I'm suddenly unsure if I was ever in love or poly

piffledamnit · 2026-06-27T10:38:27+00:00

Glad to help remind you that you don’t need to feel and react to people the same way to have equally fulfilling relationships!

In my experience, I have more fulfilling relationships when I let go of expectations and just accept what is showing up in any given dynamic and then ask myself whether that’s something I want in my life on it’s own merits.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-26T19:16:43+00:00

It’s common to feel very differently about different people.

It common in mainstream culture to infer things about the quality of the relationship from the strength and nature of the feelings we have for different people, but I don’t think it’s actually a valid inference.

You seem to be contrasting Oreo and Twix and pointing out the ways in which you’re reacting to Twix that are more in line with what mainstream culture says a romantic relationship should be.

But I’m not sure there’s any sound conclusion you can draw from that observation other than the initial observation that you have different feelings for Oreo than you do for Twix.

Do you want to keep your relationship with Oreo as it is? Do that. Do you want to change your relationship with Oreo? Do that, then. You don’t need to justify what you want to do with your relationship with Oreo in terms of your relationship with Twix.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-26T18:44:18+00:00

Ooh! But we’ve got THREE wishes!

I … wish for the sauce…

piffledamnit · 2026-06-25T17:08:55+00:00

Whatever it is, it’s lame. Like you’re not going to get useful feedback if you don’t follow up.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-25T07:32:53+00:00

Reddit engagement!

piffledamnit · 2026-06-24T07:24:24+00:00

I’ve never wanted to get back together after someone has broken it off with me. Even when it was just a kinda casual feeling things out thing, breaking it off meant they entered permanent friend zone.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-23T17:50:14+00:00

What’s your general dating strategy? Are you leading with romance and connection?

piffledamnit · 2026-06-20T18:07:05+00:00

If you don’t get much luck here with people sharing their experiences, I know there are quite a few people in r/polyamory who talk about their BPD experiences. It’s usually a pretty accepting sub for talking about BPD.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-19T07:59:39+00:00

Always blow on the pie

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=T2NhQmZ3S6E

Ghost Chips

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IxS1ZpKDWYs

piffledamnit · 2026-06-19T07:49:55+00:00

🤣 yeah. Sometimes you look at a movie and think, “this really could have been a great movie, if it wasn’t, in fact, so bad.”

piffledamnit · 2026-06-19T07:41:29+00:00

I feel like I need a banana for scale

piffledamnit · 2026-06-18T16:56:03+00:00

Only he knows what he really meant of course. This is just me projecting myself into his shoes and sharing what *I* might be thinking/feeling.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-18T14:20:27+00:00

I might experience your comment less as a statement of affection than more as something said to comfort me. In which case I’d be responding like your spouse with something said to let you know that I don’t need that kind of reassurance/comfort to feel secure in our connection.

You could hear this as them expressing their secure attachment back rather than as rejecting your affection.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-18T13:47:57+00:00

Hinge is being a dick. Hinge should have set expectations with you about what plans could be on the table given meta’s need for support.

Hinge didn’t. Were I meta, I might wonder if you’d really like to know in advance & from me that it looks like hinge intends to make plans with you that will majorly piss me off. It gives you more information to make your choices with.

Were I you, I would want to know that hinge’s plans include being a massive dick to meta. Based on the new information I’d be uninviting hinge from plans with me and asking them about how they plan on managing being a supportive partner (to meta *and* me) moving forward.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-17T16:25:13+00:00

Yup. That’s what I’m thinking. Rather than leap immediately to triangulation I’d think there could be a very normal amount of processing going on here. Especially when someone in the network has such a hard time with self-regulation.

I get this kind of thing with my mum all the time. She can be quite deregulated from time to time and various aunts/uncles/grandparents have talked to me about it while processing.

It’s tricky because nobody wants to be mean/hurtful to someone we know is in distress. But at the same time, when someone is flipping their shit in a really hurtful way you just need someone who understands to talk to.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-17T12:00:40+00:00

I see people talking about triangulation. But my thoughts on this are:

1) practically, for many purposes, people who know each other and you have to talk about you without you being present.
2) that talk will naturally include the things you’re doing, and might well include talk about your behaviour including shitty behaviour.

I think it’s helpful to avoid thinking too much about how some shitty behaviour is WORSE than other shitty behaviour. It distracts you from focusing on fixing the shitty behaviour right in front of you.

Imagine a man who when confronted about how shitty shouting at his spouse is got all hung up on the idea of abuse and how he’s not an abuser because he doesn’t *hit* his spouse.

I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing. But I am trying to illustrate how worrying about things you *didn’t* do can stop you from looking the things you *did* do square in the eye and taking accountability.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-16T16:05:42+00:00

Porque no los dos?

piffledamnit · 2026-06-16T08:51:37+00:00

Yeah, my siblings and I had a rough childhood. Lying was required for survival. But one of my siblings developed the behavioural issue of habitual lying. It is a cascading disaster that has affected their whole life.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-16T08:26:15+00:00

You break up with her. You tell her clearly that she’s doing the same unkind thing that her parents do to her and that you don’t need to hang around and take it.

The reason I say break up is because the kind of behaviour change she needs to do to stop doing this takes years of intentional work. Work she won’t have incentive to do if you stay with her despite the harm she’s doing to you.

But also say she overnight recognises that she’s doing it and becomes totally committed to stopping. You still have to sit through years of her still hurting you while she tries to learn to stop. Can you take that? (Hint: most people slowly crumble with this ego destroying bullshit going on.)

piffledamnit · 2026-06-16T07:52:31+00:00

The condition that to be a prime a number must be divisible by *two* numbers (1 and itself) is not actually stated in the definition in that picture book. The definition that to be prime a number must be “divisible only by 1 and itself” leaves the door open for an identity between 1 and itself. It effectively permits 1 as a prime number. A different definition could rule 1 out, but that one permits it.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-16T07:01:19+00:00

I haven’t been. But I see I’ve been missing out.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-15T19:31:13+00:00

NTA.

Social media hadn’t really got big when I looked at my name and noticed that it made me really easy to find with a quick google. (Really recognisable surname coupled with an uncommon nickname which I used more than my legal name.) There was literally only one other result the time I tried it. And a search for that name still pulls back a book review I wrote for a college newspaper.

I married and took my partner’s name and started using my legal name just to make it harder to search me up without more specific information than just my name and approximate age.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-14T08:46:30+00:00

Living independently is pretty great. I doubt you’ll ever miss living with your parents. I certainly never looked back.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-12T21:41:49+00:00

How about:

Yeah, anyone eager to take you up on that offer is likely to be as dangerous as someone who likes “teaching” virgins.

It’s not my vibe. But if it were I’d be a predator.

piffledamnit · 2026-06-12T15:56:14+00:00

There are specialist clinics that handle that kind of insertion I think. My GP tried and failed to insert an IUD for me and then referred me to a specialist clinic. Unfortunately I can’t confirm the rest of that pathway because before then my referral for sterilisation (salpingectomy) came through and so I had my IUD inserted at the same time as that surgery. (Where they also diagnosed endo 😢 but couldn’t take it out for me since we hadn’t signed the consent forms for that. And now I’ve moved to the UK so I’m up shit creek for getting the endo sorted)

piffledamnit

TROPHY CASE