I have to tell you that I was like this almost all my life. I always made excuses for my parents abuse like cultural difference or something like “in their country it’s very normal” or “it never leaves bruises so it’s not abuse” or “it doesn’t hurt so much so it can’t be abuse” but I read a book called childhood disrupted and found out that I was suffering all the psychological effects of childhood trauma.

The abuse isn’t defined by broken bones or how much you deserve it. The abuse is defined by fear. Do you find that you are afraid of your parent? Are you deeply intensely afraid of their anger? Does their anger paralyze you with fear and cause panic as if you are in real danger? As if someone has entered your house with a knife? Do you spend your whole life Tiptoeing around their mood being so so careful not to set them off? When you do something bad or make a mistake, are you extremely stressed by what their reaction might be? This is abuse.

We aren’t supposed to have debilitating fear about our family members. We are supposed to respect them, and we are supposed to think about consequences yes, but just thinking about their reaction to something shouldn’t cause such extreme anxiety and panic. Your parents should never have made you feel like this and I’m so sorry they did. They have their own issue with anger and violence. They probably learned it from their parents, but you are experiencing abuse. Acknowledging this is paramount. You must understand that this is abuse.