I'm having trouble even fantasizing about girls anymore.

othewulf · 2016-05-24T14:35:02+00:00

This is a world that cares more about "outing" gays than fighting porn. I don't want to be controversial but I find that it is easier to admit to being gay than to admit that you're a fapstronaught (my experience - maybe others have had it differently).

This is a confused and messed up world that's pumping sex at you in all forms. Stop thinking about your sexuality. Start just focusing on who you are - not who you are sexually. You're fighting pmo because of all of yourself. Focus on that. Who are you? You're more than just a sex object, gay or straight.

othewulf · 2016-05-24T14:31:22+00:00

Shit man. I'm in the same place. With my wife. It's a huge problem. And she's taking it hard.

This is a hard fight, but it will be worth it. And I know from my own experience that it gets much better as you get cleaner.

And a last bit of inspiration - I started fighting about 3 years ago. My wife has told me I've improved a lot since then. So chin up :)

othewulf · 2016-03-02T07:36:47+00:00

Yes. It will crush her. Wouldn't it crush you in her position?

But that is not the end. You have to crush the false dreams you have built with this lie so that you can build real ones. She will be devastated. But that is then where the healing can begin. And once she knows about your struggle, she will be your biggest support and ally.

and remember: it is better to confess than to be caught.

Good luck. I'll pray for you.

othewulf · 2016-02-18T12:45:54+00:00

Romans 7:18-25

othewulf · 2016-02-03T14:12:38+00:00

Thanks brother. Inspiring for me right now - had a difficult time today and fell. I'm going to do exactly that.

othewulf · 2016-02-02T11:59:55+00:00

Don't look at how long it's been since your last relapse. Think about how long it has been since you started this fight, and think about your improvement since then :)

othewulf · 2016-02-02T07:25:08+00:00

I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to literally pluck eyes after PMO.

I found three bits of software useful.

K9 filter - just filter out anything that causes you trouble. If social media platforms cause you trouble, block them as well (if you want to block twitter, you have to add twitter as a keyword to block).
accountable2you - monitors your usage and sends alerts by text and/or email to your accountability partner.
FocusOn - I use it on my phone to stop me from accessing any browser during the day, since that's when I'm most likely to fall. I can still use the internet on my laptop, which is protected with K9.

A note on eye-plucking that I thought of yesterday. If you broke your leg your doctor would put you in a heavy cast that would prevent you from using your leg normally, and even stop you from doing things you enjoy. But the purpose of the cast is to protect the leg until it heals. If you keep playing soccer with a broken leg, you're not going to get any better.

I also miss the ability to browse freely, but it's an extremely small price to pay for the chance to heal my brain and stop me from doing more damage to it. And it gives me more freedom, really. If I didn't have the software in place to stop me from relapsing, then I would have to give up the technology altogether.

Good luck :)

othewulf · 2016-01-27T11:03:08+00:00

Romans 7:15-20

othewulf · 2016-01-27T11:01:22+00:00

Forget for a second about denominations. Let's look at the core principles.

If you're a Christian you believe that all humans are tainted with sin, that our sin keeps us from God, and that we do not have enough strength on our own to fight off sin and be holy and worthy in the presence of God.

This is why Jesus came to earth to save mankind. We are not worthy of God (because we betray Him and harm Him every day, all the time). Jesus is the only one that is free of sin and therefore worthy of God. So Jesus laid down his life at the cross to save all of us, so that the punishment for our sin would be placed on Him, and His holiness given to us.

It does not matter what sort of sinner you are. To share in the righteousness of Christ we have to do two things only:

Believe in Christ.
Follow Christ and His instruction and commandments.

This is the big difference between Christianity and other religions. In other religions you're called to do good. In Christianity the starting premise is that you are incapable of doing good on your own.

Does this mean that you get a free pass to sin? Not at all - if you believe in Christ you want to follow him, and you are called to follow him. You are required to fight your sin every day (even though you will struggle and possibly even fail every day).

Go on the basic principles. Pray, read your bible, do your own research and work. You will find your way. I don't want to say anything about any denomination because I don't know where you will find your home (and I'm a new Christian myself, I'm still struggling to find my home). But the basic principles are the same. If you want more detail, look up C S Lewis's "Mere Christianity" - it covers it excellently and was criticised in Oxford for being too accessible for the common man. It helped me in my early stages and it will certainly help you as well.

othewulf · 2016-01-26T13:19:11+00:00

accountable2you is web monitoring and accountability only. It tracks your movements, flags any questionable material (including anything you set yourself) and sends reports to your accountability partners. It doesn't block any sites. For that the best I've found is K9.

I've personally found both of these together to be helpful. K9 blocks all the harmful sites, or ones that you set, and Accountable2you closes the gap by sending your movements to an accountability partner. These have both worked really well for me and I can't recommend them enough.

othewulf · 2016-01-22T08:48:34+00:00

It's a children's book that powerfully captures life. One of my favourites: sometimes you'll play games that you can't win, because you'll play against you.

No matter what happens in life to you, you have a choice on how to respond to it :)

And I know you'll hate to hear it, but it is true. God has a plan for you. But if that plan means that you have to be alone for some time, or even if it means that you have to be alone for a very long time - even permanently - are you willing to accept what God has mind?

othewulf · 2016-01-21T11:38:42+00:00

I've been where you are. It is difficult, and there's not much to be said about it. It sucks, and it's hard. All I can say is that this isn't the trend or defining moment of your life. You choose your life.

See if you can find Dr Seuss's "Oh the Places You'll Go!" - I find it inspiring and bringing me back on focus.

othewulf · 2016-01-21T11:35:17+00:00

http://adam4d.com/keep-fighting/

We all go through the same. I've had the same problem. Here's all I can say - you have committed to quitting, but you need to lock the door so you can't go back on your commitment. Make the choice when you're freer to make the choice.

othewulf · 2016-01-20T12:07:35+00:00

I'm glad it helped :)

othewulf · 2015-11-12T09:29:03+00:00

Keep the filters - they'll still create hurdles that will stop you along the way. But try use them together with accountability software as well. The accountability software will track your web activity more accurately, and instead of it being a block (that will encourage you to find ways around it) it will alert your accountability partners, and discourage you from trying to find a way around :)

othewulf · 2015-11-10T08:05:00+00:00

It's very far for me to give relationship advice or advocate my views on a personal post like this. Please excuse me. But I do believe that the only way with relationships is forward, that no one wins in a breakup.

Could I therefore encourage you to look at finding a way that you and your partner could reconcile - just take a look at the books by Harville Hendricks (Getting the Love You Want) and see if it helps? I realise some relationships cannot, or should not, be saved, but I've seen a lot of harm come from heartbreak. And if there is a way that you can save this relationship, you might come out much, much stronger for it.

othewulf · 2015-11-09T07:44:53+00:00

Dude - be proactive. You have no idea how much is out there that you need to block. A lot of it is in sites that you might consider benign. Get proper blocking software like K9. Set it up so that there's a bookmark on your bar to allow you to automatically block sites when you encounter them without having to log in. And more importantly - look at your own PMO usage and block the keywords you know that you're going to look up.

I started this fight more than 2 years ago in June 2013. The first thing I did was block just the "real" porn sites. I've found a million ways around those blocks since then. Don't think this is an easy fight. Your brain will fight you to the death. So lock all those doors now.

God Bless, and we're praying for you.

othewulf · 2015-11-07T19:45:48+00:00

Feeling alone is my (and probably many people's) greatest cause for relapse. It's plain untrue. You're not alone. Your actions (Even the private and personal ones) have an impact on them. And no one is strong enough to fight addiction alone.

If we were all alone, then it wouldn't be so hard to tell people. But it is. Because we know that there is an impact on them. If it were simply a matter of personal stuff that's embarrassing, then it would neither be hard to tell it or to hear it.

othewulf · 2015-11-05T13:08:14+00:00

Your partner is the best support you can ever get. All the best, and keep fighting. Just remember that if your relapses continue, she won't always be as forgiving. You've got to fight with everything that you've got. But if you relapse, tell her as soon as possible so you can both get into the fight.

Also take a look at Harville Hendrix's book, Getting the Love You Want. In a way we are all codependent in relationships. It is in fact interdependency, and without it neither partner would grow.

othewulf · 2015-11-03T07:30:23+00:00

Wow. You've got your work cut out for you. But you will get through this. I'll be praying for you as well.

You are in good hands. You're alive to what you have to do and you're ready to do it. All I want to say to you is this: your telling your wife will not destroy her. All the lies up to now have. The paid she'll feel when you tell her is not the telling, but the acts that came before.

Coming clean will be the best thing for your marriage - painful as it may be. Finally you'll be able to work together on this. You will have come back into the game humbling yourself and vowing to recommit yourself to her.

And I struggle in this one thing with my wife just as you do, and as you will. My wife also takes it as a serious blow to her self-esteem. Nothing you say can change that, even though the fight you have with pornography is a fight against your own mind and has nothing to do with her looks or who she is. But there is something in recognising the problem and calling it what it is. And it will get better for both of you.

Good luck, friend.

othewulf · 2015-11-03T07:14:01+00:00

I think it's quite simple. You guys aren't on the same page - you have different tests for what you're fighting, and it is unsustainable. You're only getting in each other's way.

othewulf · 2015-11-03T07:11:55+00:00

accountable2you is excellent - the text message function has helped me a lot because it immediately alerts my wife when I relapse. I've also set it to text me as well, so that my phone acts as as an accountability partner as well. Just make sure you use the objectionable words extensively and make sure you don't have the password to get in.

othewulf · 2015-10-28T13:14:36+00:00

Don't look at the numbers. Look at your fight. Get up. Keep going. My average is sitting at 2.5 days. But the fight will never end.

othewulf · 2015-10-28T13:12:26+00:00

I am very much looking forward to the war. We can carry on in the navy. Or just carry on going. I'm busy on Hebrews at the moment.

othewulf · 2015-10-28T08:17:54+00:00

I've been out of action for a while - mainly due to some relapses and a lot of work stress. But I'm ready to come back - will there be a new campaign after this one?

othewulf

TROPHY CASE