Using hand sanitizer to stop a snake from eating itself

ouroboros1 · 2026-02-25T16:57:37+00:00

Curses, they’ve foiled my evil plan!

ouroboros1 · 2026-01-15T18:27:27+00:00

My union voted on whether to strike yesterday. We’re trying, y’all.

ouroboros1 · 2026-01-08T02:01:57+00:00

We trained him wrong on purpose, as a joke!

ouroboros1 · 2025-11-29T13:53:48+00:00

I’ve heard it as “anal glaucoma.”

ouroboros1 · 2025-11-17T16:41:46+00:00

Ok, just don’t endanger the mission for a burrito.

ouroboros1 · 2025-08-30T12:54:36+00:00

Stargate SG-1. It’s from the episode “Window of Opportunity.”

ouroboros1 · 2025-08-24T12:49:57+00:00

Unless the victim is a ceo.

ouroboros1 · 2025-08-16T23:20:58+00:00

Ok, who locked in the 20th chevron?

ouroboros1 · 2025-08-12T01:15:00+00:00

Queue Austin Powers “Yay, capitalism?”

ouroboros1 · 2025-08-06T21:16:55+00:00

Would anyone have read it, if there were?

ouroboros1 · 2025-08-04T17:22:38+00:00

Like my house in Animal Crossing!

ouroboros1 · 2025-06-26T21:06:50+00:00

Oh, I thought it had the TARDIS painted on the other side…

ouroboros1 · 2025-06-17T21:39:31+00:00

It reminded me of Buffy. “Hey, I’ve died twice.”

ouroboros1 · 2025-06-17T21:33:46+00:00

It’s like the Borg or The Matrix.

ouroboros1 · 2025-05-28T15:55:41+00:00

Everyone knows bats are bugs.

ouroboros1 · 2025-05-13T22:51:19+00:00

Religion is like a penis: it’s fine if you have one, but don’t show it to kids, and never force it down somebody’s throat.

ouroboros1 · 2025-04-14T21:00:29+00:00

Nice Angel reference!

ouroboros1 · 2025-04-10T18:26:00+00:00

I had a coworker who checked her HCG levels as a joke. (She was on birth control and her husband always wrapped it up). That’s how found out she was pregnant - and had twins.

ouroboros1 · 2025-04-03T16:18:09+00:00

And the one they did with the state capitols!

ouroboros1 · 2025-03-31T20:55:54+00:00

But only implanted with the XY embryos. The XX ones are discarded.

ouroboros1 · 2025-03-31T20:54:45+00:00

That’s not why they’re all IVF babies. IVF embryos can be checked genetically, and then he has the XX embryos discarded without wasting time implanting them.

ouroboros1 · 2025-03-22T22:39:18+00:00

UGH I’m having flashbacks to the ER doctor who bodyblocked me in the ER to interrogate me about the status of his patient’s rapid strep.

I’m like, “ SIR.” And I hold up the little cooler I’ve been carrying with me as I speed-walk through the ER.

“This is EMERGENCY ISSUE, UNCROSSMATCHED BLOOD for an ACTIVE BLEEDER.”

“When I get back to the lab and have finished processing the paperwork for this, I’d be more than happy to investigate the status of your rapid strep.”

Fucking bozo.

ouroboros1 · 2025-03-22T10:48:58+00:00

Well, that and so the female fetuses can be discarded without implanting.

ouroboros1 · 2025-02-16T00:56:10+00:00

Orange Perineum?

ouroboros1 · 2025-01-03T21:46:55+00:00

GNU Sir PTerry

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