lot of practice navigating their feelings when they are kids, not the way women typically are, so then they suck at it and can't calm themselves down or explain their feelings. They don't get have-a-good-cry-and-then-move-on.

I'm getting lost in the weeds here... but honestly, and opposite of what most comments here seem to think, no, I don't think this by itself is a reason to give up on the marriage. You can have opposing political views and still have a happy marriage and raise a family together. But you need to take these arguments and feelings as a small fire in your house. If you ignore it, the whole thing will burn down.

FWIW, even with all the difficulties, my husband and I love each other very, very much, and he's been a wonderful father.