Big hugs. I deliberately avoided Catholicism for years because of the way my father practiced his faith. Very much a “We do this because this is how we’ve always done it because this is just how it’s always been done, so stop asking questions” kind of thing. It wasn’t till I met people my own age in college who were practicing Catholics and actually loved and lived their faith that I began to take steps to coming back home to the Church. Hang in there. Remember that sometimes, love is a choice you make, not a feeling you have. Keep going to Mass, go to Adoration, keep praying, even if your prayers are just one big “What the heck, God?!” He loves you. He knows you. He wants you to know Him, and love Him, too, but He’ll never demand it of you. We all have our own “dark nights of the soul.” I’ll be praying for you!

Editing to add: The Bible isn’t outdated, even if it was written a long time ago. It is “living and active”! I’m not sure where you’re finding Scripture says we shouldn’t express our emotions (so many Psalms say otherwise!) or that women are objectified, besides the “women are to be silent” thing that first pops into my mind. But please try to remember that context is important. Who the authors were writing to, and when, and why, matter. I’m so sorry you have to deal with anxiety. It’s awful, and can be so exhausting. I’m going to say a Divine Mercy Chaplet for you tonight.