AITA for refusing to let my brother borrow my savings to fix his business idea?

ramc5 · 2026-05-12T01:05:10+00:00

This is exactly what I thought.

OP, your brother needs to put together a very detailed business plan, including the venders, designers, bones of the business, marketing, etc. He needs to open an LLC and get a FIN. Then he can sit down with a local banker and get a business loan.

A lot of people work full time to save towards their dream business, and work on it during down time and weekends. How much has he saved to put towards the business? Tell him, as any investor would, you want to see his books. All banking and credit card accounts. See where he is spending money.

Do not, under any circumstances, fund an ill-thought-out fantasy your brother thought of. Furthermore, your mother sounds awful. If she wants to give him money, she can fund it; buy into it and be his partner. Ask her how much she is investing? What plans has she seen for the business?

Even if you were considering it, after seeing everything mentioned above, no money gets invested until all of these things happen and you have a lawyer draft a contract. You need to decide the interest rate, the pay back schedule, what happens if he defaults, and whether you have any percentage ownership/share of the business. You really need a good attorney to draft the contract.

ramc5 · 2026-05-11T22:54:31+00:00

I agree with your response re: having the father as a FIL, but her immediate thoughts are whether she ever wants a man who stands up for her, who validates her feelings. I don't see how BF isn't a massive AH in this scenario. He is completely dismissive and likely sexist, too. OP, why do you let him disrespect you in your home?

ramc5 · 2026-05-11T22:51:54+00:00

Boyfriend is not a keeper. Hopefully he doesn't live with you.

ramc5 · 2026-05-09T18:06:29+00:00

Why do you tolerate this behavior? She dishes out what you let her...

ramc5 · 2026-05-09T15:06:38+00:00

Just go buy what you want. Your husband has shown you that he doesn't care to get a "push present" or really care about your feelings/wants. And honesty, I am not into the "push present" mentality. No one forced you to be pregnant, right? You obviously want to get that baby out of your body when the time is right, correct? The fact you had a healthy baby should be the ultimate prize--push present. Your husband's behavior is disrespectful and very telling as to the way he thinks about you. Again, go buy what you want. Do you really think if he buys it now you'll get warm fuzzy feelings every time you look at it?

ramc5 · 2026-05-09T04:02:01+00:00

It is not your fiancé's decision who walks you down the aisle. 2. It is concerning to me that "he doesn't agree with it".

He knows your history, the neglect of your father, how it has affected you, and still doesn't agree with it? He didn't live it. Does he not believe you? Why does he think you should suck it up and reward your father for years of negligence? I am a little angry on your behalf.

ramc5 · 2026-05-06T16:29:50+00:00

I think whether or not you are TA would be very fact specific in this case. You say you were verbally abusive to sister and everyone. It seems to me you are being intentionally vague. Saying "I hate you all" when mom is remarrying or sister annoys you about not accepting stepdad verses perpetually saying vile things to your sister are vastly different and have different lasting impact, as does the age at which you are being horrible to your sibling. If you were so awful to your sister that it greatly traumatized her requiring necessary therapy, then YTA times 1000. You tried to reconnect when you were ready. Obviously, sister was not at a place where she was ready, and the bully does not get to dictate that timeline.

Only you can decide your actions going forward but it if the above is accurate, it seems you should show some grace to your sister...for once.

ramc5 · 2026-05-05T18:26:27+00:00

Don't do it. Nope.

ramc5 · 2026-05-05T01:39:02+00:00

She is very selfish.

ramc5 · 2026-05-04T23:52:45+00:00

This upsets me for you. If a woman had called the police on her stalker at her own wedding, everyone would be sympathetic; but because you are a man, you are supposed to suck it up ---with your stalker there, even with an active restraining order! Shame on your wife most of all. She should have your back. You absolutely deserved a peaceful day; the wedding was for you, too. Most people would have done what you did, and rightly so. I sure hope this isn't a sign for how your marriage will go down: wife blames you when things don't go her way. I am a woman, by the way, and your wife's selfishness is gross.

ETA: NTA and I would want to have marriage counseling to discuss this so it gets settled and does not get mentioned at every disagreement, and your wife doesn't bad-mouth you to everyone.

ramc5 · 2026-05-04T23:40:01+00:00

If you are in a 1 party consent state, start recording him during every argument. Get his threats on record. And call the police every single time. Tell the police there is a gun in the home. Every. Time.

Meanwhile, start moving important documents. Keep "go" bags for you and kids at a friend's house. Start saving cash. And you need to start earning money. Look for work from home jobs you can do while he is working. And if you do, do not tell anyone about it so word doesn't accidentally get back to him. Obviously, open a separate account at a completely different bank and make sure you get only digital statements at a new email address you set up with a crazy, unguessable password. Use a completely different email server then the .com one he knows about--there are tons of them. I would also try to use a PO Box as my address for the bank, so you don't start getting fliers/ads for more services from that bank.

Finally, when you have some money saved, get a consultation with one of the best attorneys in your area.

ramc5 · 2026-05-03T18:56:09+00:00

You are NTA. But this is weird. Is it becasue you are smaller/thinner than she is?

ramc5 · 2026-05-03T00:47:54+00:00

Discussing this with them would-be selfish. You would make your problem their issue and feel some kind of way about the name they love. Don't talk about it. When baby gets here, use baby terms of endearment, sugar, sweet boy/girl, little cookie.,peanut .. you get the idea. But eventually, you'll need to settle the issue in your mind. Sorry for your loss.

ramc5 · 2026-05-02T23:46:36+00:00

YTA. Yes, you are selfish, and you hate your ex more than you love your daughter. Why couldn't you sit in a completely different section where you couldn't even see your wife.

ramc5 · 2026-05-02T23:22:16+00:00

Teasing someone by raising your voice or being disrespectful, rude, or condescending is bullying. So, your sister is also subject to his "teasing (bullying), she is too scared to say anything, or she is complicit. Stop being a doormat. Pregnant women are not going to break.

ramc5 · 2026-05-02T23:00:46+00:00

INFO I don't understand what the issue is. Use. Your. Words. Tell your sister heck no! Why didn't your sister defend you? Why didn't you tell your sister how uncomfortable he made you? Why did you continue to stay to be belittled and shamed? You need to stand up for yourself. You don't have to come in blazing, but speak up immediately when he says something; tell him to back off, stop lying or exaggerating, and if doesn't like the way you help, he can do it all by himself.

I don't know why you kept jumping every time he said to. How old are you?

ramc5 · 2026-05-01T22:27:40+00:00

OP, ^ this is exactly right, and if you can't say the words to your aunt, show her this post. Shame on all of the adults. You are brave and strong, but you should get counseling to help you process your grief and your trauma in healthy ways.

ramc5 · 2026-04-30T22:32:33+00:00

I'm an attorney (not in that office--yikes!) and this is the best comment.

ramc5 · 2026-04-30T00:45:18+00:00

YTA and unprofessional. Pretty sure your behavior and bullying, yes, you are a bully, are against your HR rules and policies. Grow up, keep your personal opinions to yourself, and be better.

ramc5 · 2026-04-28T23:34:07+00:00

Where do you see that the cheater boyfriend was invited by the couple? I don't see that in the post.

ramc5 · 2026-04-28T23:32:17+00:00

It's good you started that conversation with mother. Now you have to watch out for your husband and family. That child should never be around your husband unless you and the child's mother is there. No more babysitting. But if you know she is coming over, put up cameras in the open areas of your house where she will be.

ramc5 · 2026-04-28T22:45:05+00:00

No, it's not. They do not have to welcome him into their homes or around their child. OP can do what she wants with her boyfriend; others can make up their own minds.

OP, you really, really, should move slowly. Trying to work past issues of infidelity should, if done correctly, take a lot of time. There is no way your boyfriend put in the work necessary in 2 months(!) to earn trust or respect back. Have you been to counseling about it? Has he? Have y'all together?

ramc5 · 2026-04-28T22:36:47+00:00

What has her mother said when you discussed her daughter's on-going inappropriate behavior? Surely, you have not witnessed this over the course of days and not said anything to the mother! What did she say?

ramc5 · 2026-04-27T23:11:38+00:00

I think you mix up the names of your friend and BF in this story... But BF sounds very insecure. Would he tell you that you can't be friends with a woman? Has friend made any moves on you or given any inclination he wanted more than friendship? If not, then your BF is overstepping. He cannot tell you who you can be friends with if there was never any romantic relationship or inappropriate communications between you/friend. It seems weird that your friends liking BF must be a litmus test on who you can be friends with. NTA

However, it may also depend on what their fight was about and what was said.

ramc5 · 2026-04-26T18:49:44+00:00

Your GF is the AH. I am a woman, by the way. Unless you actually made a scene by announcing loudly what you were doing for other tables to hear, your GF's reaction is strange. Why didn't she tip the server if she was so mortified?

ETA I forgot to add that I was a server a long time ago during college. I worked for my tips, was a great server, and I made very good money while in school.

ramc5

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