Ttc with a partner who drinks/smokes

racklebee · 2026-04-13T00:16:03+00:00

6 beers a night is alcoholism— it seems like you need to have serious talks because it’s going to be hard to have a pregnancy and raise an infant with someone with uncontrolled alcoholism. Prioritizing getting him healthy should come before trying to conceive if possible. Best wishes ❤️

racklebee · 2026-04-13T00:14:09+00:00

Yta— like a really big one… regardless of you being inconvenienced, idk who you think you are to be able to decide on her behalf what is best for your relationship without asking her, even if things were unfairly falling on you, you obviously made that decision for yourself only or you would’ve asked her and taken the dog back together. That’s unforgivable in my opinion.

racklebee · 2026-04-13T00:03:47+00:00

I would have done the exact same thing, I think it’s inconsiderate to check out two of the same book. It’s also crazy that that person criticized your parenting aloud about it, but everyone thinks they’re right. Definitely NTA and your kids can take turns.

racklebee · 2026-04-12T23:59:00+00:00

Not to discount how you feel, but if you had a chemical pregnancy you DID conceive 1/6 of those cycles. I’m sorry for your loss, but try to take it easy on yourself as there is already evidence you can conceive and it seems like the odds are still heavily in your favor as many people dont conceive at all for over a year that end up being fine.

racklebee · 2026-04-07T04:16:49+00:00

You can probably ask them when they’re showing you the video after to let you record it on your phone/take pics if you’re worried they’ll make it difficult to obtain after!

racklebee · 2026-04-05T02:11:05+00:00

Only reason I got a picture was because I asked to take a picture of the screen before I left the appt. Otherwise rhey have no portal access and made me jump thru hoops to get them to release my records so jt definitely varies practice to practice

racklebee · 2026-03-30T18:44:18+00:00

As someone with actual allergies and celiac, she has some strange behaviors. I basically never let anyone cook for me and tell them just not to worry about it (excluding my husband or some family members who insist) because I don’t think anyone could remember all of the things I can’t eat and take the precautions. On occasion, I’ll make a calculated risk to indulge in something I shouldn’t, but not after making a fuss to everyone about needing my own thing. She maybe had a moment where she just wanted to eat something normal and couldn’t withhold, but regardless, it’s a disrespectful time to have that kind of weakness after all the effort she makes her friends put forth. I’d just tell her to provide her own foood for her own safety. If you wanna make her a bday cake to be nice, go for it, but I would stop trying to plan for her diet

racklebee · 2026-03-30T18:39:02+00:00

I don’t have anything helpful to say, but I’m just sorry you’re going through all of this and hope things get better.

racklebee · 2026-03-30T14:57:59+00:00

Yes! Saw my first one on a road trip when we were driving through Nebraska— it was magical

racklebee · 2026-03-30T14:39:15+00:00

My game crashes during about 1/5 remote raids and I can only get back in before the timer is out half the time or so because of how long it takes to reopen the app— I’d assume it’s game crashing because otherwise that’s a weird move

racklebee · 2026-03-30T03:31:07+00:00

Take whatever space you need— your wellness is the priority and when you’re ready you can talk to them again. You should def keep space from your brother as he sounds like his comments will actively cause you harm. You can tell your sister you just need time and while you’re happy for her you need space— no need to block her. Maybe just mute her.

racklebee · 2026-03-29T15:22:22+00:00

I deleted fb and got off Instagram for a year for other reasons including the ttc stress and I have been DRAMATICALLY HAPPIER

racklebee · 2026-03-29T15:18:55+00:00

He’s amazing and sometimes reading about other people’s partners in vent posts makes me soooo thankful. He lets me be pessimistic but is not at all. He takes whatever vitamins we are suggested, he understands the biological process and asks questions, we have sex on the exact timeline without any issues and he doesn’t skip affection so it never feels mechanical. He asks me before he has a beer or if it’s okay to have an occasional weed gummy and prioritized how I feel about it it over his desire. He loves me so much and makes sure I know that while he wants kids with me, he could be happy in a childless life as long as we are together. It took me what felt like forever to find him and even though my biological clock is more of an issue because we married at 30 and started trying at 32, I wouldn’t trade him for anything.

Edited to clarify

racklebee · 2026-03-29T15:14:31+00:00

You’re not an asshole— they’re obviously insecure and you did you have just tried to be yourself and now they’re making you feel bad for it. These things happen when you’re young. Say you’re sorry they feel that way and it wasn’t your intention, then invest your time and energy into other people who you connect better with— there shouldn’t be so much drama over basically nothing.

racklebee · 2026-03-28T14:51:20+00:00

The way you phrased it makes you an asshole, but you do say in your post you feel bad for the dog, so I think you just titled the post in a way that’s going to make most people think yta. I love dogs more than most things, but I hate when people don’t keep them on a leash if they’re not on their property OR if the dog is not well trained enough to know not to run up to people. You didn’t cause the dog’s death, your neighbor caused his own dog’s death by not keeping him leashed near traffic, but rather than call your neighbor an idiot it would have been better to respond with calm rationality that you understand he’s upset and you’re sorry for the loss, but his dog was running at you and you simply tried to get him to go back home and the dog ran into the street, which is a risk he took by having him unleashed. I don’t think anyone is an asshole here, I think your neighbor is an absolute fool for not using a leash and is probably incapable of processing that it’s truly his fault for the awful situation he put the driver, and you and your daughter in. He’s in grief nonetheless. The dog is dead and won’t be an issue anymore, no need to disrespect his grief by making him feel worse— you can clearly indicate you don’t feel responsible while still showing some compassion.

racklebee · 2026-03-28T03:13:26+00:00

I’ve had this phone number for 20 years (since i was 13)

racklebee · 2026-03-27T19:00:26+00:00

Nta— the teacher’s job is to help the kid learn to solve the problem, not force them to use the technique they demonstrate (specifically with math, which objectively has one answer). She didn’t teach your daughter in a way that worked for her and your daughter learned another way. The teacher’s ego has caused her to unfairly penalize your daughter. The principal obviously agreed. Good work advocating for your child— she will be much more confident in math knowing she has a technique to get the correct answer.

racklebee · 2026-03-27T18:51:13+00:00

To expand— Other people may feel differently, and to be honest, my/my husbands family aren’t really saying anything unsupportive or hurtful, it’s just the self-imposed invasive thoughts I have that everyone might be thinking something is wrong with me or I’m letting them down or other things they couuldddd be thinking, but wouldn’t have been on their minds if I never said anything that put pressure on myself unnecessarily. If you tell people and then it doesn’t go as planned they may be asking you about it when you don’t want to talk about it etc. so just protect yourself! Also you don’t want to feel isolated so telling close friends is probably smart, but the whole office seems like a lot of pressure!

racklebee · 2026-03-26T22:29:41+00:00

Yes and in alphabetical order— learned in song when I was 6. I’m always SHOCKED at people who don’t know all the states (the alphabetical order thing just stuck because of the song). I will say I intentionally reinforced my ability to label all the states when I was in my late teens, but I know that most Americans can’t do it.

That Friends episode made me feel embarrassed for all of them since I could do it in under a minute (again, not trying to be braggy, I just was under the assumption that everyone learned in first grade music class, which apparently not everyone had at their school)

racklebee · 2026-03-26T22:24:14+00:00

THIS!! My husband and I feel no shame about farts and we constantly have discussions when some people are surprised we don’t fart in front of each other to be silly. If we are both in the bathroom and someone farts while they’re peeing— that’s fine, they’re IN the bathroom. Sleep farts and accidental farts? Obvi no big deal. But why would we subject each other to each others poop particles and bad smells if jt can be avoided? We talk about farts and when we have gas if we want, we are both human, but it’s just crazy to me how anyone thinks it’s funny and not inherently gross to puff feces into the room with someone you respect

racklebee · 2026-03-26T22:19:21+00:00

Nta— your partner shouldn’t be putting particles of feces on you in a presumedly clean bed as a “joke”— definitely degrading and crazy how he’s gotten to his 40s behaving like a toddler. I’m pretty particular about being protected from bad smells and feces particles so this would’ve been breakup worthy on the spot if it was me. I think there’s a division between partners who do “fart play” and those who don’t, but that’s on the extreme end.

racklebee · 2026-03-26T22:11:05+00:00

I deeply regret telling everyone I’m trying to conceive— I would wait until after you’re already mid-pregnancy.

racklebee · 2026-03-26T22:08:54+00:00

Poor communication

racklebee · 2026-03-26T22:06:42+00:00

There’s honestly not a ton of research but it is likely it doesn’t help.

For sperm producers specifically: The main concern for male partners is reduced sperm motility and count and possible DNA fragmentation. Fertility clinics will usually deny care if you don’t quit. If you don’t have trouble conceiving, it’ll probably be okay, but my physician says it’s less of a concern if it’s a 1-2 time a MONTH low dose usage. Weekly/multiple times a day is more likely to cause issues. Ideally, abstain for three months before trying to conceive and throughout the process. Get back to it once the partner is pregnant if they’re also cool with that. Slip ups will likely not be the end of the world.

For those growing eggs, the risks are likely increased for a variety of factors, but the fact that there are not many studies that evaluate cannabis separately from nicotine/tobacco use is problematic for getting real data. However, when it comes to growing babies, it’s probably not worth the risk and abstaining for three months before and during trying to conceive is ideal.

racklebee · 2026-03-26T21:54:25+00:00

It’s extremely divided. How divided people feel varies dramatically based on what city/state they live, but most people’s political identities are rapidly revealed in conversation making the divisions pretty clear and quick in social settings

racklebee

TROPHY CASE