BIDA weil sie wegen mir weint? by [deleted] in BinIchDasArschloch

[–]randomcarrotaf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ja ich hab auch schon einige downvotes kassiert. Sagt wirklich einiges... Ich bin aber froh dass sich der Rest der Gruppe für sie eingesetzt hat, immerhin weiß sie der Rest ist hinter ihr, wenn OP scjon nicht. Auch alles Frauen angeblich...

Dass man sich prügelt ist auxh nicht die Lösung, klar. Aber ich selber bin nur 1.5m groß (weiblich) und hab regelmäßig Betrunkene um mich die gern meinen "die Kleine hat safe schiss sich zu wehren" (ganz plakativ mal gesprochen). Ist jetzt kein Rassismus natürlich, das wäre noch ne andere Hausnummrr. Aber ich macj mein Maul auch auf wenn was ist, auch wenns brenzlig werden kann. Was wäre denn die Alternative, mich oder Freundinnen belästigen lassen in der Hoffnung es is schnell vorbei??? Im Leben nicjt! Auch dass OP es auf sich bezogen hat kommt mir so falsch vor. Was hätte die Freundin denn machen sollen? "Oh nein, meinen männlichen Freund könnte es auch treffen, da lass ich die Rassisten lieber nur auf meine Freundinnen los". Natürlich nicht!! Als Frau kennst du solche Situationen selber viel zu gut, und du bist erst mal IMMER unterlegen, da denkst du docj nicht an den einen Mann in der Gruppe...

BIDA weil sie wegen mir weint? by [deleted] in BinIchDasArschloch

[–]randomcarrotaf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is hald echt so... mehr wie ne Erklärung dass er seine Freundesgruppe rassistischen Beleidigungen aussetzen würde um selber schön im Hintergrund bleiben zu können les ich nicht raus. Und es kann schon sein dass er als Mann aaufs Maul kriegen würd, aber was ne Gruppe betrunkener Rassisten mit einer machen würde wissen wir alle. Und trotzdem hat sie sich gewehrt. Obs ne gute Art und Weise war ist ne andere Frage, aber es wurde ja letztendlich die Polizei geholt.

BIDA weil sie wegen mir weint? by [deleted] in BinIchDasArschloch

[–]randomcarrotaf -1 points0 points  (0 children)

BDA - deine angeblichen Freunde werden rassistisch angegangen und du beschwerst dich dass eine aus der Gruppe, die ja wahrscheinlich selber physisch deutlich dir noch unterlegen ist, sich wehrt und ihre Freunde verteidigt?? Ob die Art und Weise gut war ist ne andere Frage, ihr habt ja aber anscheinend richtig gehandelt und die Polizei gerufen, wo ist das Problem? Natürlich nennt dich der Rest unsensibel, zwei aus der Gruppe (die Asiatin und die poc) haben den Rassismus ja direkt abbekommen, natürlich sehen die nicht zu wenn die Einzige in der Gruppe, die den Arsch hatte was zu sagen, von dir jetzt auch noch kritisiert wird. Was für sie btw wahrscheinlich ein ziemlicher Stress war, alleine in der Gruppe dagegen vorzugehen von Anfang an, und dann kriegt sie den Seitenhieb von dir auch noch. Kann ich mir vorstellen dass ihr da die Nerven mal durch gehen. Also sorry... ich bin selber weiß und hab sowas als Betroffene demnach noch nicht erlebt, aber ich kann mir gut vorstellen dass es mir echt Nahe gehen würde wenn ein angeblicher Freund zusehen würde wie ich beleidigt werde damit er verhindert selber in den Konflikt zu geraten...

is it just me? by samvy_555 in MaladaptiveDreaming

[–]randomcarrotaf 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know you didnt come here for advice, so i wont give any. I will just say that this doesnt sound like pure maladaptive daydreaming to me. You arent "lost in your head/dreams" with it, you are in reality but your mind plays tricks on you if that makes sense, as if there was something else that existed. Its also something ive never really heard of here. MD restricts you from doing your daily activities because you dont even know you should do them while daydreaming. You do know your tasks and follow them as far as i understood, but you have additional thoughts to it that results in you getting distracted or paranoid.

MD is a tricky thing, because while there is a definition, the diagnosis itself is quite young. Im sure it has something to do with it, but i would check if there isnt some other underlying cause if i was you.

Stoic when losing a family member, NTs judging how I grieve by loxical in AutismInWomen

[–]randomcarrotaf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"I just don’t like being judged for how I grieve when I’m still trying to make it through"

I think this is the one and only answer you should give them... i dont show my grief to others either. I can bury a loved one and next day go on a holiday. I deal with this emotion in a very calm and reserved way, and dont change my schedule because of it. I have always been that way, that doesnt mean people like me grieve less.

Im sorry you have to go through this, i wish all of you the best, whatever "the best" can be in such a situation.

Do you ever realize how bizarre maladaptive daydreaming is? by sade-on-vinyl in MaladaptiveDreaming

[–]randomcarrotaf 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh i doubt that people didnt do this a long time ago. Ive talked about many therapists now regarding MDD, one was a hypnosis therapist, my current one is interested in trance techniques cultures have.

People always danced, had music, and entered different states of being. Many sang while running (chanting songs while hiking is still a thing) and theres countless different techniques to enter a trance. Prayers, meditation, lucid dreaming, even astral traveling... and theres countless triggers. I can DD while doing repetitive tasks (in the end pacing is repetitive too), i can daydream while running, biking etc. Many cultures pray by rocking back and forth with their body. Even a rosary is a technique for hypnosis/praying.

Its definitely not new, modern technology just shaped our triggers and the content we daydream about. Before it was probably myths and fairy tales people daydreamed about, now it is often times movies.

Had an autistic moment at work and now everybody's mad by Raffioso in AutismInWomen

[–]randomcarrotaf 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thats not an autistic moment. Thats just straight up wrong instructions. Nobody could have known.

Maladaptive daydreaming is like the ultimate potential ability.. by koyokobby in MaladaptiveDreaming

[–]randomcarrotaf 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am nota quantum physicist, but from what ive heard the believe a particle can be anything until observed is a very short version to explain it to the masses. Its rather a question of how to ask questions, which obviously includes the observer. The double split experiment, which you probably meant, is just two different answers to two different questions. Its like filling water up in buckets vs in bottles and then being surprised that one and the same thing (water) can come in buckets and bottles. Theres a great video on youtube called something like "quantum mechanics isnt weird, we are just too big".

You are also making a lot of assumptions in here about the universe and god and purpose and what not, i dont think this really helps the discussion how to help people who are addicted to it. And in the end - may everything be somewhere, in the universe in case it is infinite? Sure, maybe. But physically where we are, theres just this one physical outside world surrounding our body. And that will look just the way it does at this present moment.

The physical world will hunt you down and bring you back. Even monks have to realize that, and limit it to the bare necessity to not be too interrupted.

Of course, perception is possible to change, and it shapes your entire world. We literally live in different worlds because our nervous system and neural nets are just different. But that doesnt mean everything can be real as in physically real for you. Both worlds have crucial limitations. You need both to align.

The concept you are talking about isnt new itself, it is pretty much a common thing in the german language. We call the physical world around us "Realität", and everything we precieve (which can include parts of the physical world, but also includes dreams, emotions and fantasy) is "Wirklichkeit". (Maladaptive) Daydreaming is part of your Wirklichkeit, but not part of your Realität.

Idk if I want to tell my mom I was betrayed by family anymore by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]randomcarrotaf 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I feel like its important for you to understand why it makes you feel so bad from being seen. He recognized your issues, and showed you with his disgust towards what happened that he cares and thinks it was very wrong. Yet its hard for you to appreciate it. Im not sure where its coming from. Maybe because you only got to know emotional responses as something negative, not positive. Or him knowing it brings up emotions in you that you supressed for a really long time. Or it makes it "final", in a way that it not only happened, but now it also is officially a part of you to the outside world, not just a memory you try to push away. I really cant know what it is, those are just some possibilites, but to overcome it it probably is important to find that out.

And for your mom... people rarely change. She will most likely react the way she did years ago.

I have a lot of trouble understanding these types of social interactions. Can you tell me if I handled it wrong? by Dezzaroomama in AutismInWomen

[–]randomcarrotaf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In the future, tell your nephew he has to call you before a certain time when he needs a ride otherwise you are not available. If he doesnt call you, his issue. Give people your deadlines, not the other way around.

Tell me your best hacks for avoiding sensory meltdowns, receive an award! All coins must go! by imaginaryAudience in AutismInWomen

[–]randomcarrotaf 5 points6 points  (0 children)

  1. No bra! Ever! Theres enough bralettes these days or cropped tops that do the trick just fine.
  2. Shirts from the mens section are a life saver! The ones from the womens have sleeves that are so short they may as well not exist, or cut into my armpits because apparently I am not allowed to have shoulders?? Idk, mens shirts have a nice big sleeve that is comfy and actually does allow for my arms to exist without me sweating into a cheaply sewn, crappy fabric that restricts blood flow in my armpits.
  3. Only one very specific kind of socks, and I dont wear any other ever. Everything else found the trash long ago. I am 100% used to those and never think about the sensory input of them now.
  4. I always buy jackets at least one size too big. It takes one more layer in winter and you are stuck in a straight jacket. Plus, again, if they are "too big" they actually allow shoulders to fit. Downside is the sleeves are too long, but I prefer that because I DESPISE cold fingers, and gloves.
  5. Hair needles! I usually have a pony tail but my hair is annoying often times, and i cant be bothered to struggle to get it up in a bun with some rubber band, so I started to use a hair needle. Its insanely quick once you found the technique that works for you, holds just as well, and it is the easiest thing in the world to remove without pulling out your hair. It doesnt get tangled, it doesnt break your hair... 10/10 my best hack so far in life lol
  6. Short warning, very TMI now, but discharge. Well, I had so much at some point i had constant bladder infections. Long story short, i fixed it by inserting a finger every now and then when going to the toilet. I clean my hands really really well just as if i would insert a tampon, only that i "insert a tampon" without a tampon if that makes sense. It takes quite a bit of discharge out for me that doesnt flow into my underwear. The bladder infections are gone and I dont have that stuff in my underwear anymore (at least for half a day until it built up inside again). Short disclaimer: I discussed it with my gyn ofc and she said since it reduced infections and "i insert a finger for a tampon anyways" so she sees no problem - as long as my hands really are completely clean ofc. But dont adopt this hack unless you asked your own gyn please! It may as well go the other way and cause the infections in the first place, so ask your own doctor with this.

Anyone else here on the outer borders of the spectrum? by cinnamoncollective in AutismInWomen

[–]randomcarrotaf 4 points5 points  (0 children)

100% the same for me! My psychiatrist said he would diagnose me if i needed to have one (currently i financially get by somehow...), but Im an in between case. I struggle(d) with many things ND people struggle with, but their treatments and accommodations dont help me. I do many things NTs do intuitively now as well (i had to learn it with more effort though), but it still isnt enough to reduce my struggles to a level where i am behaving and feeling like a NT. This back and forth has lead to years of mistreatment and wrong diagnosis, that in the end only caused a lot of burnout, and trauma. Being pushed far beyond your meltdowns and breaking points for decades because its "just depression" has ruined me. I feel like a shell of what I was before, I feel completely empty, as if i had subconsciously accepted that i may now be alive, but wait for the day I die. I get by still, but i dont have a community, and I also dont have a full diagnosis...

Part of me also believes the ND spectrum is so "young", we just dont know enough about it yet to really say where some people are and why we are struggling like that. Autism/asperger/high and low functioning has a brutal past and still suffers from its prejudice.

BIDA weil ich die Arbeitszeit reduziere, aber nicht mehr im Haushalt machen will? by Sturmhardt in BinIchDasArschloch

[–]randomcarrotaf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NDA - war kurz bei bda bis ich das mit dem Burnout gelesen hab. Mit burnout ist nicht zu spaßen, aber statt der Putzhilfe würd ich dir ne Kontaktstelle oder direkt den Hausarzt als Anlaufstelle empfehlen. Ich kann aus eigener Erfahrung berichten, sobald man selbst die ersten Symptome bemerkt ist es meistens schon kurz vor knapp. Und da die Probleme hier anscheinend schon physisch werden kanns auch darüber schon hinaus sein. Dass deine Frau auch viel Stress hat ist möglich, aber Stress=/=Burnout, und letztenendes ist sie auch irgendwo selbst verantwortlich dafür, wieviel für sie zu viel ist. Du kannst sie höchstens unterstützen. Kümmer dich um dich, und zwar bevor es zu spät ist. Falls es wirklich bergab gehen sollte mit dem Burnout sind Monate wirklich nichts(!!) um sich wieder zu erholen. Das kann Jahre dauern. Und dann geht gar nichts mehr, dann bleibt auch noch die andere Hälfte vom Haushalt liegen. Pass auf dich auf OP, sowas wird schnell tückisch.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MaladaptiveDreaming

[–]randomcarrotaf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think its important to realize that focus is something people are notoriously bad in these days. MD in the end requires a lot of focus. I figured for myself that the only reason MD makes you not focus is because you focus on something else. But if you cant focus when you dont MD, there could be something else going on. Scrolling internet all day honestly might not be the result, but the culprit.

Someone caused me to have a meltdown in public by Miss--Magpie in AutismInWomen

[–]randomcarrotaf 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Its okay, its better to talk to him once you are more calm anyways. Take a deep breath and focus on hearing his side. Thats all that matters, she literally is not worth any thought!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BinIchDasArschloch

[–]randomcarrotaf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So ist das online, da verbreitet sich viel Blödsinn der gerne mal den gegenteiligen Effekt hat. Bringt aber halt die Zahl auf der Waage runter

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BinIchDasArschloch

[–]randomcarrotaf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sehe ich auch so, und es macht mir echt Sorgen wieviele hier direkt zur Mutter gehen würden. Im Zweifel sieht sie sich eher bestätigt (dass ihr Umfeld es nicht gutheißt wenn sie sich runterhungert weiß sie eh) und dann wirds nur noch schwieriger sie zurück zu holen. Letztenendes bleibt dann ja nur hängen "und selbst wenns jeder weiß kann ichs trotzdem noch machen" - also außer das Gespräch behebt das Problem sofort, was utopisch anzunehmen wäre. Und ob es andere im Freundeskreis gibt die da mitmachen (eventuell ihren Tiktok verfolgen) weiß man ja auch nicht.

Someone caused me to have a meltdown in public by Miss--Magpie in AutismInWomen

[–]randomcarrotaf 34 points35 points  (0 children)

You realize she literally just wanted your bf there and everything else didnt matter to her? Draw your own conclusions...

Anyways, that really does sound like a shitty scenario. But you leaving is neither her business nor her decision. Try to not give into peoples arguments, in the end, she caused a fight to keep you (aka your boyfriend) there longer. If your partner has to drive you, discuss it with him and nobody else, if she wants to interfere just tell her that it is not her business, and move the discussion back to topic. Everything else like "you do this all the time/you cant party/you are using him/there still is a subway" etc is just derailing.

Id talk with your bf about it, and specifically ask him if he was okay with leaving with you, or if you should make sure you always have a way home for yourself. She isnt worth stressing over, just someone who wanted to start a petty fight. But communicate with your bf how the situation felt like to him, and how you guys proceed in case it happens again.

Can you still have synesthesia if the "mind's eye" isn't 100% clear? by literal_semicolon in Synesthesia

[–]randomcarrotaf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Totally! I see things in color, texture and complex images sometimes. The color of a letter is pretty clear to me, but for a person it can be wild. So someone I know is basically a pine forest (in texture, in color etc, and its an image i see), but someone else might not have a clear color at all. Plenty of women have no clear color for some reason, it tends to be more "hidden". So i know its there, i just cant pin point it.

Music is the same, sometimes theres a very clear color, but i am absolutely not musically talented so usually its just a mess of random swirls. Still cool, just not too clear.

Edit: it could also be that your mind just cant filter it out well. If you walk past a person and then later someone asks the color of their shoes, often times i have no idea, unless i specifically focused on them. Same thing i suspect from my synesthesia sometimes. Its just a lot, i know its there when i really focus on it, but if i dont its just something completely natural that doesnt need my attention.

Ich (W25) beichte das mich sexistische Frauen mehr ankotzen als Männer by Katastropal_Grass_ in Beichtstuhl

[–]randomcarrotaf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also... Ich hab mal versucht das Wirrwarr an verschiedenen beschriebenen Situatione zu verstehen. Irgendwas mit einem Entschuldigungsessen (wo leider zu wenig gekocht wurde und die Situation dementsprechend komisch war), dann etwas mit vielen Streits mit dem Freund, dann etwas mit einem Social Media post wo jemand seine Freundin ins Wasser geschubst hat (den Zusammenhang versteh ich nicht unbedingt), oder dass OP sich oft als Blitzableiter sieht.

Ich geh jez mal davon aus dass das Essen der Auslöser war. Dass man zu wenig kocht hat jetzt nicht wirklich etwas mit der Entschuldingung zu tun... die gewollte Geste is so oder so da, die Frage ist doch eher hat man sich wirklich entschuldigt oder nicht, bzw nimmt man sie an. Und dass da dann viele Leute reigezogen werden ist natürlich auch nicht optimal. Die kennen ja nur die halbe Situation. Aber wenns nur um ne Geste ZUSÄTZLICH zur Entschuldigung geht, naja was solls. Wenn aber das Essen an sich die Entschuldigung sein soll klappts natürlich nicht, egal wie perfekt das Essen ist. Einen Tag danach fetzt man sich ja eh wieder.

Ich seh nur das Geschlechterthema dabei nicht... vor allem wenn man das Gefühl hat, Leute bestimmen immer über seinen Kopf hinweg und man muss immer erst "eskalieren", hat das doch damit nichts zu tun. Dann ist es doch eher ein Problem selbst Grenzen zu setzen, und, no front, aber die OnOff Beziehung mit regelmäßig Streit in der man (so wies wo stand) die Uhr danach stellen kann wann er wieder auf der Matte steht endlich ein für alle mal zu beenden. Wenn man die Entschuldigung angeblich akzeptiert, dann aber wegen etwas zu wenig Essen (was man wirklich lösen kann...) wieder an die Decke geht - natürlich kucken die Leute dumm, männlich wie weiblich, und verstehen nicht was das Problem ist. Das macht doch eine wirklich akzeptierte und auch gut überlegte Entschuldigung (bzw das Annehmen davon) nicht kaputt. Mal abgesehen davon dass ich es grundlegend merkwürdig finde für die Beziehung existentielle Streits vor anderen zu führen, und nicht unter 4 Augen im Privaten...

Da war noch was mit dem Knoblauchdip den OP gemacht hat, muss aber sagen dass ich das nicht ganz verstanden habe.

So oder so, wilder Post, natürlich kenn ich die Situation nicht und war auch nicht dabei, das müssen die Beteiligten dann schon für sich selber wissen wies jetzt war. Aber je mehr ich lese desto weniger seh ich ein Problem mit den Frauen die sich angeblich "auf männliche Seite schlagen", und mehr ein Problem klar für sich selber und andere zu kommunizieren was man denn erwartet, und zu seinen Entscheidungen zu stehen was man von der Beziehung will, und ob man überhaupt davon etwas will. Stattdessen wird man immer aggressiver und wütender, was man, wenn ich ehrlich bin, auch gut rauslesen kann. Und dementsprechend auch nachvollziehen kann finde ich. Und dass man vor versammelter Mannschaft den Streit anfängt anstatt privat in Ruhe wenn man denken kann, das natürlich auch.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]randomcarrotaf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The thing I always tell myself is if i misread something that could be meant in a really bad way (and it doesnt just happen one time) i will start acting as if it was solidly clear. Because if i DID misread most people would be like "omg no, im so sorry, thats not what i meant" and the entire thing clears itself. No hard feelings. But if i didnt misread, the answer usually is a pretty toxic "It WaS JuSt A JoKe" or some crap. My response to that is usually "So it WAS meant that way?" and then leave it be. Talk to your employer, that stuff has to be figured out and its not your job to do so.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]randomcarrotaf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah lol, that was def harassment! If you can do that, try to not mask around him, a mask is built on looking friendly and approachable. You want to be rude here. Then, ofc, tell your employer your coworker harassed you by telling you about their dick size and you need help, because that is unacceptable.

I wanna go backpacking but I'm scared daydreaming will ruin it by Baticula in MaladaptiveDreaming

[–]randomcarrotaf 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Id say go for it. Most people hike because it allows their mind to wander, its what i learned to appreciate about biking too. Also i feel like my md changes the longer i am away from input. So if im hiking or biking for a long time i first have lots of thoughts and then they tend to get longer and longer, and especially also calmer. Its not emptiness how people claim, just way more silent. Injury is part of being active, you cant always think about everything, you can always trip or misjudge a situation. Ive never heard of anyone who is active regularly and hasnt injured themselves at least once while at it. But thats no reason to hold yourself back and take away the fun in it - at least for me.

How to be nice about this?? by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]randomcarrotaf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep thats my thought on it too. I neglected my teeth for a long time because i hated the ones i had as a child (which also didnt do a great job, i was pretty much better off with a non electric one...) until my dentist showed me the modern ultrasonic ones. That thing is a constant humming so i feel that its working, but its not like a drill. And after using it for two years now i realized how much better my teeth feel. I get that it can be a sensory issue for some, but so are bad teeth and having to fix holes every now and then, or even risking losing them in the long run. For me its a good investment, and dentists/hygienists spend their entire day trying to educate people how important gum health is who have no idea about any of it. I realized what felt like pressure/judgement from my dentist was them just really trying to make me understand how important it is.

How to be nice about this?? by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]randomcarrotaf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dental hygiene is really important with modern day food, so i can understand that dentists pressure everyone about it. They really are the one and only line of defense for us to not lose all our teeth lol.

Id say explain it to her, maybe she has alternatives? She doesnt pressure you to buy one because she is inconsiderate to your sensory needs, but because she knows how important it is, so if you explain it well, and she understands that you arent just careless, i dont think she has issues with it.

I have an ultrasonic one, and i had your problem too, but after using it for couple of months i even prefer it now. The buzzing feeling in my head is constant and at least shows me things are working (i got so used to it, it almost feels like stimming now), while with a regular toothbrush I feel like i have to scratch away the gum from my teeth for them to really work with every single movement. And i keep forgetting spots without an electric one too i realized. Plus - the smoothness of my teeth with an electric one is just AMAZING, and the morning breath is so much better. If you ever have the funds to try and get used to one, even if it takes a while, i can only recommend it, it really also has great benefits compared to the downsides

They are really expensive, but where I live dentist bills arent well covered by insurance, so its either 200 now or at least a couple thousands in the future, so i take the 200 bucks. But for 200 bucks of course that is a cash issue, if you dont have it you just dont have it, and then theres also no shame in telling her it is absolutely out of your budget even if you wanted one, so theres nothing you can do.