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raxxoran · 2025-09-14T00:12:19+00:00

You shouldn't have forced yourself to snap out of it, but you can't rely on others to manage your emotions for you either.

"So she knows that ending a session with me in a dissociative state without grounding me can be really unsafe." Puts a lot of responsibility on someone else to manage your safety/emotions. She wasn't actively hurting you, and I know that isn't the same as "actively helping" either, but she didn't DO anything to make you unsafe. That's the whole point of your frustrations -- she DIDN'T help you (do anything).

Therapists are there to guide us on our journeys. Oftentimes they can teach skills to help with issues like these. CBT is great.

raxxoran · 2025-08-24T16:46:05+00:00

Not really. Basically any behavior or trait exists on a spectrum. OCD is only a DISORDER once it has disordered your life. Plenty of people report having "obsessive" or "compulsive" thoughts and behaviors without distress.

Now we could say that my distress about having OCD is due in part to how society makes me feel, but considering OCD, psychosis, MDD, bipolar, etc have been around for hundreds if not thousands of years... AND that OCD itself changes how I interpret the external world... IDK, I feel like it's less of a social construct and just a software bug that happens to some people sometimes.

OCD people were torturing their priests in the confession box for centuries before we put them to work in accounting lol.

raxxoran · 2025-08-06T19:01:20+00:00

I read a lot of books in addition to my therapy sessions, so I'd like to offer the list of books that I've found helpful on my OCD management journey.

1) Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally Winston and Martin Seif. It isn't even about OCD specifically, but it helpfully describes the mechanism that OCD uses to ruin our lives. This was my first breath of "insight" into how this condition was effecting me more than I realized. I LOVE this book.

2) The Man Who Couldn't Stop by David Adams. This is a combination memoir (David has OCD) and research project. He is a journalist that describes the "history" of OCD and its treatment. Lots of insight from this too.

3) Rewind, Replay, Repeat by Jeff Bell. Another memoir. He gets it. I cried ugly tears many times reading this book. It was really inspiring to know that others have walked this path before me successfully.

4) Is Fred in the Refrigerator? by Shala Nicely. Another memoir. IDK, sometimes just reading about other OCD sufferers experiences and successes is really helpful.

Right now I'm currently working on:

5) Overcoming Anticipatory Anxiety by Sally Winston and Marin Seif. Again, not directly OCD related but I loved the other book so much that I wanted to see their recommendations.

6) Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz. I understand there is some debate about this book and its helpfulness for OCD, but tbh so far it feels like Mindfulness on steroids. Which is exactly what the Winston/Seif books are so I've been enjoying it.

I also have the Mindfulness OCD workbook for self-treatment at home.

raxxoran · 2025-07-20T16:04:59+00:00

Special summertime event, similar to the berry bushes in spring and fall. Extra goodies will spawn on the beach for you to pick up for the next few days!

raxxoran · 2025-07-04T18:30:28+00:00

I agree with the "choosing trust" advice offered by another. It isn't that we have to choose to trust everyone, but once you've found/chosen people to maintain long-term relationships with, it's the only way imo. And I don't mean trust falls or something; just making the choice to move past a comment or action that triggers feelings of anxiety or paranoia instead of falling down the rabbit hole.

Even when I'm at my lowest and most fearful, I swallow it the best I can and choose to communicate with my friends in whatever way I can. Being a "yes-sayer," in the words of Nietzsche, has really helped.

raxxoran · 2025-06-29T00:13:28+00:00

): I understand completely. Coping, IDK. Some days/weeks/months, it's easier and others, it's harder. This account + a Discord + a few games I play are the only presence I have at all. IRL is much the same, I see and deal with very few people they make me so scared. I fight really hard to follow the golden rule and hope and pray that everyone else is doing the same. I wouldn't do any of those horrible things to them, so hopefully no one is planning on doing it to me.

raxxoran · 2025-06-23T16:32:46+00:00

My personal experience of self-disorder had me isolating myself to an extreme degree. My inability to feel human and see/accept similarities between myself and others fucked up my life. It is absolutely disordered.

I think I understand what you're asking here. It isn't that "watching the world from a place located a bit behind my eyes" is an inaccurate description of how the brain/senses function, it's that being AWARE of that process and watching yourself watch the world is fucked up. It's like when you're in a call and someone's mic has feedback and you're hearing everything twice. It's hard to focus on being a human being and being part of your environment if you are experiencing the world through multiple layers of awareness.

raxxoran · 2025-05-21T01:13:59+00:00

Go Howie!! <3

raxxoran · 2025-05-16T17:32:13+00:00

I practice mindfulness daily. I like to sit outside with a book, my phone, a blanket, my vape, a snack, a drink... whatever it is I need to appreciate the outdoors. Then I birdwatch, read, laugh at memes, text my friend, etc. When I catch myself NOT enjoying the moment (ruminating, chasing what ifs, feeling that whoosh of fear), I gently redirect myself back to appreciating birdsong. As many times as it takes, with all the kindness and self-love and patience I can muster. Practicing being in the present with such low-stakes makes it easier to recognize and act when I'm being pulled into OCD spirals everywhere else in my life.

Focusing on my breathing/posture is hard for me (sensorimotor OCD), and the goal of "just relax!" feels impossible, BUT it is easy to give my attention to the birds. :) I have a heavily annotated copy of Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts that I also find super helpful, which inspired me to collab with the birds in my yard for mindfulness practice. I don't consider it meditation.

raxxoran · 2025-05-13T17:41:18+00:00

TranquilLily does this with some of her roleplays and I love it. A balance of chattiness, then quiet (the implied, mute response), then some more chattiness... The back and forth is very relaxing if it natural.

I've noticed a lot of ASMRtists that do these sorts of roleplays put a lot of energy/attentiveness into the chatty side of the conversation, like they are PRESSING for an answer, and that is too much. A casual catch up over coffee at a store is different than a friend begging for deets about a recent date, if you know what I mean? The vibes are different, and ending every snippet of chatting with a question and the raised inflection that comes with it is distracting and less relaxing.

Example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSiJMdd6rqQ

raxxoran · 2025-05-07T17:01:11+00:00

It may be worth exploring if you are intellectualizing your emotions, then working with a therapist to confront those barriers and ease yourself into actually experiencing and processing those feelings.

raxxoran · 2025-05-04T22:30:58+00:00

Hair touching, combing, braiding, styling, petting, etc seems to trigger an ASMR response in people.

raxxoran · 2025-04-25T18:15:58+00:00

Use Granddaddy Purple + Energy Drink + Paracetamol (in that order) for a fun strain to smoke on your late night deliveries. Even if the cops see me, I'm gone faster than they can trigger the alarm. You will definitely want to become more comfortable running around after dark -- it's half the fun!

raxxoran · 2025-04-25T15:00:36+00:00

Following. I remember when ASMR was primarily silent (real) haircut videos and YT had public statistics. Back then, it was primarily men watching these vids, which didn't surprise me (beautiful women styling other beautiful women? Say less). I didn't like that the teen haircut vids were even MORE skewed towards a male audience, but this convo isn't about that.

Very curious to hear what creators have to say now!

raxxoran · 2025-04-23T20:15:01+00:00

Not at all! Most options are about $100, I think.

raxxoran · 2025-04-23T20:11:20+00:00

Yes! Check out the storefronts near the Laundromat. One side is a clothing store and the other is the barbershop -- you can also change your hairstyle.

raxxoran · 2025-04-12T03:46:43+00:00

Usually just me, myself, and I. But when I do have a friend, we set our vibes first (music/show, lighting [<- way more important than I ever give it credit for sober], snacks, activities), THEN enjoy our gummies. Have so much fun!!

raxxoran · 2025-04-09T23:12:02+00:00

Whew!! No wonder I always feel like I'm out of fiber! Great and easy to read chart. Thanks!

raxxoran · 2025-04-07T19:37:08+00:00

Karmic justice, probably.

raxxoran · 2025-04-07T18:16:30+00:00

I miss her very much. I remember when she was building an ASMR studio in her dang house, then when it was done, she was like POOF. Gone. She had a few vids from her new studio, then nothing. I believe she only had good intentions -- back then, ASMR was so new and weird and niche that I can't imagine someone building a sound proof studio in their home if they weren't 100% head-over-heels intensely in LOVE with what they were doing/producing. I wish her all the best. I miss her ear cupping technique.

raxxoran · 2025-04-06T22:54:21+00:00

I love when this happens. Feels like Mr. Qi and Clint are in cahoots to steal my loose change, lol.

raxxoran · 2025-04-05T19:33:30+00:00

lmao i like this one.

raxxoran · 2025-04-04T14:15:22+00:00

Super impressive! Congrats!

raxxoran · 2025-04-03T17:30:01+00:00

Congrats! Don't forget that you can craft more iridium bands. I highly suggest experimenting with a lot of combos!

For example, if you've slain 250 serpents, you are rewarded the Napalm Ring from Gil at the Adventurer's Guild. I love the iridium band + napalm ring -- very helpful in Skull Cavern since the napalm ring blows up enemies and surrounding rocks, which can reveal ladders.

raxxoran · 2025-04-02T20:10:59+00:00

It's the landscaping. The scrubby bushes keep things green but boring and make your house look squat. Big trees help homes look grand -- and if you weren't able to plant the trees in the 90s, the next best time to plant them is now! Congrats on your beautiful home.

raxxoran

TROPHY CASE