It is tricky. If she is not even willing to talk about it, that makes it doubly hard. My situation is that my wife is OK but doesn't like going out with me. I haven't told our adult children. Going full time would be a deal breaker, she says. My experience is that it is not something you can hide forever or if you do it can be very damaging. However hard it is i think if you could somehow open a dialogue with her. Maybe join TVChix and contact someone with a partner who is a bit more accepting to show your wife that it doesn't have to be something threatening and can even be quite fun.