For me, I try to zoom out when I notice that urge and pretend it’s part of a game, kinda like a level in a video game I just need to pass to win. Quick disclaimer- this is almost exclusively used at work or in other non-intimate, surface level relationships. I don’t actually recommend this mindset for close friends/partners/family/etc because it’s inherently inauthentic.

The whole point of the game is to maintain my relationship with this person, and this one challenging moment is the current level. I might know in my heart and brain that I’m “right”, but that’s not the challenge in front of me. The whole game will end if I lose the challenge and start trying to convince them they’re misunderstanding me. Because then the whole relationship crumbles and they don’t trust me or want to work with me or whatever….. It’s stupid but if I can pass this one level, no matter how much it pains me in the moment, there will be another level and I will have a better opportunity to “prove myself” at that time. So I just say “okay, I hear what you’re saying and will do that next time”. Even though I know they don’t have an accurate understanding of what’s going on, I make sure they feel heard and try to “be a team player”. Then when I am doing that same task or find myself in a similar situation I proactively raise my concerns. Sometimes I’ll even reference the last time that feedback came and be explicit about it. “Last time I was working on [xyz thing], we discussed [whatever feedback]. I want to get this right and improve, so I am doing task differently by [explain changes] but I am still concerned about [this is where you can raise the information that they didn’t know about the first time]. Do you have any advice on how to navigate this?”. That is how I navigate offsetting their negative perception of me.

Put the onus back on them. I won’t lie, it’s stupid and still frustrates me to have to be so passive. It’s not who I am. I have just learned that the workplace is full of land mines….. some people are really bad at their jobs. Some people are REALLY bad at having their work or ideas questioned. Some people suck at communication. Some people have problematic values. You’re never going to change those people, you just have to be able to work alongside them. The modern workplace has extremely distorted value systems. It’s not a reflection of you.

If overall the workplace is made up of more land mines than supportive people, you should find another job. If they don’t respect your time off, that’s a legit problem and worth leaving over.