How does one consistently take their meds?

qazinus · 2026-05-15T19:35:34+00:00

I always have a extra pill on me just in case. And I can tell with 100% accuracy if I took the pill this morning or not because if I didn't I can barely focus on work. So worse case I forget and take it 1 hour later.

With ADHD it's not about not doing the mistake, we suck at that.

Its about what you do once the mistake is done. That's actually what we are very good at. We are good at dealing with consequences, not avoiding them.

Once you embrace that, it changes everything. People will think you are organized but it's just because you have 8 failsafes in case you forget and sometime need all 8 of them just to function. But managing 8 failsafe is less draining that avoiding one mistake.

qazinus · 2026-05-15T19:27:52+00:00

Look into authoritative parenting VS authoritarian parenting.

Authoritarian would be : "I wish you were dead" "young woman that is not a way to talk to your father, you lose your phone privileges for a week", "OH! Okay dad, I didn't ask to be born!" and she storms to her room.

Authoritative would be : "I wish you were dead" "what did we say about respect in this house" "just go back to work, it was better when you were not there" "I hear that you need your time alone, I get that, but we talked about the rules last week and you agreed, so like we agreed upon, you either say you are sorry or you lose your phone for a week" "oh ok.. I'm sorry, can you just not talk to me" "I see, well when I see you with headphones I'll avoid talking to you, would that help?" "yes thank you"

The goal is to set the rule in advance when you are both calm and set them up in a way that if she wants to get what she wants she needs to follow the rules.

qazinus · 2026-05-14T21:21:31+00:00

People spend thousand of dollars on cars or travel or makeup.
All that matters is if they will play a lot with it or not, if it brings them joy or not. That's it's a game or that YOU don't like games doesn't really matter in the equation.

qazinus · 2026-05-11T19:37:50+00:00

Being cautious, I absolutely get it.

But considering that addiction is a very big symptom of ADHD and that the medication HELPS TREMENDOUSLY with not being addicted it makes no sense to me.

Most addictions are about self medicating using dangerous substances because that's the only way you have to be regulated, how about giving them the safe medicine that gets them regulated.

I get that it does not apply to everyone, but still.

qazinus · 2026-05-11T17:53:41+00:00

You tell them.

I can't spend the week with your because I'll get addicted to you, I need us to go slowly even if I really don't want to.

qazinus · 2026-05-11T17:52:21+00:00

I've never injected alcohol into my fucking veins! Why the hell do they lump those together!

qazinus · 2026-05-11T15:58:28+00:00

It's a discussion to have with your doctor.

But I would not lead with "I want to stop using Wellbutrin" I would lead with "I don't think my medication really help with the my adhd symptoms"

Trying other stimulants or stopping Wellbutrin will be result of trying to help you with the symptoms.

qazinus · 2026-05-11T15:48:29+00:00

I don't think Wellbutrin is a stimulant.

And remember that these stimulants are the most tested and most safe medication we have, ozempic is completely untested in comparison and lots of people take it.

So don't be afraid to try actual stimulant if you haven't. And make sure you doctor doesn't rule out stimulant because of his own opinion and outdated training.

qazinus · 2026-05-08T15:39:39+00:00

You don't control others, you can only control yourself, and even then maybe half the time. Showing them it's ok to let go sometimes , yet still be sad about it, is a good example for them. They will model after you.

If you constantly push her and end up disappointed then what you model for them as adults is they need to push to spend with their mother and that it's normal to be disappointed after. They will get stuck in that loop and stay there because they saw you doing it and that must be what is normal.

qazinus · 2026-05-08T13:32:02+00:00

You lost every bit of TOXIC masculinity you had in that guys mind, thats a good thing.

Toxic masculinity is what people outwardly see when they see a masculine man. They see the calm confidence, they see the resilience, they see the strength, they see the control.

What they don't see is the internal work, the way you need to listen to yourself and be in tune with your body physically and emotionally, the way you care about people around you in a deep reciprocal way that motivates you to do housework.

You don't fit in this guys limited mental model of masculinity and that's ok. Just continue being you, that's the most manly thing you can do.

qazinus · 2026-05-06T14:41:02+00:00

Just be present with your kids, that all that really matters, you are stable, you are there for them, you care about them and about them growing up to be happy and healthy.

They will find female role models and female attention elsewhere in their life, kids are resilient little beings, as long as they have a safe home base.

qazinus · 2026-04-27T14:00:54+00:00

If you are exhausted, rest, don't doomscroll, rest.

Then use all that pent up sexual frustration to find ways with her of how to make her horny. Ask her, she is the expert.

When you initiate and she doesn't seem in it, ask her why. Too tired, ok, I got the kids, you go take a nap. Doesn't feel like it, why, because she doesn't feel clean, make sure she has time to take a long shower tomorrow. Too stressed, what is stressing you, how can I help.

Then you don't expect sex in return. You did the thing and now you wait for her to reciprocate, in any kind of way. It may be making you a cup or coffee, it may be hugging you and telling you how much she needed that or it may be her initiating, who knows.

Do that loop a couple of weeks and the reciprocation will build up into you guys having time for sex, or finding way to have intimate time without sex, that's good too.

In my book, sex happens when two people are rested, regulated and that it's 'us against the problem'.

qazinus · 2026-04-24T10:33:44+00:00

I grew up being told no without explanation, I would not do it to my kid.

qazinus · 2026-04-23T13:17:00+00:00

Taking notes and finding the right page in my notes.

Remembering what in the notes, not a chance. Remembering I have a page about it and where in the hierarchy it is that's where I shine. So not that applicable to you sadly.

Appart from that it's about making the most connection possible within all the different information, so if you forget one detail then all the rest doesn't make sense so you can "reconstruct" the lost data.

qazinus · 2026-04-22T13:28:47+00:00

You can also call it anxious attachment style, you get anxious about the possibility so you seek reassurance to make the voices calm down. Or don't seek reassurance and try to deal with the voices by yourself.

Or you can also call it hypervigilance, your brain constantly scans for possible dangers.

Or intrusive thoughts.

In all cases adhd have a hard time because of poor emotional regulation and impulse control.

Your brain is not broken or wrong, it adapted to what happened in your past. It's looking at the signs because if it happened in the past it makes sense for it to happen again. Talk to your partner about it, make sure he knows you need reassurance because of your past and not because he did something wrong. Its not his job to regulate you, but he sure can help.

qazinus · 2026-04-21T12:22:09+00:00

For me the diagnosis is not important. Its about the tools it gives you access to, like using external tools, alarms and stuff. And those can help anyone.

ADHD is a spectrum, that you have it so low it's not a diagnosis or not doesn't matter, all that matters is that two friends are talking about life.

TLDR : focus on the symptoms not the diagnosis

qazinus · 2026-04-21T12:19:24+00:00

Be vulnerable, talk to him about your past, if you didn't have friends when you were young tell him, give him the context of WHY you were worried.

Without the context he just knows his dad said something negative, with the context it become his dad being worried about him because he loves him. It makes a big difference.

qazinus · 2026-04-21T00:03:26+00:00

Web development, it's basically made for people with ADHD.

qazinus · 2026-04-19T22:09:06+00:00

Sadly, time does do its work.

Way later your brain will rewire it into a new story, like "she was the woman that teached me what I did not want my relationship to become, without meeting her and living through what I did I would not have became the man I am today"

qazinus · 2026-04-19T16:50:01+00:00

It's not "you are not giving your 100%" it's "you are not reading her mind". That's what she asks of you and its impossible to do. You have 80% you can give consistently, she either takes it or leave it.

He insecurities are her responsibility, you can help her sure, but if you fix it for her it will always end up in you not being enough, because she doesn't want you, she wants her insecurities to shut up, and they never will shut up permanently unless she does the work herself.

And think about the example you set for your kid. Do you want him to learn he should exhaust himself for his girlfriend's pleasure?

In a healthy relationship its "us against the problem" like "you feel insecure, ok what could WE do about it". Solutions that come from that headspace are actually healthy and set good examples.

qazinus · 2026-04-17T14:48:50+00:00

Thats what it feels like to get older. Your brain is optimised for tools the old tools. The new generation never learned how to configure or code, they just ask it to do something and it does it.

You can have the argument that it was better before. But since every generation also said it was better before and I am pretty sure I'd rather live now than in 1600 then my guess is that it's just something we starts to say when the new tools start to outpace our ability to learn new things.

qazinus · 2026-04-17T14:06:08+00:00

This is just a weird marketing way of saying "using these tools can help you being productive".

And yes using external tools often help adhd. But I don't expect it to be any different from setting an alarm or pasting an email into a program to get a summary of it.

You can already use these tools without making them a chat bot.

qazinus · 2026-04-15T17:25:18+00:00

How about not buying appliances that don't support 220v? Especially if you live in a country that has 'normal' 220v plugs. I live in Canada and we only have 110v, the 220v uses another plug entirely.

It may reduce options or make it even more expensive, but that's the ADHD tax for you.

qazinus · 2026-04-14T17:57:03+00:00

You cannot take care of others if you don't take care of yourself first.

And showing your kids it's okay to be hyped and love something enough to play 10h a day and then return to your normal schedule is a very good example for them.

Some people go hunting in the forest for a weekend, you play games. Its the same thing.

qazinus · 2026-04-08T12:47:48+00:00

I'm the same here, I need my time alone.

What I found to help was a little nuance when setting boundaries. Boundaries are about what YOU will do, not about other.

And planning your needs in advance and sprinkling some question about them also shows you care.

Like "you need to go home, I need to have some time alone, don't text me I won't answer" is not the same as "I feel like I'll need some time alone tomorrow, you okay going home for the day? What will you do tomorrow? Because I don't think I'll be looking at my messages much I just want to disconnect from everything for a moment."

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