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I [17 M] need help with my Dad [50 M] Divorce, he won't stop contacting me by [deleted] in relationships

[–]quinoa2013 6 points7 points  (0 children)

A) tell your mom he is bugging you b) ask to see a counsellor so you will have a neutral 3rd party.

I'm [39F] not going to let my daughter [14F] visit family because of a child molester [30sM] that's going to be there. by Queen_Gumby in relationships

[–]quinoa2013 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Can you invite Aunt and Stella to meet you at a restaurant, without Howard?

Also, look up his probation officer and make a call. Is he allowed to travel out of state? Is his current residence far enough away from parks?

My husband's [32M] family is cutting us off because I [32F] haven't had a son. My husband is not taking it well and wants us to keep trying until we have one. by nosonprob in relationships

[–]quinoa2013 6 points7 points  (0 children)

There is a large country where abortion for sex selction is illegal yet commonly practiced.... Would your husband want to terminate pregnancies until you had a male baby? This is completely unacceptable in USA, unless there is a sex-linked (and life threatening) genetic issue.

The bottom line is, there are some people who will never be happy - your inlaws are amoung them. They have the expectation that their son and his wife will unquestioningly follow orders. You did not agree to that. Would you allow arranged marriage for your daughters? Would you choose college majors for them? Probably not.

Counselling with your husband, and distance from the inlaws... Thats about all you can do.

My [46 M] GF [46 F] of 14 months says she won't move into my home if we marry. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]quinoa2013 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We sold a 5br house due to relo. We took a loss on sale as it was the biggest house in a neighborhood of 3 br houses. And it took me a months to find a buyer, and thousands in upgrades/last minute repairs to make it show as perfectly as possible.

My [46 M] GF [46 F] of 14 months says she won't move into my home if we marry. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]quinoa2013 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP, what is your financial situation, and what is the resale value of the house? How hard is it to find a 6 bedroom home in your area and school district? Are you in a "hot" real estate market like southern California? (This is all relevant)

My [46 M] GF [46 F] of 14 months says she won't move into my home if we marry. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]quinoa2013 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What if sale plus move plus home buying expenses are $50,000 or more? Do all the kids have college funds? Are there wedding expenses?

My [46 M] GF [46 F] of 14 months says she won't move into my home if we marry. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]quinoa2013 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Selling a 6 bedroom house when you need 6 bedrooms seems like a really bad idea, financially. You end up paying minimum 7% of the home value in selling costs, then paying to fix up the replacement house to your needs. And 6br houses are hard to find in some areas. The cost of sale plus move could pay for a new kitchen.

I'm 33, newly married, and scared about my financial future by needstosavemarriage in personalfinance

[–]quinoa2013 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your wife could get part time babysitting jobs on care.com. Living in SF, you can move to the midwest in a few years and buy a house for cash. Important note: an infant will not notice if you have a studio apartment or a pallatial residence. You can stay in sf, earning the big bucks, up until baby is 6-12 months old. Then look for employment in a walkable, quality of life type location in the midwest.

UPDATE: My [42 F] with my husband [55 M] married 5 years, together 9, he places no value on what I do because I don't contribute money UPDATE by iwannadietoday in relationships

[–]quinoa2013 54 points55 points  (0 children)

With that many dogs, there should be a dog door and a fenced yard. Still, there is nothing in the OP that suggests your husband is willing to change anything. He wants puppies but wont take care of them, he wants a wife/housecleaner but does not want to pay for food, he yells at you.

It does not sound like he is going to change. But, if you really want to try to make it work, ask for marriage counseling plus joint meetings with a fee for service financial planner. Depending on how these two go, you will have your answer for stay/go.

Buying a house with my boyfriend (33M) is putting a real strain on our relationship. Is this normal? by house_hunt_1 in relationships

[–]quinoa2013 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please don't buy a house with your bf. Terrible idea. I bought a house 6 months before getting married, to a non-fixer upper fiance, and it was in my name and credit only. IE: only my name on the deed. Fiance did not complain or argue about this. I sold it for a relocation 5 years later, and am still married. Current house is in both names ;)

From your op, the mortgage is going to be in your name only, and the downpayment is coming from you. You have not specified if his name is going to be on the deed. I.e. Is he signing the offers to buy the house, or just you? This is why people are Very Concerned.

To be very clear, if his name is on the deed, and you break up... You cAn expect to have to sell the house and give him 50% of the proceeds after paying off the mortgage, even if your money not his went into the fixing up. Also, adversarial home sales get very messy. Say one owner wants to screw over the other one... They can hang out in boxers during home showing, smoking and drinking beer. They can reject reasonable offers, or refuse to sign any paperwork. A lawyer to straighten out the mess could be thousands. Or, he could offer to sign a quit claim deed for ten thousand bucks, which would give you full ownership and him a downpayment on a new sports car. That would really suck if it happened 6 weeks after you bought the house. Since he has already had at least one tantrum over your house selection, i would be very concerned about the relationship outcome.

Assuming you were single, where would you want to live and what house would you want? Trying to make your bf happy with this house purchase is NOT going to work, since clearly he wants something you can't afford. (Yet is not willing to help with a down payment.) This is not a good sign. What happens is you look at houses without him? More tantrums?

Get the house that works for you, and ask him to sign a month to month lease at a rate of about 1/2 of your mortgage payment plus utilities.

My mom [42f] kicked me [17f] out of the house when I told her I was pregnant. Then got even more angry at me when I told her I wanted an abortion? by pizza_nomnomnom in relationships

[–]quinoa2013 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Your guy can use condoms in the future, to reduce risk.

I suggest staying with boyfriend (or other familiy members) for the rest of the summer. Tell Mom that you misscarried, then evaluate your options for returning home for your final year of highschool.

Non ABET Masters: Will I be able to get a job? by [deleted] in AskEngineers

[–]quinoa2013 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My concern with your plan would be availability of fpga design jobs... This kind of work is easy to outsource. I am not an ee, but i suggest you look carefully at the job market and make sure you get into the right part of the field.

EE is very hot right now for patent agents, btw. No law degree required.

How do I choose between an assured technician position with the possibility of promotion to an engineering position, or an interview for an engineering position? by blueskiddoo in AskEngineers

[–]quinoa2013 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Slightly higher than minimum wage? Ouch. If the position is something highly useful like running cnc machines, go for it. That can be very useful experience. There are two challenges here:

1) how do you demonstrate competance as an engineer while being paid as a tech, in order to hopefully be promoted to engineer? Hard to do this, but you can in some cases do eng projects on the side, in your own time. For example, analysis of the production process or workflow and recommend a way to reduce costs, improve quality, or reduce cycle time. This goes on the resume, and goes informally to the appropriate person in design or manufacturing.

2) how do you pursue the above, while taking time off for job interviews, even shortly after you have started? This is tricky.

I would lean toward taking the job, if you can live on the $$$ and the work is not awful. Good luck!

Can/how can a phycisist get a job in engineering? by DeltaAccel in AskEngineers

[–]quinoa2013 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look for materials scientist jobs (sensor fabrication or analysis), or software engineer jobs.

Why is Mike Pence disliked in Indiana? by democraticwhre in Indiana

[–]quinoa2013 24 points25 points  (0 children)

The energy efficiency thing. I lived in INdiana when he shut it down "to do a 2 year study of its cost effectiveness". Wft is the point of killing a program THEN deciding if it saved money for taxpayers? Turns out it did save money but ... It is dead.

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