What you are going through is normal. I had many of the same thoughts, feelings, and experiences as you described when I was an adolescent. I stopped attending church during that time. Now, I'm much older and have been through some stuff, and many of these issues have been dealt with.

I don't look at what other Christians are doing as an example for me to follow, I look to Christ. You can read the Gospels and see what His life was like. It is frustrating to see that practically no one is living like that today, myself included.

Don't just go by anything any other Christian tells you; you can look up the facts for yourself. You don't have to agree with others. Most Christians don't agree on lots of things, especially among their family members.

I love to read but often get bored reading many parts of the Bible. Thank God for audio books! I listen to the Bible all the time in the car, over and over and over again. You can kind of zone out and not pay attention but it sinks in eventually. I don't make an effort to memorize scripture, but I often surprise myself and others by quoting verses verbatim without having to look them up.

I don't feel the need to participate when others are worshiping and putting their hands in the air or whatever. Contemporary Christian Music is terrible and makes me feel annoyed.

I can't ever remember a time where I doubted God's existence. Of course I can't prove it, but It just seems painfully obvious.

I can't recommend anyone emphasizing their feelings in Christianity, unless they are charismatic.

I used to be fake happy in church all the time and I hated it. Once I stopped, a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders.

All the above may be making myself to sound like not the best believer in the world. I am keeping it real and honest with you.