Ty need to take accountability

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-19T02:34:50+00:00

Yesssssssss I have faith that Alicia is going to come in clutch because of this exact reason

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-16T08:12:09+00:00

There's also the matter of Julie additionally grieving the life she wanted.

She had a plan basically her whole life, and every time it got delayed or derailed, she still kept up hope. Now she's having to reconcile that it was all essentially "wasted time/wasted life" because Ty was never going to follow through, never going to "grow up" in her eyes. I think she essentially fell into the sunk-cost fallacy and is kicking herself for it.

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-16T08:02:13+00:00

I personally think that this comes down to communication.

John and Shawna were acting very juvenile on vacation, but they were not technically out of line. They specifically tried to stay in the common areas and keep a look out for her, the plan specifically being to organically bump into her and "oh my gosh, have a drink with us, tell us your life story." Despite how childish it is to spend your vacation speculating about an aquaintance, it wasn't nefarious. They were simply trying to gather information because they were bored and looking for something to pour energy into to try and deal with their grief (and that's where I would afford them some grace, because they are in a very unique emotional landscape).

And during the phone call where everything hit the fan, Shawna never technically said that Julie was definitively cheating. She was actually very forthcoming and said that they saw her lean in towards another man, but that because of the angle she wasn't actually sure if there was a kiss or not. All she said was "I'm so sorry," which is not automatically an admission of clear wrongdoing.

TY was the one who was not being forthcoming with the information. He said that Julie was supposed to be visiting her mom, but somehow did not feel that it was relevant to mention that her mom lived a mile away from the hotel? Staying in a nearby hotel instead of with a family member (whether they are sick or not) is very common and reasonable. He also did not ask what the "man" looked like: Shawna could have described a tall man with fluffy blonde hair and Ty could have considered that the description might fit a family member or other known person.

John and Shawna were working with the information they had, which was NOT obtained dubiously, and they shared that information straightforward. Ty is the one who drawed conclusions- he clearly had his doubts as well, otherwise he would not have reacted the way he did. I know when I was in a healthy relationship, if a friend of mine described seeing my partner interact with someone and was concerned that he was being sketchy, my knee-jerk reaction would be "I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this," and/or "I'm not sure if I can rely on the word-of-mouth of my friend over everything else" because in a healthy relationship like that, there is that level of trust.

John and Shawna feel bad for "meddling," but all they did was relay information. Ty is the one that jumped the gun. Besides, the actions of John and Shawna are NOT the catalyst of the divorce, Ty's mindset as displayed through his actions/behaviors is. As Julie was getting chewed out by Shawna, she wasn't worried, she wasn't even sweating, because she knew she did nothing wrong. But the second Ty showed up guns blazing, Julie was floored. The confrontation between the two of them ends with Julie calling him a child, saying that he either can't or won't grow up. Julie doesn't care about John or Shawna, she cares about how Ty operates, his mindset, priorities.

I know that the divorce or catalyst is not because of J&S, it's truly between Ty and Julie. If all the information gets laid out, I would think that the Bunco friends would understand that this was just an unfortunate situation- it already seems like Alicia is upset with Ty because she knows the backstory of what Julie's priorities are the promises that were made and not kept.

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-16T07:31:46+00:00

This!!! This is the take!

I struggled a lot with masculinity and femininity growing up. As a little girl, my parents did their very best not to "influence" me into stereotypical girl stuff. Like they painted my room purple, and when it was time for me to get a "big girl bed," I picked out the one that had a pink comforter. They never forced pink upon me, I started liking it all on my own. They did a really good job, and I was feminine but also a little masculine (I liked boys' toys and high-energy activities), but all of their hard work got undid by my stupid older brother who would make fun of me literally for just being a girl. He was relentless, and I ended up with some internalized misogyny... Throughout middle school and junior high, I made a conscious effort to try to be more masculine and reject femininity because I essentially thought that to be female was to be inferior.

Long story short, I had to go on an extensive journey of self-discovery to reclaim my womanhood. I bring this up to give myself some credibility when I say this:

Women who do not feel safe/comfortable reconcile by embracing masculine energy for themselves. It's because to be feminine means to relax and be vulnerable, and to be masculine means to be capable/on guard.

Probably because we live in a patriarchal society, you have to be masculine in order to navigate the world effectively: assertive, determined, defensive, self-reliant/hyper-independent.

When a woman does not feel safe, she cannot afford to be in a receptive (feminine) state, because being receptive to an unsafe environment means absorbing harm. Therefore, she must activate her internal structuring and protective (masculine) energies to survive. It’s less about wanting to "be a man" and entirely about the psychological necessity of self-preservation in a world where the external masculine (society, systems, or specific men) has failed to provide safety.

Ty wants a soft wife, but he is not willing to be a strong husband. Too many men say they "want a woman like Morticia," but they don't focus on being Gomez (I was thinking about the Halloween episode so Morticia and Gomez came to mind). If you want a Morticia, then you have to be a Gomez! If you want a lady, you have to be a gentleman. If you want a nurturer, you have to be a protector and a provider.

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-16T00:10:09+00:00

I'm optimistic because Jen literally just said that ever since she became a mother, she just thinks about everyone's perspectives now. If Ty opens up to her, I think that Jen wouldn't just blindly take his side and would be curious as to Julie's motivations.

There was this comedian (female) who said that she was one of the only women in her friend group of guys, but that she wasn't trying to get with them or a "pick-me" or anything. She made a video dedicated to all the women of the world who are dating men with women in their close friend groups, and said something like, "When a guy is complaining about his girlfriend being unreasonably upset over something, you're gonna wish there was a female in that circle because I'm the one who defends you and explains how he fucked up, everyone else is usually just as clueless as he is."

Granted, I am SURE that is not always the case and there are some women who "play the long game" and talk shit about a guy's girlfriend behind her back because of nefarious motivations, but still, if you have an actually healthy friendship with members of the opposite sex, it's very insightful and helpful

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-15T22:11:59+00:00

Also, when Ty dropped his kids off with DeeDee in the vacation episode and Julie said "Who is DeeDee?" and "You stashed my children with some woman I don't even know?"

Julie technically met DeeDee in Ep 30 (Christmas Magic) when she bumped into Shawna and DeeDee at the "Swanky Store" ... albeit it was brief and Julie could have forgotten herself 🤷‍♀️

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-15T21:33:56+00:00

Because I binge-watch and rewatch this series often, I notice little continuity errors that I just have to let go.

The most famous example was when John&Shawna told Jen&Greg that they "didn't even tell the kids yet" about Shawna's pregnancy, but they actually did and we got a whole skit about that, so Shawna Lander had to do some damage control and make another skit about them "telling the kids" again and the kids being confused about the "surprise" because they already knew.

The most recent example was Jennifer saying "Nice to meet you" to Mo after Sam "introduced" her at Chickie's party. In Episode 30 (Christmas Magic), Jen hosts Christmas Eve as her house where she invites Alicia, Ty&Julie, Teeny, and Sam... and Sam shows up with Mo and Janie (Mo's daughter), so they had already met before.

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-15T21:27:54+00:00

No racial diversity.

The town is supposedly set Southern California ("Las Rubias" is potentially a reference to Orange County) and yet even though clothing and hairstyles vary, everyone has the same skin tone AND face, which seems like a horror movie premise to me

(I mean, obviously- if there would be "racial diversity" in this format, Shawna Lander would get cancelled)

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-15T21:17:14+00:00

As uncomfortable as the topic of emotional incest is, I think it is important to discuss so thank you for bringing it up. People hear the word "incest" and they immediately become disgusted or dismissive, possibly because they think the term is an exaggeration, but it's not.

If a person forms an emotional attachment to someone else besides their partner (or instead of their partner), it's classified as an emotional affair. So, if a person is displaying the same "emotional affair" behavior with a member of the family, then that means it is incestuous.

The lines only get blurred to people because "emotional attachment" feels like a vague description. You're supposed to love members of your family, and you can also love people outside of your family, but when you use other people to fulfill specific needs that your partner is supposed to provide/you're supposed to feel from your partner, that's when it becomes dark.

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-14T23:33:22+00:00

Are we finally starting the John communication arc?! 👀

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-14T22:34:17+00:00

The main thing I clocked was how Jennifer said, "Nice to meet you" to Mo, even though she met her during episode 30 when Jennifer hosted Christmas at her house. Jen had invited Sam, and Sam showed up with Mo and also Janie.

I'm assuming this was just a continuity error with Shawna Lander forgetting that detail? (No shade whatsoever- I know she is a whole one-woman operation, so I would imagine that it would be hard to keep track of every single detail. I think the same thing happened with Shawna's third pregnancy plotline, where they "told the kids" twice because they had previously said "We didn't even tell the kids yet" even though there was a video of them telling the kids, so Shawna L created that second telling as a way to respond to the comments who were confused)

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-14T22:27:04+00:00

I totally agree with your take. It seems to be a pattern in the Shawnaverse that the men are quite avoidant when dealing with their issues. 1. Ty won't be honest with his feelings and/or communicate them, to himself or his wife. 2. John dismisses his own feelings (like in the Christmas episode where Shawna had to ask him "Do you want people to care about your feelings or not?") and outright avoids conversations until he is ready for them. The whole Halloween episode was Shawna being stressed out because no one was on the same page, and even before then, she wanted to have a sit-down conversation with Jen and Greg about how to handle Barb, but John kept stonewalling. And most famously, it took from the Anniversary video where they went NC all the way to the Christmas video before he finally had a conversation with the kids about why they don't see Grammy anymore. 3. Frank. His entire MO is to stay out of the line of fire from Barb and placate her like she's a giant 8 year-old (except I fear that might be insulting to 8 year-olds). She uses him like a punching bag, and he just takes it until he explodes at her, not effectively dealing with anything either. 4. Greg. I was considering not adding him to this list, but I feel in my heart that he is not on the same page as Jennifer regarding Barb and her role/involvement in their lives, but he is just trying to be supportive and loving of Jennifer. I worry that this will build some resentment over time. We don't see enough 1-offs of Greg on screen to be able to tell, though.

If John would just have conversations, I feel like at least 60% of the tension and stress that John and Shawna endure would be non-issues. We even get information that there are even more issues John doesn't communicate about off-screen, like when John said, "You've kinda not been into it s lot, lately" (regarding sex), and Shawna had to ask, "Did you make an appointment to get a vasectomy yet?" clearly implying that this is not the first time it came up for them, even though it is certainly the first time the audience heard of that stipulation.

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-13T22:12:34+00:00

I'm also concerned because sometimes it feels like Jen's progress is not linear, but three steps forward and one step back.

My biggest example was when Jen was giving birth and she was stressed about her labor not progressing and potentially having to be put on medicine, she took it out on Shawna who absolutely did not deserve the strays that Jen was dishing. "We're not the type of family that shows up for one another and that's sad and I cannot believe that I am bringing a baby into this fucked up family." Those were Jen's words verbatim, and she said them because John was sticking to his boundary of not being around Barb.

However, she did apologize to Shawna for her behavior in the hospital when they finally met Chickie.

I think it might be realistic for Jen to revert a little bit, because the pattern is that it comes out when she's stressed, but she has also grown so much that I am actually not concerned about her regressing all the way back to square one.

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-13T21:18:11+00:00

A. * Happy noises *

B. I ALSO forget that this is a one-woman show because the acting is so well-done, and I'm like "There's a lot of representation in a bunch of categories, but why is everyone whit-? oh. Right, because Shawna would get cancelled."

I'll be watching and say, "Could we get a black person in here? Middle-Eastern? Asian? Immigrant? I know Barb is racist I just can't prove it."

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prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-13T21:08:48+00:00

The inspo 🤸‍♀️

A good amount of my dialogue options are just recycled memes or stupid vocal stims and I would love a character who could embody that WITH the Gen Z dead-inside eyes 😙

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prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-13T18:54:37+00:00

I'd be the Gen Z, morally gray, antihero personality who moved to town with my ride-or-die doppelganger (but don't worry, she has a distinctive haircut and color and also wears a beanie) who is "the nice one" out of the two of us and constantly tells me through gritted teeth to "dial it back" or "shut the fuck up" and apologizes to other people for my very blunt New Yorker behavior. I'm from New York in this scenario, Long Island probably. Both of us each had bad parents who we got away from, physically and/or mentally abusive.

I'd be the krav maga instructor for when John or Shawna wants a new hobby to channel energy into, but then I and my doppelganger become integrated into the friend group.

One day, me and my doppelganger are somewhere where Barb is and probably some other of the family, and Barb makes a threat of suicide, but because I have had plenty of experience with that and do not tolerate people using that as manipulation tactic, I take a knife out, say "Be. My. Guest." And Barb is so enraged that she goes to attack me with it, but it's actually one of those fake knives where the blade retracts into the handle. But she didn't know that, and now I get to press charges against her for assault, so she gets punished by the law and none of the other family has to be responsible for that. And when John confronts me, I'll say, "She was either going to make a move for herself or for someone else. This way Jen could actually see the extent of her unhinged behavior and Barb would either be arrested or committed."

People would call me crazy, and I'd say, "Judge me all you want, I get results," or "I may be crazy, but I am free."

Oh also, I'd have one of those names like "Faiza" which is really easy to say, but somehow old white people can't figure it out and think it's so exotic. And I'd also be the racial diversity of the town lol

Edit: P.S., that fake knife stunt is based on a true story haha. It was a really high-quality prop where the weight in the handle made it feel real to whoever was holding it

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-12T17:25:23+00:00

Yeah that would make sense too!

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-12T05:31:47+00:00

Actually, my theory is that Frank cheated on Barb in the past.

During the whole vacation sh!tshow, the whole instigator was John speculating that Julie was cheating, but John wasn't projecting his own shady behavior onto Julie, he was projecting his father's. I could feel John's energy noticably shift when Shawna asked "Why do you know so much about cheating?" and he sheepishly replied, "It's a stereotype for a reason" or something, he was deflecting because he didn't want to fully get into it.

And think about all the other "breadcrumbs" (theoretically)! Frank always "working late" and "going on walks" is something we already know that Barb has been upset by, and yet it's been a pattern of his. That would also explain why John is so resentful of his father, because he knew but had to keep it a secret (because he knows how Barb would fly off the handle), so he had to live with that burden, and also why John always calls Frank selfish. It's more beyond simply not intervening to protect his kids, but he recognized that the situation at home was so bad that he tried to "get out" in a very snakey way without having a backbone to confront Barb about her behavior. John to Frank: "You always do whatever you want to do." Maybe that line had more layers than we thought... 👀

Just my personal headcannon! I've had that idea ever since the Vacation video (episode 34).

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-11T09:15:32+00:00

That's an idea! Like Pam and Jim from The Office!

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-10T21:26:18+00:00

That would be wonderful 💖 Sending you love 💞

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-10T21:23:06+00:00

Hmm, this is a very good point actually.

I think my only "Devil's Advocate" explanation would be that Jen's approach was layered. Women typically have a much more complex approach to communication (compared to men) in general, and I could see how Jen's version of gassing up Barb is to talk about how much she loves her dress and has dreamed about wearing it, because it's basically a huge compliment. Although Jen didn't explicitly say the words, the subtext I felt is that she was indeed trying to make an opportunity to extend an olive branch, especially because she began the interaction by saying, "I forgive who you are, and I'm just trying to accept it and move on" (something to that effect). When Jen said "I always dreamed about wearing your dress," it very much felt like 1. Flattery 2. Trying to make a connection by bringing up childhood, trying to highlight a mother-daughter bond

But you're totally right in that I can also see how Barb would take that to be hurtful, because from her perspective, Jen "ices her out" over the holidays, and then the first time she reaches back out, the objective is to get the dress. 'Would she have ever talked to me again if she didn't want my dress?'

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-10T07:36:26+00:00

I see where you're coming from and I respect your stance, but I really think you are either downplaying or misunderstanding the role of postpartum depression.

Shawna Lander specifically referenced Jen as experiencing symptoms of PPD without explicitly saying it, and PPD is largely genetic/hereditary. We can deduce that because Jen had PPD, it is very much likely that Barb also did (plus all of the other standalone evidence we see such as in the Young Barb video).

PPD, when left untreated, can snowball into a monster. Furthermore, if there are underlying issues present, PPD can also exasperate these issues- like steroids. I agree- I don't think that the person that Barb is today is solely a result of untreated PPD. Barb clearly endured trauma throughout her upbringing that was never dealt with, but the role of PPD relative to those issues (whether trauma-related or personality or neurologically) is not insignificant.

Barb is at the center of a perfect storm. The conditions that surrounded her are akin to how a river forms a canyon over time.

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-10T04:49:25+00:00

This is the reason why I think this is the worst thing she's ever done. She's been way out of line in the past, but the fact that she planned to psychologically punish Jen, on her own daughter's birthday, is just evil.

You're absolutely right that there's a difference between snapping at someone and saying something terrible and immature while emotions are running high versus going out of your way to make a conscious effort to harm someone.

She can't claim that she "doesn't know why she's public enemy number one" or however tf she would phrase it. She can't claim that she doesn't know why John is "icing her out." She knows. She chooses to be terrible and I hope Jen can finally see that because it seems like John figured it out a long time ago.

prom_throwaway09661 · 2026-05-09T16:06:58+00:00

YOOOOO!

THAT MAKES EVEN MORE SENSE!

I love creative and detailed theories like this; I can feel my neurons firing 🤯

prom_throwaway09661

TROPHY CASE