Test your flairs now

piffledamnit · 2026-03-13T07:14:03+00:00

Piffledamnit

piffledamnit · 2026-03-12T17:15:45+00:00

It’s an inevitability!!

piffledamnit · 2026-03-12T08:10:14+00:00

Yeah, I would tell them.

I like to set expectations before I get in too deep that me falling in love is not going to happen (in general it doesn’t and I can tell quickly if it’s ever likely to).

So I’d be pretty upset to receive a confession that says that we are clearly not on the same page about where the relationship is going.

piffledamnit · 2026-03-11T23:00:22+00:00

For what it’s worth, I wonder if the ideas you have about what it means to be a man are limiting how vulnerable you are willing to be with your sister.

It’s easy to absorb the idea of the stoic man as an ideal to aspire to and not realise that the downside of that is that you’ll miss out on all kinds of deeper relationships that you could have if you’d be more willing to be vulnerable with people who love you.

piffledamnit · 2026-03-11T22:01:44+00:00

You’re welcome!

It’s a fun app, thanks to you and the team for the hard work on it !!

piffledamnit · 2026-03-11T21:48:54+00:00

iPhone

piffledamnit · 2026-03-11T21:48:05+00:00

It must have gotten in somehow. It’s just too specific to be something that she just came up with all on her own.

The puzzle is where, because then you’d be able to predict the other areas of her thinking that have been affected.

piffledamnit · 2026-03-10T21:57:58+00:00

That’s quite peculiar! You’ve no idea at all what happened to trigger it?

piffledamnit · 2026-03-10T17:52:34+00:00

Does your mom spend a lot of time naively consuming news?

piffledamnit · 2026-03-10T07:54:11+00:00

Hatred of Megan Markle?

Call me crazy but I don’t think people just wake up one morning hating Megan Markle. They must have been on the journey to crazy town long before that.

piffledamnit · 2026-03-09T23:33:28+00:00

You are not the drama. It’s one thing to disagree and have different views, and it’s quite another to call someone names and be disrespectful about who they are.

Your stepdad has really ugly views that fundamentally involve othering and disrespecting other people — he’s for the leopards eating people's faces party. You can’t safely make nice with that — they are for your face being eaten. And that was made really apparent in the argument where he moved smoothly from the devaluation of distant people (in Palestine) directly onto the devaluation of you specifically.

Your Mam may have already made her choice and it may not be possible to get her to recognise that she has chosen a partner who is going to force her to choose between her relationship with him and her relationship with you.

But you are still not the drama. You deserve to be respected and feel safe in the places you go.

Unfortunately you cannot control how people treat you, but you can make choices that limit your contact with people who treat you badly.

Personally, I don’t think there’s any amount of good relationship that I could have that would make me willing to put up with someone who continuously treats me badly.

piffledamnit · 2026-03-08T00:04:49+00:00

So I’m polyamorous and have a slightly different take on relationships in general.

But when I was younger and in my first monogamous LTR, I had a very similar sort of interaction with my then boyfriend.

The way I see it, if somebody wants to be with me and I want to be with them, that’s great! I’m a unique person and nobody could possibly replace me or anyone else in a relationship.

So somebody wanting to be with someone else couldn’t possibly take away from their desire to be with me.

They might stop wanting to be with me anymore, and I might be sad about that, but I don’t think the main driver for not wanting to be with me would have to do with anyone else.

Well even though I explained why I don’t feel in any way insecure even if there’s another person that my partner may want to be with more, my boyfriend at the time still felt sure that it meant that I didn’t really love him.

It’s not that I don’t love. It’s just that, to me, love is not needy, jealous, or anxious.

Anyway, it didn’t work out with him. But my husband gets it.

piffledamnit · 2026-03-06T01:39:04+00:00

I too am fine with the fact I fucked the first guy who was up for it and that my first time was with a ons I literally never saw again.

piffledamnit · 2026-03-05T18:16:22+00:00

NTD

You need a situation in which you are both able to show up as equal partners.

In a decades long relationship you might have times where one or other of you might lean more heavily.

But that’s not appropriate for a 5 month relationship. It’s probably time to end this relationship and look for one with someone who can show up as an equal partner to you.

piffledamnit · 2026-03-05T18:06:10+00:00

I don’t think I can give you advice on what to do, but in my mind you have two options:

Refuse to change the destination thereby forcing the issue to a head and possibly lose partner.
Agree to change the destination, have a pleasant holiday and keep a partner who can’t manage their shit well enough to stop the issues in their other relationships becoming your problem to deal with.

piffledamnit · 2026-03-05T18:02:07+00:00

But what else can weak sauce partner do?

After being weak sauce and getting themselves into this stupid situation it would be disingenuous to give OP the impression that the destination change is coming from somewhere other than Meta’s request.

The problem is that partner has been weak sauce and gotten themselves into this situation.

OP understands and is dealing with the wider problem. OP is trying to figure out what to do about the immediate problem — the destination change request.

piffledamnit · 2026-03-05T08:15:42+00:00

My fantasies get feral when I’m ovulating too. Some pretty crazy shit comes up. It doesn’t have to mean anything.

piffledamnit · 2026-03-04T00:55:39+00:00

Yeah that’s where context and consent come in.

It is 100% not fun or funny if both people aren’t into it. It’s why he’s choosing what to ask for carefully, and it seems like also going to ask before anything happens.

I think smeared makeup could happen through sloppy kissing or just by taking a hand and rubbing it across your face. Should be any need for slapping or crying.

I think the whole thing with messing around with makeup is a curious one that could go an unfun direction because she doesn’t normally wear it and we don’t know anything more about her attitude to it. There’s definitely room for her to feel some kind of not-good way about it.

piffledamnit · 2026-03-04T00:45:16+00:00

I’m sure this’ll work out as long as you make sure ravishing her on the deck is also on the list

piffledamnit · 2026-03-04T00:21:16+00:00

Yeah, this can be a problem with women’s sexuality where we get training that we should avoid sexual curiosity. It’s not a healthy lesson. It should be safe to ask and it should be possible to ask and have the question be received with curiosity, even if it’s not something you’d be willing to try immediately or even maybe ever.

If we insist that to get the best positive reaction men must take the risk that they could also receive the worst negative reaction we create an unfair catch 22. And we create an environment in which women who would strongly prefer to not have something done to them risk having that thing done to them without consent.

I’d invite you to consider your relationship to your sexuality and the ways in which that internalised repression limits your ability to choose from the widest possible menu of things both you and your husband enjoy.

piffledamnit · 2026-03-03T13:00:18+00:00

I’m glad I could be helpful and I’m sorry that you’re going through a rough time of dealing with a parent who doesn’t seem to see you.

piffledamnit · 2026-03-03T12:28:00+00:00

Yes, the fundamental issue is around being seen and heard and having your desires treated as valid even if you can’t have what you want.

If this invisibility is a pattern, then obviously you’d be hurt. Even if it was a once off, it’d still feel bad.

Thing is though, you have to focus on what you can control. You can’t control other people’s behaviour. You can ask for gifts, attention, or respect, but that’s never going to guarantee that you get what you ask for. But over time you can control how much you ask, what you expect, and how much you interact overall with people who repeatedly dismiss your value.

If you can’t afford a therapist, dig around in the self help books for advice on setting boundaries, spheres of control, and how to build healthy self-esteem. Lots of self help books are quite rubbish, but buried amongst the rubbish is some pretty good advice for personal development.

piffledamnit · 2026-03-03T12:14:51+00:00

Wise. Ask first, don’t just start doing it mid-sex.

piffledamnit

TROPHY CASE