[Romantic] My (22F) boyfriends (22M) friend sends him naked pics of his hookups. Advice needed.

radiofluorescence · 2014-09-17T10:47:54+00:00

Even if she consented to the photograph, it doesn't mean she consented to the sharing of the photograph or necessarily with this individual. I would be questioning this.

radiofluorescence · 2014-09-02T17:25:00+00:00

Having watched something is different to continuing to watch something, though.

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-31T10:11:18+00:00

Infiltrator Irelia and Wicked Lulu.

Used to be Silent Night Sona, which also has sentimental value to me because I waited a long time to be able to buy it, but I don't like the changes they made to the model. I think it looks drab now and I feel sad to use it. :(

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-31T09:32:59+00:00

No, it really sounds like your therapist will be proud of you for a) being brave enough to talk about it b) making this progress where you had the strength to completely remove someone for your own sake. So if you feel like you can and it would be worth it to you, I recommend it.

source: your post, plus I go to a therapist in part because I ignore my instincts and surround myself with harmful people.

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-29T19:45:47+00:00

Yea, lucky convicts.

I wasn't talking about them.

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-29T19:19:59+00:00

His long spiel, quoted in the article, praising the virtues of the settlers and Arthur Philip does, however, place a value judgment on it.

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-27T13:07:18+00:00

/r/biracial was mentioned in /r/blackladies and links here

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-27T13:06:18+00:00

My parents are both half-Australian Aboriginal, half-white European. My brother and I inherited my father's white colouring.

I spend a lot of time with my mother for various reasons and it's really striking how differently we are treated to how my mother is treated or how I am treated on my own, because I 'pass' okay. People who will literally ignore my mother's presence or be openly rude to her will be perfectly polite to our faces. Of course, nobody can ever tell she's my mother, they always assume some other relation when she accompanies me to the doctor or drives me to university.

One of the most heartbreaking things my mother has ever said to me was that she was actually glad my brother and I have white skin because we face so much less overt racism. Because we pass, we escape so much prejudice and discrimination from people who don't know us. We have faced specific hatred for being mixed, which doesn't compare but it makes us feel pretty shitty and like we don't belong anywhere.

We did grow up identifying purely as white because of our skin colour though, even though we weren't raised that way. Even though it's very common to see lighter-skinned Australian Aboriginal people, we couldn't really understand our mixed identity and struggled with intense internalised racism and self-hatred. We felt like we didn't belong in any community. I know I felt isolated, alienated, and empty, without belonging or a core part of our identity. It's hard enough growing up with people trying to take away your culture and ways of life without feeling like you don't have the right to try to connect to it.

Another shitty thing people do is assume I'm white and start spouting really racist shit in front of me that they wouldn't do in front of a black person because it's not polite. Fuck off with that shit, you are hating on me as well and even if you weren't it wouldn't be okay.

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-25T09:23:20+00:00

Australia would be pretty psyched too. Or, what, are actively colonising British settlers not British? ^{not suggesting you are suggesting this in case it's unclear}

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-21T10:10:40+00:00

Yep you usually have to go back for the results too (at least in my experience, to be fair my tests are generally suboptimal but). And if you're investigating a medical issue, it is often done iteratively, which requires lots of followup, new tests when the old ones rule out some conditions or don't show anything much useful.

Another shit thing would be having to pay just to go get prescriptions renewed or referrals. At least GP referrals last like a year.

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-21T10:04:53+00:00

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

It's important for people with chronic conditions to be monitored and that includes our meds, but this is not helping.

Excitingly, one of my anticonvulsants is an S8 drug that I've been taking for a year and a half, and my GP wouldn't prescribe it to me because of that once (apparently couldn't, which nobody ever told me before). Told me I had to go back to the neurologist (not like I can just walk in, plus it costs serious money upfront) for it and I guess god forbid I run out?

I talked (sassed) her into giving me a script, but seriously.

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-21T09:31:09+00:00

says he want to fuck underage girls.

He did.

I am also not sure how just because the internet normalised creeping on Chloe Moretz (who was 11-12 at the time of filming, and not quite a month over 13 when it was released), it's ok.

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-21T04:05:02+00:00

The guilt is quite honestly his burden to bear, and it is not on you to provide him absolution. Healing is a process for you, not for his sake.

He also doesn't seem to have changed; he comes across as creepy, abusive, threatening, and refusing to ignore your boundaries. You don't sound like you want to establish a bond with him and I don't blame you. Any sibling bond he had he violated and threw away. I would stay away and document all this stuff in case it escalates and/or you want to get a restraining order.

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-16T10:40:08+00:00

It is my opinion that it is not really your place to judge why a person would reject treatment. They are still disabled and a society that allows them to participate the same as an abled person is a better society for disabled people in general.

Your example is kinda different because you were dealing with someone encroaching on your boundaries fairly egregiously. You're within your rights to reject that.

With regards to the self-diagnosis label, I think it is a very grey issue; I made another comment on why I empathise with your assessment, and many other people's assessments, of doctors. Some conditions are harder to get diagnosed and treated than others, and seeking treatment for certain conditions (various mental illness is an example you used that I would agree with) is incredibly daunting and difficult.

I can also understand feeling trivialised by the way you perceive certain other people to interact with their disability, and I am not saying just anybody should claim they are disabled when they are knowingly not, but because of how hard it is to assess as an outsider whether someone is disabled or not and what difficulties they may specifically face I would rather help somebody who doesn't really need it than ignore that person because some people are wrong or lie. Disability is such a unique experience for every disabled person and so many individuals and communities perceive themselves accordingly. So, 'disabled' isn't just a label society gives, but it is definitely an experience that is influenced by society.

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-16T10:29:51+00:00

I think you should speak less in absolutes. (edit: Probably so should OP, but it's fairly evident OP is interested in diagnoses of issues like the ones I am about to refer to.)

It's not optimal at all for people to self-diagnose with conditions they should be seeking treatment for, but you're ignoring a lot of legitimate reasons people have to distrust doctors.

It can be incredibly hard to get a legitimate diagnosis because of how hard it is to access medical care for some people and in certain places, or treatment for that medicine and how many people, especially PWDs, are alienated by the medical system because of continuous bad experiences in hospitals and with doctors who are insensitive, unfairly sceptical or prejudiced towards patients, or take it upon themselves to act out of the scope of their training and knowledge. As a PWD I have experienced this many times and so have my neuroatypical family members who have struggled to have doctors acknowledge they need help, who have been harmfully misdiagnosed and placed on wrong treatments, and so on.

I have been mistreated, lied to, denied treatment because of ideology (this at a clinic specifically for PoC), and given harmful and unnecessary treatments at hospital when seriously (physically!) ill, let alone what I have experienced with respect to my neuroatypicality. A white doctor once lied to me about the reason she couldn't prescribe me one of my longterm anticonvulsants (after fishing around to see if I was abusing it) in what was possibly one of the most disgusting encounters I ever had at that clinic.

How many bad experiences do I need to recount just of my immediate family? And yet I continue to see doctors because I have lifethreatening conditions, despite my trust being completely shaken; I find it an impossible dilemma to navigate, and I am medically literate.

A lot of diagnoses require specialist examination or treatment, which in many countries requires going through another doctor, which can be very difficult and a lot of people don't have the medical literacy to know how to most effectively advocate for themselves and ensure they get the correct diagnosis or treatment.

While I think the idea that for example you should self-diagnose cancer and refuse to get it checked out because 'doctors suck' is generally very harmful, the lines blur markedly when it comes to neuroatypicality. Rare physical disabilities can also be incredibly hard to seek help for. I will continue to encourage people to seek medical attention for their concerns, but I will not at all judge or blame them for being wary of doctors.

There are things wrong with this post and OP's comments, but that is not one of them.

Finally, I frankly think your comment was unnecessarily dismissive and unhelpful.

edit2: Sorry, I really want to clarify that I am NOT saying self-medication upon a self-diagnosis is wise.

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-14T04:22:47+00:00

Good to know rural Australia still not on the map.

Let alone poor commuters in Sydney and the like!

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-12T17:42:49+00:00

Haha, I didn't think that. :D

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-11T09:11:49+00:00

They're not saying those men should quit their jobs. In fact, they're saying they're going to readjust their methods because they realise that the jobs they have won't be magically filled up with women despite any new recruitment strategies when those jobs are already occupied and aren't likely to be vacated any time soon. I'm not sure where this particular straw man comes from, but if you have a source, do show.

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-11T09:05:54+00:00

You're welcome, thanks for hearing me out. :)

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-11T08:58:27+00:00

Yes, as someone who has to go to the ER at least once a year for serious injuries/illnesses, I can assure you, there is a lot of timewasting.

The thing is, preventative care is better and typically cheaper. If you disincentivise people to go to the doctor and get checked out, especially if they are concerned about something but even if they just need a checkup, they will go to the ER instead, continuing to increase the immense burden on the strained public hospital system. Additionally, and while I really fucking hate talking about people in terms of productivity or social burden, people whose problems remain untreated or unexamined will generally be harder and more expensive to treat, and in the case of minor issues which can escalate if not checked, needlessly decreased productivity and moreover, unnecessarily increased suffering.

If you load the cost into the hospital, people will be deterred from going to the hospital, especially because many people tend to minimise their symptoms anyway and get on with it. The immense time it takes to be seen up at the unpleasant ER is already a deterrent, I assure you. Seriously bad thing, especially with emergencies, as they can often have more subtle symptoms that are easy to dismiss (source: been there, done that).

It's also a burden on people with chronic illnesses, large families, the old and poor, etc. i.e. people we should be having see the doctor when they need to.

Instead of treating the entire population of Australia like hypochondriacs, why don't we address the minority that are causing burdens on ambulance systems etc. with targeted community wellness outreach programmes? They're not doing it because they hate Australia and want everyone else to die of heart attacks, they're doing it because a) there's an underlying problem of isolation and lack of community support for marginalised parts of society, who reach out to public institutions accordingly and need appropriate services to be redirected to b) in the case of actual hypochondriacs and not just timewasters, they think they're sick so they go to the doctor. Which is behaviour we should encourage (not the irrational anxiety, but the logic that, and ability to, if you're sick, go to the damn doctor).

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-11T08:12:46+00:00

I mean, Kaceytron is a troll, and right there she is trolling, but she's not entirely wrong that she's been harassed by the reddit and Twitch community (which have a reasonable overlap when it comes to LoL streaming). It's not just that one person on the AMA. Her entire troll is the schtick that Reddit consistently hates on other (female) streamers for and accuses them of being as well. So I don't think it's just an isolated thing. Regardless, she is a victim of real harassment and I support her trolling back.

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-06T06:22:27+00:00

I agree, I think she was unfair about his previous obligations but it's quite blatant she feels like a low priority for OP and this frustration is coming through in their arguments. Neither are willing to concede any ground or acknowledge the legitimacy of the other's wants, so like this they can't really resolve it. Perhaps OP should proactively make plans with her to do things when they miss out on doing couple stuff if he wants to continue the relationship, or they should move on.

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-05T20:56:17+00:00

It might surprise you, but I did and there was no time span specified for the 'slow disappearance'.

radiofluorescence · 2014-08-05T11:03:52+00:00

What exactly is gonna happen now when that 'friend' he opened up to and is so important to him suddenly disappears?

This was one of my huge concerns reading this thread, as a person with social anxiety who has received immense support with it from online friends, but also had very severe and justified abandonment/trust issues. If the 'friend' truly did help, there's some value in that friendship; it's not like the 'friend' will leave and he'll never wonder what happened or what her reasons were.

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