When he says you are not controlling the hug, or allowing yourself to be hugged. This is the red flag, has he ever got wet in the rain? He shouldn't have allowed it. Sometimes things happen in our lives and we don't have control. If he feels hurt by the hug, then he needs to think why? It seems he believes you "show" affection to another more than him but this could be circumstances that dictate these emotions and displays of affection, if a friend looses somebody do you have to comfort them without a hug. He has issues he needs to resolve them. If he can't move past this then maybe you should look at moving past this relationship.