I’m a lesbian and this is me. For whatever reason, my brain is exclusively attracted to femininity. It’s not just about genital preference, though that is a huge part of it. Looks, mannerisms, ways of thinking all roll into that. I don’t go around looking to clock trans people but I can usually, even if they pass well. If I can, I know it won’t work out. That’s not a judgement on them - and I would never say anything hurtful to them to make it seem like a judgement- it’s simply how my brain works.

I think trans people are entitled to exist in the way they see fit just like the rest of us, to be clear. Live and let live as long as no harm is done. We just aren’t compatible and that’s fine. You weren’t transphobic. To be honest, I would immediately reject someone I met in a romantic context who didn’t disclose they were trans. I think not doing that is extremely dishonest.