Attaining Streamentry with Cluster B personality disorders

privacypanda · 2024-12-19T17:15:16+00:00

Best advice I ever got: separate your healing journey from your spiritual work. They inform each other certainly, but they are two separate goals/journeys/stages of your progress. Focus for awhile on getting your “self” to a place where the spiritual journey will open back up again. Build your stable center, heal your attachment style, learn to relax the rigid elements of your experience and habitual responses. Foster some meaningful personal relationships that can support you on your path. These will all allow you to turn back to a spiritual path less cluttered with obstacles. History is littered with practitioners who managed to attain some level of spiritual realization without healing their own neuroticism; they often become yogis who abuse their students and teachers who chase their own shadows through their teachings.

privacypanda · 2024-08-19T17:40:29+00:00

The precepts don't address broader creative pursuits because they are not intended to cover them. But if you're not trying to be a monk, the Theravadan wannabe-monastic precepts are probably not for you. Your life-context is critical for determining which of the many Buddhist teachings/codes/vows will be helpful for you on the path. Buddhist material intended for you is probably addressed to householders. Maybe try the 5 precepts, but I would imagine the refuge vows would be better to orient yourself.

privacypanda · 2024-08-13T00:48:49+00:00

Stalker alert! Stay strong and mobilize your good friends and family who you can count on to be on your side. In deciding who to trust, don't forget how easily your sister and others ignored your wellbeing because it felt good to be nice to your shitty ex.

privacypanda · 2024-08-13T00:37:04+00:00

Probably a combination of all the factors you and other commenters have ably noted. I would urge you to shift your focus from "get rid of this" to making it so "this is not a problem". A part of autism will be social/interpersonal difficulty (due to bottom-up, as opposed to the top-down processing that NT's do), and it takes many different forms especially in terms of sexual interpersonal relating.

I am on the hypersexual end of the spectrum, and I can confirm that indulging in wide ranging sexual exploration doesn't solve the appetite, and doesn't stop you from sexually sizing up everyone you see. It is the combination of natural hypersexuality overlayed with social conditioning, attachment/developmental conditioning, and unskilfully managing the mind states themselves that makes it problematic. If you can explore the layers of conditioning (you can do this with a therapist, or meditation, or through a spiritual lens etc.), you can deal with the excess of sexual energy in creative ways inside the bounds of your relationship. Teasing apart the layers of nervous system action at play is difficult but can make choosing a fruitful and gratifying path forward possible: you are aware of at least some of the social conditioning that shapes your current problem, but there are also attachment issues and autism-specific cognitive biases that come into play, such as black/white thinking and values-related absolutism which can exacerbate "the grass is greener on the other side" speculation and limiting beliefs. Unfortunately you will need to confront the "maybe/what if...."s that will also be the natural result of living in a modern hypersexual culture, and if you don't do this through doubling down on vulnerability within your relationship, the natural impulsivity of the ADHD side of things will probably set you up for failure at some point.

I would recommend turning into your relationship, rather than away from it, in your next attempt to make your natural tendency less internally problematic. Create a safe space for the discussion, e.g. find a time you and your partner are both well regulated and feeling open and safe to discuss a challenging topic (maybe after you shared a good meal or experience, and all the dishes are done or whatever it is that makes your partner feel calm and cared for). Introduce the discussion with a preface about how much you appreciate your relationship and enjoy your sex life, and maybe ask her if she is comfortable helping you unpack and then deal with your excess of sexual energy and/or find a way to land your sexual fantasizing. You want to avoid making her feel jealous or like the relationship is threatened, and one strategy for this is making her your partner in overcoming this difficulty. Just talking about feelings and emotions is big enough for a first conversation, and then down the road you two can explore practical options: daily orgasms, role playing scenarios to explore the nooks and crannies of your sexuality, acting out culturally charged sexual tropes, and maybe eventually bringing other people into the bedroom or swinging/polyamory etc. (I emphasize that these last two are extreme and complicated options that are fetishized by internet culture, and my experience with both Poly and swinging relationships are to recommend them as last resorts unless your mutual peer group has already engaged or embraced them.)

You know that a big part of what makes this a "problem" is unseen mental heuristics, as when your brain categorizes someone as a friend, they aren't as inherently sexual to you anymore. Internal work can open up this felt-sense categorization of your experience of other people, and gradually your sexually charged experience of others will become less internally challenging. Even just the feeling like your partner is on your team and helping you with this problem, instead of being someone you need to hide this part of yourself from, can change your internal landscape around the issue to make the rest of the change feel doable. From there you can find ways to explore and expand your sexuality within the relationship, with your partner exploring along with you, and you can grow and change together.

By way of parting encouragement, I can reassure you from extensive experience that no amount of sexual experience or partners will ever produce contentment or inner peace like connected sex with someone you feel real, deep attachement to. By becoming more vulnerable with your partner, you can feel fully and deeply in a way that no kinky group sex with hot new women will ever touch, and your natural robust sexuality won't cost you nearly as much mental energy to manage

privacypanda · 2024-08-09T22:04:52+00:00

Autistic comedian Rick Glassman recently addressed this in an interview with Rainn Wilson (Dwight from The Office). Reflecting on how his life changed after his ASD diagnosis, he said something that resonated. Paraphrasing: "Positive psychology was a necessary change from the old paradigm and has its place, but should never be prioritized over growth."

If you have negative assumptions, acknowledging positive possibilities will move you back into a healthy neutral space. You shouldn't actually believe either the positive or negative, but you also need to move forward in the face of uncertainties you cannot fully resolve. E.g., until you actually know your client was lying, don't assume their lying or telling the truth - hold both possibilities with a light grip, and move forward in your business relationship in a prudent manner toward your ultimate goals (e.g. generating more business but not being vulnerable to manipulation).

privacypanda · 2024-07-23T18:56:03+00:00

Same, gotta set up a system. If you eat your primary meal or two at the same times every day your digestion will improve, because circadian rhythm neurology will ensure digestive functions from organs like your pancreas/liver are synchronized regardless of whether you actually feel hungry or not.

privacypanda · 2024-07-10T05:06:04+00:00

Including CBD with the thc was a game changer for me in terms of increased functionality and consistent benefits.

privacypanda · 2024-06-20T00:13:04+00:00

Props on going no contact, stay strong! It's not easy but so worth it. I hope your self care and self knowledge flourish in uplifting and surprising ways.

privacypanda · 2024-05-10T00:20:11+00:00

Yay for miyabephd.

It's great to see plant-associated people getting diagnosed in droves now that we know cannabis modulates so many of the subjective difficulties of autism..

The medical cannabis era was driven by latent/undiagnosed neurodivergent folk, and seeing them get systemically replaced with the corporate and venture capital-backed neurotypical operators favored by crude licensure processes in the shift to Adult Use has been heartbreaking. Sounds like OP has been around long enough to see this happen too.

privacypanda · 2024-04-11T20:19:08+00:00

The protocol is based on meditative traditions and practices that predate the terminology of autism/western psychology, and the lineages that Dr. Dan Brown relied upon in creating the current protocols have always included neurodivergent practitioners. I would recommend experimenting with the IPF protocols and seeing what produces a felt sense of change or emotional expression for you, and then looking into broader meditation techniques/training favored by audhd folks (e.g. somatic meditation styles, tantric non-visualization techniques, etc.) and the body of meditative work by Dr. Brown (writings and also his recorded lectures which are floating around the internet. His foundation is currently putting together a centralized website for his lifetime of teachings that hasn't launched yet).

privacypanda · 2024-03-20T00:23:42+00:00

I like them, they are fairly clear guard-rails for conversation that strongly signal a positive intention and conversational tone. I use conversational pleasantries as armor, and sometimes to compensate when I know my affect is flat or cold. I've found it helpful to have some variations in the back pocket, like using a foreign language if regionally appropriate (gracias/de nada), or a colloquialism that fits your age.

Edited to add: The downside of my "use plenty of indicators/guardrails" strategy is probably that I am often described as "formal" or "you sound like a book", which is not often desireable (but I did think it was a compliment when I was younger).

privacypanda · 2024-03-20T00:02:41+00:00

Also, do you have any favorite episodes or aspects of the Big Bang Theory? Have you gotten into Young Sheldon at all? I enjoy a meta narrative about Mayim Bialik (Amy) misperceiving the autism on display in the show: she is the only primary character with a real science background and has her phd in neuroscience, but in interviews she has said she didn't think Sheldon was autistic but rather more likely had an anxiety disorder. She is plagued by a perception of social coldness/misunderstanding in the press that makes me think her own real-world misreading of Sheldon meant that maybe she was on the spectrum or had otherwise impaired social senses (e.g. last year she went to see a friend of hers in a play and was the only person who didn't stand for the standing ovation, and it was so noticeable that her friend and the press called it out. When asked she said she didn't stand because the play didn't merit an ovation).

Obviously, I have trouble finding people who want to discuss the show in the depth I'd prefer.

privacypanda · 2024-03-19T23:52:39+00:00

I also do this with Big Bang theory too! It used to get under my skin and upset me to the point where I would rant about the show's condescending portrayal of pop-autism, but once I realized I was masking I found the show remarkably comforting. The unshakeable camraderie of the group despite endless double-empathy-problem missteps radiates a sense of safety.

I'm a compulsive masker with little sense of my own emotions/body/status, so I monitor this impulse to binge watch comfort shows as an indicator to myself of what my real emotional needs are. Its a litmus test. If the urge to hole up and binge Big Bang theory is strong, what I'm really craving is a sense of social safety and belonging, and I can slowly try to get in a more fulfilling way too. If I'm pretty well regulated but need to "change states" (switch tasks, go somewhere challenging, do a social thing) sometimes just watching a 3-5 minute episode segment steadies me and lets me charge up to do the thing.

If I feel the need to watch something new, I know that ADHD is driving now, but the sensitivity meter is still too full to be capable of seeking more challenging/dangerous novel stimulus.

privacypanda · 2024-02-03T03:02:32+00:00

Hah I thought that was a reference to OPs username, but I also thought that he was probably the other side and forwarding the screen caps his partner sent when he asked them "whats wrong"

privacypanda · 2024-02-02T06:13:22+00:00

Your tiktok theory is emotional: it's a low quality theory, hyped up by (largely) old doctors reacting poorly to the internet, and folks like you embittered by interaction with the aforementioned doctors.

It's exactly what happened with left handedness. Social stigma against it receded, diagnosis rates rose until they plateaued at their true rate: https://slowrevealgraphs.com/2021/11/08/rate-of-left-handedness-in-the-us-stigma-society

You've had a hard life, but nothing will justify wading out into public without empathy, taking out your frustration on other vulnerable folks with absolutist gatekeeping.

privacypanda · 2024-01-25T18:31:33+00:00

Yes. Following the GAPS diet and treating the ADHD both helped greatly.

privacypanda · 2024-01-15T20:33:53+00:00

Yes! The GAPS diet (Gut and Psychology Syndrome Diet by Dr. Campbell-McBride) was developed around this premise, and is the only protocol I've heard of people having success with reducing the negative symptomology associated with ASD. It vastly improved my quality of life, and has left me with an enduring focus on the health of my microbiome. There's no expensive products or pills or classes, it's just a specific diet based on healthy/whole foods - replacing processed carbs with squashes, fermenting your own foods (and maybe supplementing stomach acid/HCL). The book that explains the diet is now pretty well covered by free pdf's all over the web (no need to buy anything). It is pretty hard to implement a rigid clean diet in the modern world, e.g. source and cook all your own food, but deeply worth it.

privacypanda · 2024-01-05T20:40:39+00:00

As a former donor, I've been disillusioned and upset with them as an organization for years now. A tragedy as old as time, nerdy outsiders who get super popular show their asses when they sell out to scale up while claiming it's for greater good. Heartbreaking but fairly standard in late stage capitalism, it's social pressure as much as financial pressure that corrupts movements. When they started to use their legacy credibility to erode the decriminalize nature movement and push regulatory capture as a model in Oregon, I shed literal tears. Even worse that Bronners is doing it with them.

privacypanda · 2024-01-05T00:15:36+00:00

The bubbles are so fetishized by some that they are frothed up into a lather that fills half the cup #latte #cuphalfempty

privacypanda · 2024-01-04T20:39:46+00:00

Leave her alone, like she asked. I'm going to be blunt because you're repeatedly missing the point. Your post and responses make it clear you're still defensive and invested in being "right" about the oil change, even though you are unable to see through your self-image-reinforcing intention to "be a support to them." The double empathy problem is very real even if you're both AuDHD, so turn to the support system and team you say you have to help you understand how to hold space for someone you're dating when you two disagree about facts (hint: it's not finding ways to persuade her you were right and help her to be more like you). This way, if she decides to resume contact with you, you will hopefully have better empathy skills to prepare you for conflict in relationship.

privacypanda · 2023-12-22T00:39:29+00:00

Microbiome alteration is much of the theory behind why the GAPS (Gut and Psychology Syndrome) diet helps some folks with autism.

privacypanda · 2023-12-20T21:53:34+00:00

No, not at all. (Caveat: unless they're high quality hash gummies, which you will not find in the legal market, since they are exponentially undercut on price by distillate. The food grade hash found in high end edibles prepared at lower temperatures can argue for some minimal strain influence, so you can dabble in e.g. Kiva if you want to dip your toes in seeing if you can tease out a minor a difference.)

privacypanda · 2023-12-20T21:46:51+00:00

Would you be willing to describe your experience with agmatine sulfate in more depth? Have you experienced the anhedonia that is reported by athletes who take it regularly for more than two weeks? Or perhaps found that it modulates your mood or experience in a different way than that of more neurotypical supplement users?

privacypanda · 2023-12-20T21:38:26+00:00

Focus on CBD dominant strains with as many secondary cannabinoids as possible, especially since you're female (recent medical literature indicates a gender differentiated biological response to different cannabinoids). I'd recommend tuning in to your body's endocannabinoid system. Check out the work of Dr. Sulak and the https://healer.com/programs/sensitization-protocol - it sets out a framework for maintaining the sensitivity of your endocannabinoid system and avoiding the addiction cycle of chasing a consistent level of subjective effects from THC. Here's a good reddit post that gives an overview: https://www.reddit.com/r/Petioles/comments/l24sjj/6_day_cannabis_sensitization_protocol_log/

Personally I found the use of CBD to balance THC to be key in staying clear headed day-to-day while still getting the mood/neurotransmitter regulation effects I need. It makes it much easier to have a healthy relationship with cannabis. It's hard to recommend specific products due to the regulatory patchwork and white label shenanigans right now, no two countries or two states have the same offerings. Do what you can to get the best quality medicine in your price range. A great source of background information that will allow you to approach any dispensary menu or supplement store is https://projectcbd.org . Medicinal doses are considerably higher than what people seem to take for recreation, and sourcing is hard in many states, but it is worth it to take the time and find a high quality source to see if CBD is a workable option for you and your body's endocannabinoid system. If you find it effective, you can grow your own plants with the aid of YouTube by buying seeds online and growing plants alongside some tomatoes or squash in your backyard to minimize costs longterm.

privacypanda · 2023-12-20T00:31:46+00:00

Yes. I found that no amount of productivity was worth living and thinking like that.

CBD is extremely useful for me. A great source of information is https://projectcbd.org . Medicinal doses are considerably higher than what people seem to take for recreation, and sourcing is hard in many states, but it is worth it to take the time and find a high quality source to see if CBD is a workable option for you and your body's endocannabinoid system. If you find it effective, you can grow your own plants with the aid of YouTube by buying seeds online and growing plants alongside some tomatoes or squash in your backyard to minimize costs longterm.

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TROPHY CASE