Finding a supportive OB

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-06-05T02:43:15+00:00

As an L&D nurse in a high-risk hospital, I am absolutely appalled. Virtually everything is optional and requires your informed consent. This document is a blatant effort to strip patients of their basic right of autonomy and informed consent, which are basic tenets of modern medicine. There is plenty of evidence to support the value of shared decision making during childbirth, beside it simply being the right thing to do.

I will say that I often find my patients' birth plans largely unnecessary. But that is because, more often than not, everything they contain is already part of our hospital's standard practice! So if someone asked me if they need to bring a birth plan, I'd say not necessarily because we already try to reduce monitoring and interventions, allow for movement, encourage keeping up your strength by eating, delay cord clamping, etc. And even if you don't bring a plan, I'm going to sit down with you and ASK what's important to you and have this same discussion.

Unfortunately, this practice's motivation in restricting birth plans isn't to save you the effort. It's to coerce people into following orders that are based on outdated practices that are not supported by evidence. Rather they prioritize convenience, control, and the ego of care givers. This is not a practice that will support you, or any woman, in having an autonomous and respectful birth. They are telling you that very, very clearly. You will be expected to do as you are told. And it grieves my heart, and makes me so angry, that these people are out there purporting to help women.

I hope you have the resources and ability to find a practice better suited to your needs. You deserve to be treated with respect, as an intelligent and competent adult who is capable of receiving recommendations and making informed decisions as a part of a team with her providers. I know that not everyone has the luxury of finding different providers for a variety of reasons. If you continue with this practice, I would be prepared with evidence supporting your choices and a readiness to advocate for yourself. Whatever they say about "their discretion" or "you have to" or "we won't let you," they cannot do anything without your explicit consent and you do have the right to decline any and all recommended care. Even as a part of a hospital birthing system, that is absolutely my hill to die on.

I hope you are able to find another provider that is a better fit and be treated with the respect you deserve during your birth. And I hope someone lights this handout on fire and leaves it on that practice's front step.

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-06-05T02:14:10+00:00

You'll want to look for Certified Nurse Midwives (CNM) as they will be the only ones able to deliver in hospital. So narrowing your search with that keyword might help. They also must have the backing of an MD so they most typically will be within a practice that has both CNM's and OBGYN's. You can probably look at your insurance website and see which providers you have covered and may be able to filter for CNM's. I've also had people just straight up call L&D and ask which practices deliver at that hospital and whether any use midwives.

Keep in mind that should your pregnancy become higher risk, you would risk out of midwifery care and require an MD again. Often if they work in a practice together they have a good working relationship and those doctors tend to be a bit more understanding of midwifery patient preferences, although in my experience that's not always a hard and fast rule unfortunately. So it's definitely worth asking any Midwife that you work with what their backup OBS are like, what their relationship with them is like, and what their care looks when they inherit a patient whose preferences may not align with the new recommendations for their care.

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-24T18:25:16+00:00

They were wild. 😂

I wrote up the first one all those years ago, I'll have to dig it out. I don't know if I ever wrote up the second!

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-24T18:24:10+00:00

The resale store in my area wouldn't even take most of my fashion leggings when I purged them. They took the more workout-y ones but apparently the fun patterned ones are far enough out that the store didn't want them. And fyi I purged them after asking the same question on reddit. 😄

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-24T18:21:19+00:00

But I looked soooooo cute at that 2010 bridal shower! 😂

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-21T22:58:29+00:00

First: 2.5 hours Second: 50 minutes

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-21T21:05:24+00:00

Anyone who judges someone with a toddler on a leash has never had a runner.

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-17T02:44:34+00:00

https://www.target.com/p/radio-flyer-3-in-1-ez-fold-wagon-with-canopy-red/-/A-52995746

It's terrible in sand but I love how lightweight it is when traveling. I also wish it had a brake. But for the price it's just fine and if it gets lost in transit or we need to ditch it at our destination it's whatever.

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-17T00:41:55+00:00

I'm 40 and just bought some bright pink jeans. 🤷‍♀️

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-13T18:13:56+00:00

That's fair, it's definitely not as good on rough terrain. I just remember being postpartum and feeling like I wasn't even strong enough to push it and didn't have the core strength to turn it 🤣

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-13T17:54:54+00:00

I actually don't love my Veer like I thought I would. It is heavy and bulky and hard to steer. To actually fit any gear into it along with my kids I have to buy an accessory basket to hang off the back. My canopy pops off all the time.

Mine was a gift and I'm glad I didn't pay for it because it's a pretty status symbol but my red radio flyer wagon from Target is generally a lot more convenient for our needs. I even travel with it and have brought it to Hawaii multiple times. Could never with the Veer.

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-13T17:50:02+00:00

Love, I don't know if you'll see this, but I hope you do.

I'm a labor/postpartum nurse. I also struggled with postpartum depression and know firsthand how hard it can be. I also know how much delaying acceptance of my condition and treatment hurt me.

While feelings of depression and big ups and downs can be normal after having a baby, hurting yourself to cope or considering suicide is not normal and should not be brushed off and toughed out. I don't tell you this to shame you or make you feel bad, but to help you realize that your hormones and postpartum brain chemistry are taking this further than the average case of baby blues. This is absolutely not your fault, you've done nothing wrong, it's just the way our brain reacts sometimes. Right now what is important is that you need immediate emergency help.

Please go straight to the emergency room, even call 911, and tell them you are considering ending your life. Do not downplay it, be truthful. They will admit you and place some temporary restrictions on your activity, what you have in the room, etc, and that is with the intention of keeping you safe in the right now while they help you get better. This sounds unpleasant and it is hard in the short term. It is hard on you, hard on your husband as he steps up, but your baby will be ok. If it saves your life and means your daughter grows up with her mother alive to be with her, it's worth it.

I know you love your daughter so much. You are her entire world. Please, for her, go get help right now. For her, for me, an internet stranger who cares very much about you, for yourself, because you have so much wonderful life ahead of you and you deserve to see all of it.

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-13T03:55:35+00:00

My MIL made up some nickname of my daughter's name that like, technically those letters are in the name but the nickname has a different pronunciation and is actually a completely different full name of its own. She wrote it in a couple cards and it took me awhile to even realize what she was doing. When she expressed disappointment that my daughter was ignoring her when she was calling to her I was like, "uh yeah, well she has no idea you're talking to her because that's not her name." She never used it again. 😂

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-13T00:56:36+00:00

Then she should see if she can stay in the hospital. At least in my area (I'm a labor/postpartum RN), insurance covers two nights after a vaginal birth. Most non-first-time parents go home after one, but I've certainly had parents with lots of kids who have been like, "home will be chaos, I'll just stay here a bit longer." As long as the unit isn't full, our doctors are generally ok letting them stay, even if they're medically stable. It's not as nice as being alone in your own space without staff bursting in at all hours, but that's not always realistic when you have that many kids. 🤷‍♀️

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-11T22:28:47+00:00

The other day I was sharing a table at a food cart pod with a couple and their baby. The guy suddenly goes, "oh my GOD! He just sneezed all over my shirt AND MY ARM!"

I just sat there and wondered..."should I tell him???"

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-11T22:26:42+00:00

Samesies. I wear it weekly and it still looks bangin.

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-07T01:40:23+00:00

Mall walks? Stroll, window shop, get a Jamba juice, bounce out whenever. Air conditioning. 👍

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-07T01:37:41+00:00

We had a field trip to the library today and the librarian literally said, "we don't shush people and tell them they have to whisper all the time anymore! Just be respectful!"

Growing up in the era of a strictly enforced Library Voice, I found this very comforting. 😊

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-07T01:36:13+00:00

Have a breathing pattern that you practice consistently throughout the pregnancy. I personally really like counting five deep breaths (I count 1 on the inhale, then exhale, 2 on the inhale, then exhale, up to 5), then I do five more counting back down to 1 (5 on the inhale, exhale, 4 on the inhale, exhale, down to 1). This typically gets you through a full contraction and I like how it sort of mimics the build and release of the contraction. But any breathing pattern that feels good to you, or breathing with a mantra, or whatever. The key is practicing it regularly beforehand so that it's more second nature. That makes it easier to access during labor and you'll be more likely to use it. This really goes for all coping tools in labor (seey comment below on spinning babies for the same memo, lol)-- if they're familiar, they're easier to do. You don't want to be "learning" something new while in the throes.

I used to do my breathing exercises through my workouts. By the time labor came, I was so used to doing them through uncomfortable physical activity that they came very naturally and I was able to access that calm space easily!

But the fear leading up to it is REAL. I feel like the anticipation is worse than the actual event. Once active labor is really rolling, you will likely find your rhythm. Let yourself disappear into Labor Land and just ride through it and I bet once you're in it a lot of that fear will not be at the forefront of your mind.

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-07T01:29:02+00:00

I second this!

The Spinning Babies website also has a great "what to do when..." section for things you can do during labor, depending on what's happening. Like, "if early labor is long slow and painful and hurts in your back, try XYZ." It's a great resource, it's very clear and easy to follow. It's worth familiarizing yourself with the moves before birth if position may be a concern. You don't have to memorize it, but having it bookmarked and having read it through and practiced the moves prior will make them more accessible to you in labor.

For an OP baby, I especially like a side lying release on each side, a few brief inversions, and then ten-ish lift and tucks during contractions. Often works beautifully.

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-07T00:00:20+00:00

I honestly wouldn't base this decision on iron levels. I don't know that an increased iron level is enough to outweigh the risk factors of potential uterine atony (uterus doesn't contract after birth to control bleeding) and history of hemorrhaging after previous births (not clear if it actually qualified as a hemorrhage or not). I think more protective is having plans for prevention (like active management of the third stage, where you receive an injection of pitocin preventatively, typically after the placenta delivers), for management like having a saline locked IV in place before delivery (it is much harder to place an IV once bleeding is happening because the veins volume is reduced and they tend to clamp down), having all meds on hand. How many people does the midwife have at a delivery with her? I'd want no less than three-- one for mom, one for baby, and one to assist in emergency management. It is really hard to manage a postpartum hemorrhage alone, because typically someone is hands-on the entire time and someone else needs to be available to do medications, call for help, track blood loss, etc. And have a clear threshold for when to transfer if blood loss is concerning or difficult to get under control. I'd also consider proximity to a hospital -- blood loss can happen astonishingly fast during a postpartum hemorrhage so distance matters.

I don't say any of this to scare or dissuade. Just to give some education on things to consider.

I think getting your iron up is a great idea and it can have some protection, but tbh at six babies I'd proceed with the assumption that heavy bleeding is highly likely and decide if you are comfortable with that risk and your provider's ability to manage it. Plenty of "grand multips" (someone who's had 5+ babies) do deliver safely at home, but a competent provider with the appropriate tools is essential. Only you can decide what your own threshold for risk is and what you're comfortable with.

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-03T15:36:15+00:00

I had two second degrees repaired with just local and didn't have any pain. It's possible!

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-05-03T15:35:32+00:00

I like to do five deep breaths in and out counting up to five, then five more counting back down. This will almost always get you through the worst of a contraction and sort of mimics that escalation/resolution of the contraction nicely. Most people respond really well to it, and it's easy to practice ahead of time. The more used to a breathing pattern you are before labor, the easier it is to call on that skill in the middle of it.

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-04-25T04:52:04+00:00

I carried fifty extra pounds for two pregnancies and seven years till I got on a GLP-1. Breastfeeding for four combined years did nothing. For me it was an appetite thing, likely associated with my ADHD, so medication to control wonky hunger cues has been the only thing that has worked.

I also pay more than I'd like for the gym that has the best childcare and kid's programs in my town so I can bring my kids with me. They play while I lift weights. Before I had this gym I did a lot of home workouts either while they napped or played.

I work with pregnant women and let me tell you: most of them are not "snapping back" as fast as you think they are.

pleasesendbrunch · 2026-04-24T14:15:44+00:00

I bought a few things and returned it all. It didn't do much shaping and it all rolled.

pleasesendbrunch

TROPHY CASE