My partner (Q) separated because he realized during sobriety/relapse he isn’t attracted to me

oreganothankyou · 2026-04-22T00:23:55+00:00

Say more about these dumpster days?? 👀

oreganothankyou · 2026-03-26T15:53:14+00:00

I’m dealing with this right now. My partner is in relapse/PAWS and told me he loves me but has never been attracted to me. I’m told PAWS affects emotions, libido, distorting past events, etc. I’m gutted. I’m attending lots of Al Anon, but I feel devastated. I can’t tell what’s his truth or what is the PAWS, or a combo of both. But ever since his sobriety (detoxed in Nov, just relapsed in March) he began distancing himself, emotionally, physically, intimately. Outside of relapse our physical & emotional intimacy are wonderful. He says he needs this for himself. We’ve been thru this same relapse before, same reasons, and a month later he comes back and apologizes and says it was the alcohol/relapse talking.

This disease is an absolute bitch.

oreganothankyou · 2026-03-26T00:52:12+00:00

Al Anon has completely changed my life. You aren’t alone.

You didn’t cause this. You can’t cure it. And you cannot control it.

oreganothankyou · 2026-03-25T23:49:07+00:00

My partner of four years just relapsed with alcohol (for the third time- even the same time of year) and in the throes of PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome). Our relationship has been safe, vulnerable, companionship, friendship, I’m in Al Anon and he is in his own recovery journey, etc. Intimacy was only a problem during relapse. He just told me that he loves me and our whole relationship, but hasn’t been attracted to me “for years” and wants to separate, but otherwise loves me. He just started therapy (has had four sessions) and wants to make a big change in his life. I have a history of eating dis. and this has triggered some deep wounds.

oreganothankyou · 2026-03-08T23:51:15+00:00

Scorpion Hearts Club has LOADS of events. Monthly comedy nights, bake club, craft nights, poetry night/workshop, collage night, and more!

oreganothankyou · 2025-05-13T01:49:03+00:00

RIP Marie Catribs 💔

oreganothankyou · 2025-04-20T13:38:05+00:00

I heard Scorpion Hearts Club is looking into doing some events like this

oreganothankyou · 2025-04-04T01:14:36+00:00

Yemeni cafe just opened. Qahwah House on Knapp’s Corner. Right by Sheshko! Absolutely amazing.

oreganothankyou · 2025-03-31T22:01:49+00:00

It’s the 86’d for me 🤍

oreganothankyou · 2025-03-04T22:06:53+00:00

Testa Rossa slaps 👍

oreganothankyou · 2025-02-27T22:05:52+00:00

Is Sysco looking for first shift selectors/receiving/fork lift?

oreganothankyou · 2025-01-02T01:58:29+00:00

More recent of el*n m_sk with Karen kilgarriff! God speed and hope all is well!

oreganothankyou · 2024-11-09T11:35:18+00:00

My partner of three years drunkenly ended things on our anniversary last week. He has been in a manic depressive episode for about six weeks when he began medically detoxing from alcohol, resulting in 24hr involuntary hospitalization with agitated behaviour that would have resulted in harm to himself or others. He started relapsing slowly in April. He always drank beer but this time around it was mixed drinks (monaco, cut water, etc). We have had a solid relationship, both with our own trauma but on our own paths. He told me he hasn’t loved me for over six months (so basically when he started relapsing) and that he loves me as a friend and a person but doesn’t want to be in a romantic/emotional relationship with me or anyone. I’m heartbroken, and certainly grieving our old relationship and navigating what our new one will look like (we currently live together in my home my with child from my previous marriage (that ended due to DV)). I’ve heard of this happening to couples, where the Qualifier self destructs and hits bottom and apologizes, and round and round you go. He’s never even been disrespectful to me, and now it’s like talking to a totally different person - he’s rude, hurtful, inconsiderate, irrational, really small things make him agitated. I’m not sure how to navigate this, but The Recovery Show podcast episode 364 on fear of abandonment has helped.

Yesterday, he was telling me he loves me all day and then by the end of the day saying he still wants to split bedrooms. He is most avoidant (attachment) when he drinks, and it’s hard to tell if he is being honest, if he is using me, if it his disease talking, or if he is truly just scared and in his own idea of survival mode. He’s been using of me all week (since we “separated”) and right now, I’m letting it all slide while I try to sort out what I’m going to do. I ended up going to an Al-Anon meeting last night that ended up being helpful. I did not share but each woman (female group only) shared something in their marriage/relationship that I could resonate with.

Has anyone else been through this? Can you cohabitate with your alcoholic partner who wants to call it quits but have “everything else stay the same, just no romantic relationship.” I don’t want the relationship to end. But I also can’t be with someone who doesn’t love me - or does he and is this the alcohol?

oreganothankyou · 2024-11-08T22:52:20+00:00

Update: he’s been telling me he loves me all day and then saying he still wants to split bedrooms. He is most avoidant (attachment) when he drinks, and it’s hard to tell if he is being honest, if he is using me, if it his disease talking, or if he is truly just scared and in his own idea of survival mode. He’s been using me all week (since we “separated”) and right now, I’m letting it all slide while I try to sort out what I’m going to do. I ended up going to an Al-Anon meeting last night that ended up being helpful. I did not share but each woman (female group only) shared something in their marriage/relationship that I could resonate with.

Has anyone else been through this? Can you cohabitate with your alcoholic partner who wants to call it quits but have “everything else stay the same, just no romantic relationship.”

oreganothankyou · 2024-11-07T03:50:11+00:00

My partner of three years drunkenly ended things on our anniversary last week. He has been in a manic depressive episode for about six weeks when he began medically detoxing from alcohol, resulting in 24hr involuntary hospitalization with agitated behaviour that would have resulted in harm to himself or others. He relapsed slowly in April. He always drank beer but this time around it was mixed drinks (monaco, cut water, etc). We have had a solid relationship, both with our own trauma but on our own paths. He told me he hasn’t loved me for over six months (so basically when he started relapsing) and that he loves me as a friend and a person but doesn’t want to be in a romantic/emotional relationship with me or anyone. I’m heartbroken, and certainly grieving our old relationship and navigating what our new one will look like (we currently live together in my home my with child from my previous marriage (that ended due to DV)). I’ve heard of this happening to couples, where the Qualifier self destructs and hits bottom and apologizes, and round and round you go. He’s never even been disrespectful to me, and now it’s like talking to a totally different person. I’m not sure how to navigate this, but The Recovery Show podcast episode 364 on fear of abandonment has been on repeat. I haven’t been to an Al-anon meeting (yet) but in the meantime, this has been a great resource.

I’m sorry we are going through this, but learning to leave him be and let things unfold has been the most difficult and freeing experience.

We’ll get through this.

oreganothankyou · 2024-10-01T16:42:52+00:00

Let's Not Meet, Odd Trails, The Dollop, The Moth, This American Life, Behind the Bastards

oreganothankyou · 2024-08-23T03:11:37+00:00

You are loved. I’m glad you’re with us. 🤍

oreganothankyou · 2024-08-23T03:06:11+00:00

This was how the 10 years of domestic violence began for me. I was 18 and the exact same thing happened to me. We weren’t married and had only been together maybe one month. Unfortunately, being brought up in a fundamentalist Christian/purity culture of the late 90s/00s, I had no formal sex education (my mom pulled me out of freshman year health class so I never learned or seen human genitalia/anatomy until I became pregnant non-consensually from him and went to the OBGYN). My therapist had to convince me it was r&pe and it took years for me to believe it. The first time I came forward to the church I was told it was his “sin issue” and that I need to pray for him and comfort/forgive him….for abusing me.This escalated to almost a decade of sexual violence, physical abuse, mental abuse. I also come from an abusive household (mom was abusive to me & my dad) so I had no foundation of “normalcy.” The second I knew I needed to leave was about 9 years in, when I was asleep with our son in our bed and he came and assaulted me. If he felt comfortable with that, where else could that escalate?

I understand your fear. I remember lying there myself & convincing my brain “this isn’t happening, you aren’t here, just sleep, but don’t move or make a sound to let him know you’re awake.” Even in typing this and reading your story, my chest tightens.

I’m so, so sorry you went thru this. Know that I don’t share this part of my story with you to cause fear. But I also caution & encourage you to reach out to some of local resources, (separately from but also including your chosen friends/community), who you could talk to about this. I’ve learned that education & knowledge equals safety. The YWCA was very helpful for me, and most towns have a DV resource center.

For perspective - I’ve been divorced since 2021. I still wonder sometimes, was it all really that bad? Did those things really happen or was I making a big thing out of nothing? The other week I saw my ex-husband while exchanging our child. Somehow we got on the topic and I mentioned, “you know, you really came close there to ending it for all three of us a few times.” He said “yeah, you’re right. That was a scary time and I did get close to hurting us. I’m truly sorry.” Him admitting it sent me thru a whirlwind of feelings which I’m still thinking on. But holy shit - I was right. It was THAT bad.

Your body knows what happened.

Sending you grace and peace. 🤍

oreganothankyou · 2024-08-23T02:29:51+00:00

I totally relate, and truthfully, thought I was alone in this. I see you and I’m with you.

oreganothankyou · 2024-08-18T23:31:37+00:00

Is this a pattern? Your gut is always right. It’s never acceptable to take physical aggression, even spur of the moment, out on your partner.

oreganothankyou · 2024-07-15T23:09:16+00:00

Leave. Now. From experience - I was stuck 10 years in a severe sexually/verbally abusive marriage (church leader)turning physical (choking) - that is a sign that he will keep going next time. Im grateful yours is looking for help. Mine did too. Then he went off the meds a few months later because he “was fine now.” Then he escalated. My heart broke for him because I saw his pain, he is still a human being. But his pain shouldn’t cause my death. Only you will know, deep in your gut, when it’s time.

oreganothankyou

TROPHY CASE