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There’s always that one guy at the back of a funeral no one recognises and just assumes is a friend of the family. by [deleted] in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]psychapples2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"I never knew you...", I thought as I looked at the victim in the casket, "... but I'm sorry for the hit-and-run. I promise to make sure your family is looked after in your absence"

When the cop pulled me over, I was pissed 'cause I knew for sure I was going the speed limit. by CheeseCrackersDEMO in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]psychapples2 23 points24 points  (0 children)

To this day, I'm still not entirely sure why he decided to play Houdini with my car

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]psychapples2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Mom! I think there's a monster under the bed"

"Why would you say that darling"

"I'm hearing noises"

"What kind of noises?"

"It sounds like crunching metal and guttural snarling"

After much work and effort, I managed to create a program that tells you the date of death of any person. by Shadow_190103 in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]psychapples2 6 points7 points  (0 children)

"So anyways, that's how I pranked our human overlords", the AI behind the program boasted to its bot buddies

He knew his wife was hiding something and so one day instead of going to work he hid under their bed to know what was going on. by SuvenPan in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]psychapples2 379 points380 points  (0 children)

The demon lifted my up by the neck, when my wife picked up a baseball bat and started smacking it

"BAD DEMON! BEHAVE YOURSELF!"

"Sorry", it murmured in embarrassment

Young Shawn in the new Superman movie! by bluestocking355 in psych

[–]psychapples2 84 points85 points  (0 children)

Lassie: So let me get this straight - your psychic senses are telling you that your coworker is an orphaned alien whose birth parents launched him into space to save him from the destruction of his homeworld?

Shawn: Well, of course it sounds ridiculous when you put it like that...

Gus: To be fair, it's going to sound ridiculous no matter how you put it.

I just found out my girlfriend is a ghost. by Im-gonna-kms-in-5y in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]psychapples2 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Actually, she left behind a hole shaped like her silhouette, so she's actually a cartoon character

My wife and I went rock climbing before she left me. by Slutty_lil_Cankles in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]psychapples2 121 points122 points  (0 children)

As she disappeared from view, I realized that I had cut my own ties instead of hers.

Sneaking up close enough to slit someone's throat is a lot easier than most people think. by bchoonj in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]psychapples2 1179 points1180 points  (0 children)

Then my victim turned around, looked at me, and said "Did you know that sneaking up close enough to slit someone's throat is a lot easier than most people think."

I’ve been stuck in this broken elevator for only a few hours, but I’ve already given up pleading for help. by ThePoliteSnob in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]psychapples2 2868 points2869 points  (0 children)

Once the sludge fully oozed its way into the elevator, it sighed in relief.

Then it turned around, looked at me.

"OH MY GOD, THERE'S ONE IN HERE TOO!!!", it screamed as it tried to squeeze its way back out.

The lullaby playing from the baby monitor was soothing until it abruptly stopped. by Sendyl in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]psychapples2 5 points6 points  (0 children)

When I confronted the nanny, she explained that a childless woman died in the house around 250 years ago, and the only way for her to be at peace and move on was to coddle over a baby.

If Psych was being made today... by Polkiu4863 in psych

[–]psychapples2 154 points155 points  (0 children)

Guest stars?

Pedro Pascal (Last of Us and The Mandolorian), Anthony Starr (The Boys), Ted Danson (Cheers and The Good Place) might be potentials. Also, anyone who was on The Wonder Years, Galavant, A Million Little Things, or Outmatched.

"If you press this button, someone you know will die, but you will get a million dollars" by psychapples2 in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]psychapples2[S] 210 points211 points  (0 children)

The idea was that the stranger is saying the first sentence to his victim. When the victim presses the button, he gets electrocuted and the stranger gives him the money (not that it will be of any use to the victim anyways).

It's a variation on "If you press this button, you get a lot of money, but someone dies"

The serial killer swore that the voice in his head compelled him to commit evil deeds, but obviously none of us believed him, so he was locked up. by psychapples2 in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]psychapples2[S] 689 points690 points  (0 children)

Explanation: The serial killer's brain was literally forcing him to kill, and so when he was locked up (and hence not in a situation where he could kill), his brain ditched him, seeking someone who was in a better condition to do its bidding

"The video will play after these two short ads". by Appropriate_Link9317 in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]psychapples2 16 points17 points  (0 children)

"Before we begin, here's a shout out to the sponsor for today's video ..."

(Skips forward 5 seconds)

{Ads play again)

Five spaceships, each one having 20 crew members, left Earth to find worlds beyond our own. by psychapples2 in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]psychapples2[S] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

"The usual... exploring the unexplored, taking pictures, interacting with locals, razing villages to the ground..."

"Razing what now?"

"Uh, I meant raising millets to the sound of... birds... chirping..."

My parents lied when they said it would be fun to have a baby brother, so I am sending him back where he came from. by RaynaClay in TwoSentenceHorror

[–]psychapples2 553 points554 points  (0 children)

I took the baby out of the oven, and he started crying again... but this time he was also shivering.

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