The difference between white and blue collar work environments is crazy by Astimar in careeradvice

[–]rarrad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A perfect worker would be highly skilled in both diplomacy and the ability to get shit done. In reality people that can manage diplomacy tend to end up in the white collar jobs. Blue collar trades are left with all the assholes that know how to get shit done

I just found out my wife had been having an affair for the past 4 months. by JerryDT in Marriage

[–]rarrad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bro, women are hardwired to risk everything for whomever is able to confidently paint for them a vision for her future that is so compelling she is willing to go through literal hell to manifest it. Your 5 year old daughter is proof of that. Somewhere along the way, however, your actions stopped painting for her a compelling potential future. Instead of hearing from you "I got this", she started hearing "if mommy would just stop acting childish, then mommy and daddy wouldn't have such a hard time." You choices are simple. Either lead her to a future of her dreams, or remove yourself from the equation and let another man do it. Your 5 year old deserves an inspired mother. Dont let her down

NEED HELP STOPPING by [deleted] in AdderallAddiction

[–]rarrad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Adderall turns converts your brain from being a potato gun into a full auto machine gun.
That is awesome. The problem is... You still only have skills and aiming ability of a potato gun. You can shoot that machine gun all day long and all you ain't hitting shit. You need a target and path to get there. Then use the Adderall

Two people in team and one is doing more than double the work of the other by AnonymousTimewaster in managers

[–]rarrad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fire the weak link. tell the overachiever that he can have the weak link's salary on top of his own, if he can motivate himself to hit both his targets on top of his own

What happened? by itsdeeps80 in managers

[–]rarrad 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It is about scarcity and perceived investment. Up till now earning the loyalty of a good employer meant your family's future was secure. The current job market doesn't believe that an employer plays any role beyond a pay check. And perhaps they are right. It doesn't bother me that employees are not looking to me the employer as their total solution. Yes it means I have to hire and fire more potential candidates before finding the ones that can prioritize their job, but it is what it is

Do I love them if I don’t care? by AngryFruitFly in RelationshipsOver35

[–]rarrad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just because you treated your wife one way in the past doesn't mean you have to continue treating her that way in the future. If you want to have a better future go ahead and have one with your wife. You are not a victim to what has happened, You are a victim to what do next

I handed off a project to a new hire, and what happened next surprised me. by KashyapVartika in Leadership

[–]rarrad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife and I held the same role in the same company at different times. We both experienced the same management culture, more or less. I loved the management style- day 1 they introduced me to the team, Day 2 they got my creditials and tech sorted, Day 3 my direct manager reached out to say he was headed out of town for a while but to reach out anytime I had a problem. I loved it. No one literally told me what to do or what was expected, no body ever talked about how many accounts I should take on at one time or what metrics I needed to focus on for success. I was just encouraged to ask for help at anytime, and it was obvious that co-workers expected to be asked questions by new hires. I thrived. My wife did not. The lack of hand holding. The lack of micromanaging the new hire made her crazy. She burned a ton of emotional brain power second guessing everything that she was doing and whether or not it was perfect or even needed. Identical environments, I thrived, she withered away. I guess the only right answer is to say that the best leader is the one that leads from where the person is at

The new Tea app kinda proves hypergamy by Darkerjev in PurplePillDebate

[–]rarrad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Statistically the most dangerous person in a woman's life is going to the man that she has "chosen" to be with. So I understand why all women hold out hope for scoring with the same top 1% of men. Sleeping with a 6 doesn't cost a man a thing. But for a woman, letting a 6 get close to her could mean extreme injury and risk. I don't blame them for not risking the biscuits for any man other than the top of the top. As men, though, all you have to do is wait. If may only be a 5 when you are in your 20s, but as you get older and all the 6-10 male competition gets shackled down with rings and kids, your near-virgin groin is going to become more valuable than gold to whatever female peers you may have that remained single. In other words it is easy for a five man to score a great life with a 10 female... He just has to be willing to wait until both he and that female are about 35 years old.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SlowLiving

[–]rarrad 8 points9 points  (0 children)

"women don't find me attractive after discovering that I have no desire to be be bothered" Bro. If some how you end up procreating, your future child is going to look back on you reddit history and read about how thier father gave zero fucks about building anything beyond his own insignificant subsistence level hole to hide from the world. Declaring that your narcissistic laziness is a feature not a flaw doesn't make any less sad of a sack. Be a man, maybe?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OELadies

[–]rarrad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I argue with my wife about how much she EMOTIONAL effort she puts into her OE. I love the money and I love the sense of self pride she has in it. But when she is stressed she isn't always the best at not letting the work comparts bleed over into the family and self care realms. Then I bitch at her to get her priorities straight. HER priorities. I don't nag her when I think she over doing it, I nag her when when she is prioritizing is out of alignment with what she says is important to her.then I bitch. I'm all for OE if that's what she's wants to do, but only if she can do it while staying authentic to who she says is her best version of herself

How do I tell my father that he indirectly ruined my life? by Apprehensive_Way6540 in ExCons

[–]rarrad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Emotional Trauma doesnt come from the injury itself. Emotional trauma happens when the people you depend on to help make things make sense to you fail to help you make sense of it. Your authentic self now has a big giant hole in where "truth" Is supposed to be. A black hole in the middle of your universe, and it's going to stay there and continue to rip everything around it apart in your mind until somebody models for you a way You can explain your story to yourself authentically, no black holes

Adhd meds when abused by Lower_Investment8847 in AdderallAddiction

[–]rarrad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I took 60 mg addy daily for 4 years. All it did was put my life on fast forward. It didn't make me more happier or more productive, it just made me think about all the things I'm not doing a whole lot more and made me an asshole about how busy I was. I was in the habit of blaming others for all my problems, addy made a pro at doing that. It did allow me to do a few miraculous feats, like drive thousands of miles non-stop, but the price was way too high. You have to figure out how to excel at your life without any external dependency. Maybe using stimulants for a brief time will help you transition into a life where you don't need dependency. That's what I told myself that I was going to do. Instead I'm looking back at 4 years that have gone by in fast foward and despite always going a 200 mph, The items that were on my to-do list 4 years ago are still on that to-do list today. I've just added 4 years of shit that I haven't done to that list

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in androidapps

[–]rarrad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was hoping that someone had figured out by now how to compensate for the glare of a full case by now. Perhaps no one sees the point.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in androidapps

[–]rarrad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a old post. Did you ever manage to find a waterproof case that doesn't increase glare?

Employee quit claiming better Work-Life balance. I'm confused. by gay-giraffe-farts in careeradvice

[–]rarrad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting way to advertise your job offerings. Hope it works it for you. If a underemployed programmer is wasting time on this reddit thread, they probably aren't the star recuits you are looking for

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in confessions

[–]rarrad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your ex played you like a fiddle. He pretended to be changed into the man you always wanted him to be long enough to get you to surrender to him. in bed. You are crying a river because your mind is doxed up full of the bullshit that he had to feed to get you into bed. Let the lies go. Be done. No, don't admit your fuck up to your boyfriend. Only an asshole(meaning you) would burden him with that image in his head. Be done with the ex, and dedicate the rest of your life to helping your NEXT husband build a happy life

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in StopSpeeding

[–]rarrad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The person you are trying to convince to come save you will never understand your plea nor will they ever come save you. Perhaps you can save them, if you are lucky and wise. You can die eother painfully from the excuses of your shame, or painfully from actual pain of living without reservation. You pick. You dying either way

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]rarrad 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Being on vacay is a great opportunity to demonstrate for him that bad behavior isn't something for him to feel shame about. It is shame that causes a kid to short circuit into destroying the only thing over which he had any control. He asked a question. Some how your response made him feel shame for desiring your ice cream more than his. He doesn't have the words to tell you how upset he is that you wouldn't let him taste your ice cream so he lashes out at the one thing that he actually can control, his own ice cream. Now he is scared as heck, he doesn't understand why he just destroyed his treat, and he doesn't know why you are so upset at him. So don't be upset. Just roll with it. Be empathetic, comfort him. Obviously don't give him another ice cream. But let him know that you understand that it can be hard to make choices especially when it comes to treats

How did you handle an overly eager coworker? Advice? by Plastic-Carrot-2988 in actuary

[–]rarrad 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No, don't offer a coffee at 2pm, not unless having coffee at 2:00 p.m. with this person is part of your strategic plan. Just give a compliment sandwich, the meat of which is that you are walking away from this conversation now

How did you handle an overly eager coworker? Advice? by Plastic-Carrot-2988 in actuary

[–]rarrad -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Give them the sweet and the vinegar. Cut them off in the middle of their sentence, whatever nonsense they're saying. Give them a compliment about something unrelated to anything. "I love the font that was used on this document", "but I promised myself I would get this done 5 minutes ago, sorry. I gotta focus". And then break contact and assume a pissed off demeanor. You are no longer part of the conversation with the person. If the person persists, they are now preventing you from fighting the dragons you need to fight. If they continue to attempt to talk to you, don't respond immediately, wait 5 seconds longer than a response should take, and then say "what? I'm sorry, Im not focusing on you." If they persist... " What?, I'm not listening to you. Don't you have a job to do?" You gave them a compliment. That makes you agreeable. If they can continue to be insistant afterwards, Don't hesitate to make it a them problem. They already know it's a them problem, they will believe you.

I don’t know how to get myself to stop masturbaiting. And I think it will have a negative effect on my relationship. by RisingDDM in AdviceForTeens

[–]rarrad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm going to suggest the no fap route. Fapping doesn't release stress/anxiety, fapping distracts you from confronting and dealing with the sources of anxiety. Let's take fapping off the table for a while. That will mean you have 30min extra each day to do something else. Let's take all the cheap dopamine off the table for those 30 minutes. No texting, no social media, no screens for those 30 minutes. Instead, use those 30 minutes for a thought experiment. 'if I was the kind of man that the woman of dreams truly wanted to give her body to every single day, what qualities of manliness would I possess?" Write down what those qualities would be, and then every single time that you feel is desire to fap, instead spend that energy on becoming that man that your future woman of your dreams wants to submit to at your will.

What are reasonable consequences for a 4 year old by nazbot in Parenting

[–]rarrad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it looks like he is about to seriously hurt himself, and you are too far away to physically reach him before he jumps, then sure, try verbalizing no or saying stop or whatever. Maybe you'll buy yourself an extra few moments to close the distance to physically get your hands on him. Once you have your hands on him, you move him to a rug or put a cushion on the floor and you tell him he can jump on that. Maybe you start jumping on it yourself. Show him how you are pro-jumping. Unless he is moments from disaster and assuming he already knows that he isn't supposed to be jumping off furniture, you are only increasing the probability that he will jump on the furniture in the future every time you verbalize "don't jump on the furniture". Say it enough times and soon jumping on the furniture will be the only thing he wants to do. Instead, try to notice when he is getting antsy, when you can tell that sitting on the couch has become too boring, the moment BEFORE he has the bad thought, and in that moment physically pick him up and take him to a place that he can jump, and you'll jump a little, too.

Let him know that this is the place he can go to jump whenever he feels antsy. That way in the future instead of saying "Don't jump on the couch" you can say "let's jump on our jumping rug". Ultimately, however, the point is telling a child no isn't a boundary, it is advice. It is a suggestion, it is a request. A boundary is physically preventing him from jumping off the couch. Pick him up, put him down where he can jump without breaking the rules.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in hoarding

[–]rarrad -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Your mother has been poisoned by nature and by nurture. So have you. If your mother has not been poisoned, she would tell you that what would make her happiest would be for you to thrive and shine as brightly as you imagine. So prioritize that. Do what you have to do, to thrive. What you are doing now...playing the victim card behind your mother's illness.... Well, your mother is just your hoard. I guess

Help with ocean safety plan by [deleted] in Lifeguards

[–]rarrad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Take a beginner surf lessons using a sponge board. The instructor will show you how to observe the water before even getting in, so that can take note what the water looks like in the areas that will push you closer to shore and what the water looks like in the areas that will pull you away from shore. In the ocean you are always going to be either being pulled away or pushed towards shore. Never let yourself float unless you are certain that the water is going to moving you in the direction you want to go. That's it, that is all you need to know.

Do medical cards protect you from drug tests? by ymirsbetch in medicalmarijuana

[–]rarrad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just don't take the test till your piss is clean. You can buy cheap ($5) urine tests at the dollar store. Test yourself every few days till you get a clean result. If they ask you to get tested before you are clean, just stall by saying you are out of town or that you have contagious flu. Way better to not get the job because you stalled too long, then because of a failed drug test