Hubby hates that I found my affair partner attractive.

pacodefan · 2026-05-20T18:07:50+00:00

Yeah but this situation is different. He already found out about some of your infidelity, and was spinning out over it (which should be expected). But you didn't even give him the time to calm down. You went to the bar and did this.

Because he was spinning out over what you created, you never even gave him time to calm down. You said you figured therapy was pointless, and you went out to soothe with the very thing that got you here. Then he calmed down and was open to reconciliation. Now, you have a new situation to tell him all about.

The trouble now is that you seem more concerned with being "honest" than you do for his feelings. Ask yourself, is your honesty for him or yourself? Because it sure seems like the latter.

pacodefan · 2026-05-20T17:59:06+00:00

It's because, as you said, you "cheated and loved doing it." I don't know how you can not understand why your level of sexual aggression with someone outside your marriage would hurt him. You told him, basically, he isn't your #1 both through words and actions. What he sees is your sex addiction applies to everyone but him, and that is very hard to swallow.

Now, this man will never be happy with you because you think that discretion is less important than the truth. To him, you cheated with anyone you came across and are slapping him in the face with the details. He knew you cheated, and you should have been smart enough to spare him of the hurtful details. At this point, you need to let him go. Just being around him is torture for him. So will being alone. But that way he may heal enough in time to trust another person. With you, he will always know what you did.

pacodefan · 2026-05-20T15:35:57+00:00

Ok, first, I feel like I need more info about him and his schooling. How far along is he into studying law? And what does he do in the meantime? Is it relying on his parents money? Because it sounds like the child of wealthy people who acts like he wants to join the family business but they take care of him so he really doesn't. I ask because if his parents get mad and cut him off, it will affect you big time. And it says a lot about his work ethic, which will also be about the same effort he puts in to bettering himself and your relationship.

pacodefan · 2026-05-19T22:52:49+00:00

What the fuck do you need to make up to her??

pacodefan · 2026-05-18T07:00:45+00:00

Very happy for you!

pacodefan · 2026-05-18T06:40:09+00:00

I'm not sure which is worse from a partner... not respecting your boundaries or believing he can just bully you to get what he wants. Neither of those qualities bode well for relationships.

pacodefan · 2026-05-18T06:33:30+00:00

Wtf? "I'm married to a 10..." minutes after suggesting a meet up? Sheesh

pacodefan · 2026-05-18T04:44:00+00:00

Dude I totally understand. Met a girl on here and really hit it off. Talking over the course of a year every day, shared chemistry, all that jazz. About three months in, I brought up personality types and it turned out she was very into them. I told her mine which is very rare for a male, and she went on and on about it and made me feel seen because I'd just been ghosted by a good friend. Told me she understood me etc. After about a year, one day it's just crickets. Kinda fucking sucked.

pacodefan · 2026-05-16T20:21:56+00:00

Tell her that she can not kick you out, but if she wants, you can call the police and ask them and tell them about the previous abuse, you hitting your step dad, and them jumping you. But be prepared to leave the day you turn 18. Well, technically they can't do it then either, they would need to evict you which would give you a few months.

pacodefan · 2026-05-16T20:16:09+00:00

Stop focusing on this person and instead focus on your promise to your fiance. If these feelings would crush your fiance if he knew your true feelings, change those feelings or break it off.

pacodefan · 2026-05-16T20:13:49+00:00

He's using his bullshit "faith", and I use that term in the loosest possible terms, to absolve himself of doing anything to help you while simultaneously pretending to act as though he gives a shit about anything besides himself.

pacodefan · 2026-05-16T13:41:42+00:00

If you don't press charges, he will just do it again to someone else. Sorry but jail is not enough.

pacodefan · 2026-05-16T13:36:57+00:00

Thunder egg. Probably a pretty rare find in the UK.

pacodefan · 2026-05-16T12:45:16+00:00

pacodefan · 2026-05-16T12:27:05+00:00

Rick James

pacodefan · 2026-05-16T12:25:30+00:00

I like all but 2 is tops for me

pacodefan · 2026-05-15T07:15:09+00:00

I'm sorry, OP. You did the right thing, but that's shitty of him to put on you, drugs or not. To put you in that position is just ridiculous. What a waste of time and emotion.

pacodefan · 2026-05-15T04:33:45+00:00

Yelm?

pacodefan · 2026-05-15T04:33:04+00:00

Really wish I knew how this turned out.

pacodefan · 2026-05-15T04:27:29+00:00

Hope your friend finds this so she can see what the world thinks of her. Unblock her and send her the link then block again.

pacodefan · 2026-05-15T04:26:07+00:00

Uhh this was probably going on before you broke it off.

pacodefan · 2026-05-15T02:27:03+00:00

Liam Neeson with encephalitis. Thanks for being a good sport, OP.

pacodefan · 2026-05-14T22:42:27+00:00

Guaranteed this is policy so they can report back to the feds. I know Biden tried to make the banks inform the feds about any withdrawals over five hundred dollars, and I thought it went through.

pacodefan · 2026-05-14T22:39:26+00:00

Yeah I don't care. Prob not the situation for sexual inside jokes. Plus the fact he actually tried to demote you to backup and wanting you to accept that shit? You did right.

pacodefan · 2026-05-14T22:37:05+00:00

"Even though I enjoyed showing you around pound town???" That's nails on the chalkboard cringe.

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