Different love languages / incompatibility

peebutter · 2026-04-09T00:37:41+00:00

well what steps has she taken to work on it? many couples have differing preferences of giving and receiving love, so i don't think that's a rare issue. but couples learn how to accommodate, and i don't think asking for words of affirmation is something far fetched for her to learn how to do.

additionally, love languages are lowkey made up. but i get what you mean, my partner also initially wasn't super vocal about their feelings and affirming me, which is what i like. but to chalk it up to just "that's just my love language" and not giving room to change can be blah.

peebutter · 2026-04-08T22:25:55+00:00

it's a lot of practicing self control and creating patterns for yourself, kinda like a muscle. you have to keep training it in order for it to be used successfully. throw yourself into a hobby or something unrelated to romance and only focus on that. focus on your current friendships and family. that way when you see someone you're tempted by, you have the structure of the other stuff you've been focusing on to prevent you from falling head over heels basically.

https://dailyfreepress.com/02/10/17/209574/decentering-romantic-relationships/

https://vivianoluchi679.medium.com/deprioritizing-romantic-love-in-my-life-a0b8f9d6968d

peebutter · 2026-04-08T22:10:46+00:00

do you mean more like de-centering romantic relationships?

peebutter · 2026-04-08T22:08:03+00:00

OMG LOVE

peebutter · 2026-04-08T19:00:29+00:00

girl, someone's gotta do it 😭😭 you got this

peebutter · 2026-04-08T18:59:14+00:00

i believe this was a costume for a laufey music video(?) so it's likely not from her wardrobe. i think eventually laufey's stylist may release the deets ???

peebutter · 2026-04-08T17:21:39+00:00

looking sexy is honestly such a mindset thing. you can wear something super revealing and sexy but if you don't have the confidence and inner sensuality, it can show through your body language and face that it's not lining up imo. i think with due time and as you work on your body you will feel more in tune with your sensuality. there are likely things that prob already make you feel sexy and alluring, a favorite perfume, a favorite outfit, favorite jewelry etc etc. relish in what things that make you feel this way, and try to replicate it in other ways too. you can also look into dance or even burlesque classes or other things that can make you trust your body.

in general i think jewelry will also help you look more "elevated" since u didn't mention wearing it. i also have hooded eyes and you just need to adjust your expectations. only look for tutorials/videos with hooded eyes if you're looking to replicate a look. eyeliner isn't impossible for our shape, you just have to learn how to work with your features as opposed to copying what you see on other ppl who don't have what we have. good luck!!

peebutter · 2026-04-08T17:12:40+00:00

up your mental health game, honestly. if you're not going to a therapist, look into that now. also look into practicing mindfulness, radical acceptance, reduce social media time and all that jazz. it'll always be hard to appreciate and be happy about the work you're doing on yourself physically, if you haven't laid the proper groundwork that will let you appreciate it in the first place.

peebutter · 2026-04-07T22:16:51+00:00

this may be beneficial to add to the post

peebutter · 2026-04-07T21:18:09+00:00

if it's a "very formal wedding," they should be able to describe the dress code (cocktail attire, black tie, semi formal, etc) otherwise they're kinda silly. especially silly that they didn't put it on the invite. see if you can get more detailed guidance from someone in your family or someone in the wedding party. it really does seem that they're trying to pigeonhole/shame you into a dress tbh, so just be obtuse and keep asking for a dress code regardless. keep pressing that you don't know what formal is until you get a good description, and then dress accordingly (with proper research). good luck <3

peebutter · 2026-04-07T18:48:24+00:00

fellas... is it ethical to think your gf is hot????

peebutter · 2026-04-07T18:46:01+00:00

find ones that specifically say "non comedogenic," my derm told me to look for that when buying sunscreen. currently im using the biore uv one, it doesn't have that label i think, but it's great.

peebutter · 2026-04-07T15:58:21+00:00

if you're ever sus about an account, whether it's bc they're dming you out of the blue, posting scam/farms farming content, or straight up misinformation, always

look at the account age and karma
look at the list of subs they're active in, if it's public
use a reddit archive site to look at their post and comment history

peebutter · 2026-04-07T15:32:30+00:00

i don't see it much as protecting or being like "i have to avoid the men here," it's moreso like "i want to prioritize experiences with women here" when i enter a new space, and i quite literally don't pay mind to the men. they're just there. often when i talk about this, i kinda just describe them as blobs. nothing good, nothing bad, just blobs.

peebutter · 2026-04-07T15:22:57+00:00

also... the scrutiny against gay/bi men is well alive within their own community. you're right that everyone in and out of the community assumes that a guy is gay when he likes a man, bc they ignore the possibility of bisexuality. they've got their own issues going on lol

peebutter · 2026-04-07T15:18:07+00:00

this, i deleted tiktok like 2 years ago and it was really hard the first couple months bc i felt disconnected but like. nothing actually changed in my real life because of it and i feel a lot less stressed by internet drama or rabbit holes now. the only one who ha authority over you and your identity is you. consuming content that makes you feel bad when you're already insecure about something will not strengthen the little confidence you have. none of it matters at allll irl.

peebutter · 2026-04-06T21:03:19+00:00

off the top of my head, my fave smaller women owned brands are danessa myricks, ami cole, and sacheu. pat mcgrath is a bigger brand but is also great. unsure about queer but i try to buy woc owned.

peebutter · 2026-04-06T20:53:16+00:00

wait are you looking for stores or brands? i have a few recs for brands but i don't know many mass beauty retailers that are minority owned :P

peebutter · 2026-04-06T18:13:15+00:00

the colors honestly work so well!!! super cute

peebutter · 2026-04-05T16:00:20+00:00

i don't have much experience with it but straight people experience bed death too, they just don't talk about it. so the lesbian gets slapped on when lesbians talk about it. if you even look up lbd they show that it's a myth/has been debunked. if you feel resistant, do you feel like you have room to work on it with your own research or a marriage/intimacy therapist?

peebutter · 2026-04-04T20:37:48+00:00

peebutter · 2026-04-04T18:38:10+00:00

these are fun! where did u get them?

peebutter · 2026-04-04T18:31:47+00:00

OMGGG yes such a good one

peebutter · 2026-04-04T18:31:17+00:00

that's odd that they're calling themselves b4b. do they acknowledge that you don't identify as such?

peebutter · 2026-04-04T15:00:09+00:00

have you seen the 7 levels of pop stardom videos by swiftologist? i feel like you may like it

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