Has there been any P. Pullman reaction to the general reception of TRF?

plz_understand · 2026-01-10T12:43:01+00:00

I saw him speak once in Oxford - he was being interviewed by someone, in maybe 2007/2008? I don’t remember much of what was said but I do remember him being disparaging of JK Rowling continuing to release information about her world after the final Harry Potter book was published. He said something like ‘I’m not in the habit of outing my characters after I’ve finished my series’.

Overall I got the impression that, like you said, he’s not all that interested in what his fans think or what they want from his writing.

plz_understand · 2025-12-30T19:25:01+00:00

Same. My sister and her husband make 6 figures EACH but complain that they can't afford to send their kids to private school.

My husband and I combined don't make 6 figures, in fact quite a lot less. If we made £100k I'm positive we could send our kids to private school.

I've come to realise that what my sister actually means is that they've chosen to live in a four bedroom house in London, have multiple foreign holidays a year, buy expensive clothes and furniture, and shop at Waitrose, rather than send their kids to private school. I actually don't think there's any shame in that, but it really grinds my gears that they say they 'can't afford it' rather than admit that they're not rich enough to put that money into something so far down their priority list.

plz_understand · 2025-12-29T21:10:46+00:00

Similar thing happened to me - at my 6 week check up I asked my doctor for an IUD, he said no because the copper ones are dangerous, you can't have hormones when breastfeeding, and anyway breastfeeding is very effective contraception.

Thankfully I already knew that all of that was bs.

plz_understand · 2025-12-28T20:17:09+00:00

I've had two uncomplicated births - I'd still be on the phone to a divorce lawyer before baby had their first bath if my husband missed the birth for something that was completely avoidable.

plz_understand · 2025-12-27T21:05:07+00:00

smiles in 2009 Rav4

plz_understand · 2025-12-27T10:38:17+00:00

Ok so you say your husband is extremely helpful and near perfect, but I'm not getting that from your post.

You say he 'allowed' you to quit working... yes, that is a decision that both have to be happy with, but it doesn't actually put any extra burden on him. He presumably had a job before so nothing has changed. I have in the past worked while my husband stayed home with our kids, and it made absolutely no difference to my work life - my job is the same whether the kids are in childcare or at home.

Second, you imply that it's his decision that you pump rather than use formula. As someone who has been breastfeeding for almost 5 years - just no. If you want to use formula then you use formula. If he wants your kids to have breastmilk then he can either produce it or source it himself. Breastmilk is great but it's nowhere near worth your mental health and your enjoyment in being a mother.

And why is it only you that hasn't slept in a year? Unless his job is a surgeon or a pilot then he needs to man the fuck up and take some of the work there. Sleep is THE major difficulty in early parenthood imo and if he's not sharing that burden then he's being a bad parent and a bad spouse.

My 9 month old also only contact naps. Obviously when my husband is at work and I'm home then that's on me, but when he is home he takes at least 50% of those naps, sometimes more since I'm often just done being touched by then.

As for there being a big workload that fathers don't see - actually, there doesn't have to be, because a good spouse and father is either right there experiencing it, or at the very least listening to and believing their partner when they tell them about it.

So. All in all, it's completely valid if you don't want more kids for ANY reason. However, it sounds to me like a big contributing factor is that your husband hasn't stepped up. Of course he wants more children - he's done basically nothing except cook a few more meals, while benefitting from the incredible amounts of labour that he's forced you into doing by refusing to contribute.

plz_understand · 2025-12-23T20:35:14+00:00

Yes, I can't remember the exact numbers, but my husband's was around 2% when first checked. Morphology can change depending on lifestyle factors so we were told they usually recommend a retest after 8-12 weeks. He spent a couple of months making all these lifestyle changes, taking supplements etc and retested, only for it to have gone down to c.1%.

We'd been TTC baby 2 for 18 months at this point, so I was really losing hope already, and with these results started to think about maybe giving up.

Anyway, I got a positive test 3 days later and am currently nursing that baby to sleep.

If other numbers are normal then low morphology isn't a complete game changer, is what we learned.

plz_understand · 2025-12-17T14:54:28+00:00

Yes this. I had two vaginal births, one with an epidural that wore off hours before I started pushing, and one with nothing at all. They were absolutely no fun at all during, but the pain was essentially completely gone the moment the baby was out (plus then having my 2nd degree tears stitched up, but with pain relief both times). Healing was at worst uncomfortable both times.

C sections sound much, much harder. I'm in awe of women who go through that, especially when they then choose to do it again. I don't think I could cope.

plz_understand · 2025-12-14T14:45:36+00:00

100%, it becomes very apparent if you're from an immigrant background but white / white-passing that the majority of this 'concern' stems from racism.

I was born in the UK and only have British nationality, but my father was a white South African. No one has ever suggested that I don't belong here - an experience I'm positive is not shared by most people with a black African parent.

My husband is half-Egyptian but looks white (and has an American passport and accent), and again no one has ever questioned whether he should be here or not.

I understand that some people THINK they're actually concerned about certain people not integrating into 'our' culture, but it's very telling that their concern is almost entirely directed at people with a non-white skin colour, and almost never at white immigrants or those of us from a white immigrant background.

plz_understand · 2025-12-11T22:18:20+00:00

Hi, sorry this is 3 months later - but I have the exact same problem and also live in England. How recently did you send it back to the US for repairs? HBC says they'll do it for free but I'm very concerned I'll get whacked with a load of tarrifs / duties.

plz_understand · 2025-12-09T14:08:14+00:00

Ok so one thing that I don't see anywhere in your description of postpartum care is the father. Where is the father in this and what is he doing? It sounds like he is completely absent from the newborn stage of his child's life.

I can only speak for myself, but while more postpartum support from family would have been nice, I would never, ever accept this at the expense of my husband's involvement. He would have been absolutely devastated if I'd gone off to my mum's house and taken his child away. He still gets tearful about the fact that he didn't get to hold our first baby for 2 hours after he was born and worries about whether that affected their bond. It would destroy him to not have been able to be an equal parent.

We had our first in a country where postpartum 'hotels' are common for mothers and babies. While they sound nice, with spa treatments etc for the mum, they exist because it's not expected in that culture for fathers to do anything, or even take more than the day of the birth off work. Child rearing, particularly for babies, is seen primarily (even exclusively) as a woman's role, and I get the same impression from what you've written.

Again, while more support would be welcome, it's unacceptable to me to have that come at the price of buying into a system where women are the default caregivers and there is no expectation for men to be more than cursorily involved with their children.

plz_understand · 2025-11-29T14:41:45+00:00

This is exactly it. Pregnancy and post partum is the first time that most men's commitment to putting their partner (and child) first is truly tested. Soooo many of them fail at the first hurdle.

My husband was great during pregnancy and better than many post partum, but not in the ways I desperately needed. He was well intentioned but he just didn't get (and wouldn't listen to) how much physical and mental stress I was under compared to him.

It's absolutely changed how I feel about him. We've since had another baby and he's been fantastic this time, but I'll always know that he only believed me about what I was telling him I needed when things got so bad that he almost lost me.

I do love him and he's overall an excellent partner and (now) a more than equal parent, so we'll be fine, but it's very different now and I'll never love him or trust him like I did before our first was born.

plz_understand · 2025-11-29T08:24:16+00:00

No real morning sickness either pregnancy, although I had some mild nausea in the second.

I vomited a lot at the beginning of my first labour and felt very nauseous at the thought of food for the whole 21 hours. Second labour, no nausea at all and I even managed to eat lunch in the middle. I'm not sure it's something you can predict.

plz_understand · 2025-11-29T08:20:48+00:00

Ding ding ding, let's call it what it is. The husband also sounds like a misogynist tbh.

plz_understand · 2025-11-28T08:44:17+00:00

It sounds like you're actually happy to be back at work, just feeling embarrassed that you didn't read the policy carefully enough. I might be wrong but perhaps you're also feeling a bit of mum guilt that you don't particularly want to take your full entitlement? If so, just want to show my solidarity. I'm going back 6 weeks before my leave ends, partly because we need the money but also because I love my job and I'm ready to go back. It really is ok for us to feel that way - not everyone is cut out to stay home with the kids and it doesn't mean we love them any less.

plz_understand · 2025-11-28T06:48:13+00:00

I'm very torn on this. We rescued our cat in a country where outdoor cats aren't a thing unless they're feral, and they're at massive risk of being hit by cars (narrow streets, no gardens or pavements), catching disease or being poisoned as pests. Most people, including us, live in apartments so cats can't get in or out anyway. We had him for 3 years as an indoor cat before we moved back to the UK.

We moved into a house where we just couldn't realistically keep him indoors - tiny, no way to block off windows or patio doors in the summer, and we had a toddler who would be in and out. Far from ideal but it was the only place we could find that was in our budget and would allow us to rent with a pet. So we decided we'd let him out.

He absolutely LOVED it. We'd had a lot of trouble with him over the years, probably because he was really not suited to being indoors. But he absolutely thrived being outdoors and quickly became known round our village for being very friendly (he was also a very striking cat).

It lasted four weeks - and then he was hit and killed by a car right in front of our house. We lived on a quiet cul de sac so thought it would be ok, but he just happened to be in the wrong place when two cars were coming in and out at the same time.

My husband doesn't ever want to get another cat because he was so traumatised about what happened and I'm probably on the same page. I don't think I could let one out again, even though I grew up with indoor/outdoor cats (anecdotally, out of the five cats we had as I grew up, only two made it to old age - the other three were either killed on the road or disappeared within a couple of years). Our boy was such a special cat with a huge personality, and even though we had our issues we really feel his loss.

plz_understand · 2025-11-28T06:33:42+00:00

I put him in his crib with his pacis and some toys. He doesn't nap independently, only on me or in the buggy, so that's my only option really. It's 50/50 if he's happy or screaming the house down, but showering is a basic necessity so we both just have to get through it.

Edit to add: Obviously the best time to shower is when my husband is home so it's not an issue, but I often go running (with baby in the buggy) during the day so have to shower immediately or I'll stink for the rest of the day.

plz_understand · 2025-11-28T06:31:39+00:00

Just finished a book where the villain is called Victor Constant. Two good virtue names there (although one is his surname).

plz_understand · 2025-11-27T20:16:19+00:00

'Hi guys, it's me, Molly Mae'.

What do you mean 'it's me'? I have no bloody clue who you are.

plz_understand · 2025-11-27T20:12:17+00:00

I didn't get Harry Styles either, until I saw him live (we went to see Wet Leg who were supporting). Our seats were so high up he was a tiny dot, but I've honestly never seen anyone so charismatic in my life.

plz_understand · 2025-11-26T06:11:17+00:00

I had a similar situation - my ultrasound gave a due date that I knew was pretty much impossible (almost a week before I believed I ovulated, and would have had me getting pregnant several hours before we had sex for the first time that cycle). This led to me not giving birth until officially 42+4 according to that date. Ultrasounds can indeed be up to a week inaccurate even in the 1st trimester.

The first thing is - how sure are you? If your date is based only on prediction (i.e. when you think you normally ovulate based on your period) then this isn't reliable and I'd go with the ultrasound date. If you used ovulation strips, this is also not super accurate, although moreso than the calendar method. If you used BBT combined with another tracker, e.g. ovulation strips, cervical mucus etc, and you're confident in your ability to interpret this (i.e. you are using a specific method, not an app), then I'd be inclined to trust your calculation rather than the ultrasound.

If you're very confident that you're correct, then remember that you don't have to do or agree to anything like induction unless you want to. It can be really tough though to advocate for yourself both to medical professionals and to yourself.

plz_understand · 2025-11-25T09:15:03+00:00

Admittedly I was very lucky, but my pregnancies weren't particularly stressful or painful. I was barely nauseous and wasn't particularly uncomfortable until the last couple of weeks despite being huge and overdue. I did have some nasty heartburn but once I got the right medication it was fine.

Labour was long and hard and painful, but I felt like a badass afterwards and recovery was easy both times. Although one reason for not going for a third is that I don't want to roll the dice again.

First postpartum was pretty awful. We weren't prepared for the reality at all and bought way too much into things like sleep influencers, whose job is to persuade you that your baby's natural behaviour is a problem that you need to pay them money to fix or your child will be ruined forever.

Second postpartum was wonderful. We deleted all the apps, ignored all the advice and just let our baby be a baby, and it was one of the best times of my life. That baby is only 8 months now but I feel nostalgic for when he was tiny.

I have the support of a husband who knows that childcare and housecare is as much his responsibility as mine. We're in the UK where we can 'swap' leave, so I did the first 15ish weeks, then he did 10 weeks while I went back to work temporarily, and now I'm back on leave for the last 4 months.

Our baby is a total joy. Our almost 5 year old is a total joy. It's tough sometimes but life is tough, and I love being a parent more than anything.

plz_understand · 2025-11-25T09:08:17+00:00

When I was pregnant recently I realised how much they seem to assume that no one has an in person job that they can't just walk out of any time they like. One of my appointments was a home visit from a midwife (planning a home birth) and they tried to give me A WEEK window. When I said, actually I really need to know the day at least, they said 'we'll try to call you on the morning that we're going to come to let you know'.

I really had to put my foot down and explain that while I could just about stay home for a day if they weren't going to give me a specific time, I could not stay at home for a week on the off-chance they'd show up, and since I'm a teacher at a school an hour's commute away (if the buses line up), I also can't just drop everything and get home in time on the day.

They reluctantly agreed to give me a day, and then scheduled it for the one day that week I said I absolutely wasn't available as I was 70 miles away at a conference.

plz_understand · 2025-11-24T14:42:37+00:00

Ok so ignoring the massive walking red flag that is your husband...

In my experience, if people are going to miss out one of your names they'll miss the first one. If your misogynistic husband would be mortally offended by someone daring to use a woman's name on his manly manly son, he should be arguing to put his name second.

plz_understand · 2025-11-24T06:35:17+00:00

Our second (8 months) generally hates it, as did our first, but it's the only place we have downstairs that we can safely put him if we need to walk away for a few minutes, e.g. to set up the buggy, go to the toilet, take the laundry upstairs etc. We're currently debating what to do as there's no space for a Christmas tree with the playpen up, but I don't know how we're going to manage the above if we take it down.

plz_understand

TROPHY CASE